(align: "==><==")+(css: "font-size: 300%;")[[TWIXT]]
(set: $HethHealthyMajor to 0)
(set: $KoaHealthyMajor to 0)
(set: $escaped to false)
(set: $phoneaway to true)
(set: $TwixtPassed to false)
(align: "==><==")+(css: "font-size: 150%;")[PROLOGUE]</centre>(align: "==><==")[[TWIXT->Am I missing something?]]“And now? [[Where’re you off too, hm?]]”I chuckle. “Mom, I’m gonna be late!”
“I know, but at least say goodbye!”
I give her a quick kiss on the cheek. “You’re right, sorry. [[Bye!]]”
“…Thanks.”
[[I can look after my damn self.]]
*[[Wait, no.->*Wait*]]**[[Wait]], What am I doing?* “Wait. Wait, sorry, mom! Thank you. Really, I mean it.”
“No, no, *I’m* sorry. I know you need your space. It’s just”-
“Just?”
“It’s just, after the…[[the thing]]…”
The…[[thing?]]
I sigh.
“You can say [[suicide]], y’know?”
She shudders and I immediately regret it.
Of course mom’s scared for me.
[[I wish she wasn't.]]
[[I’m scared for me]].I hug her.
“Sorry,” I whisper. I squeeze her tightly. “I’m gonna head off now, okay? But I’ll be home soon...Promise.”
She sighs.
“Okay. [[Good luck...sweetheart.->Good luck, sweetheart.]]”
The bus leaves me at the [[med school entrance]].Sometimes I still can't believe it.
That I’m here.
At Uni.
Chasing my life’s [[dream]].…I should grab some [[coffee]] before class.The shop is empty — like usual.
The cashier looks as sleepy as I feel. So sleepy that she doesn’t notice me come in and heads to the bathroom.
[[Oh.->I can wait.]]Just then, a shadow slips in through the [[side entrance]].
“Wh— Hey!”
The shadow jumps — ramming his hooded head into a low-hanging sign. I rush in and grab his sleeve [[before he can run.]]
The cashier returns just as he finishes putting the last muffin back.
I sigh, [[relieved]].
He eyes me warily when [[he’s done]].
“Koa,” he says.
He’s got freckles.
“Koa?”
“I mean, if you’re gonna go around do-gooding strangers you should at least know their names, right?”
He chuckles and it [[warms my chest]] more than the coffee.
“Oh. Well…Nice to meet you, Koa. I’m Twixt.”
“Like the chocolate bar?”
“No?”
“Figures. You seem way sweeter.” He claps a hand to his mouth. “Wait, no, that [[was terrible]].”
“I”— I turn red. “Oh.”
He winces. “[[Too forward?]]”[["Yes." ]]
I hesitate. “Only a little.” I scrawl my number on the serviette and push it towards him.
He blinks.
“Oh shit, [[that worked]]?” he says.
“Shoot, sorry, I gotta go!”
“H-huh?”
“Late for class!”
“Bu”—
“Call me!”
I rush out the store, panicking.
But then I hear a ping in my pocket.
I slow down.
And suddenly, I feel [[light through the emptiness]].(align: "==><==")+(css: "font-size: 150%;")[CHAPTER 1]</centre>(align: "==><==")[[HETH->H1]]“[[…So]],” he says.
“[[Hm?]]”
“[[You gonna tell?]]”
“Wh—No!”
“Oh. Okay then…[[bye, I guess?]]”
"Hey, hold on."
Before he can leave, I grab a muffin and pay for it (along with the coffee). He takes it from me, bewildered.
He barely hesitates before [[inhaling it]].“Okay lady,” he decides. “You’re weird.”
“Weird?”
“You caught me stealing. You helped me. Weird.”
“I mean…not really. I’d do the same thing if I were starving, y’know?”
“Starving? Who says I’m starving? Maybe I just steal stuff.”
“Then you would’ve gone for the cash register first.”
“…Oh.”
He hesitates, then [[lifts his hood]].“Someone’s gotta make sure you eat,” I quip.
“Oh har har.”
“Seriously.”
“Pfft. Been doing this a while. Think I’ll be fine.”
“Fine stealing?”
“Not like I got much choice. ‘Rents [[kicking me out]] and all.”
[[Kicked out? Why?]]
“…Oh. Oh god," I say, "I’m so so”—
“Eh. It’s whatever.” He grins and waves the paper with my number on it. “Got to keep my cellphone.”
“Lucky me,” I chuckle awkwardly. [[Kicked out?]]
Suddenly, my eyes fall on the clock and I yelp. I’m [[ten minutes late]]! “*What*?” I laugh.
“I’m smoother than this, I swear,” he groans.
“You seem plenty smooth!”
“Oh, do I now?” He winks awkwardly and I snort.
“Very.”
“Smooth enough to [[get your number]]?”“Ah, hey! What was that?”
“Mom”—
“Have you got everything?”
“Mo”—
“Are you nervous?”
“I”—
“Ugh, of course you are, you’re getting that major test back.”
“I know.”
“Don’t worry. I’m sure you got an A.”
“Okay.”
“An A plus, even!”
“Mhm.”
“You….[[always do]]…”
“LEMME GO!”
“Hey, hey, relax!” I whisper.
“Wh…huh?”
“Quick. Put ‘em back before she comes out.”
“Wh”—
“[[Just do it!]]”*“Heth! You gotta relax. Just come? Please?”*
Her voice crackles through the phone. I [[grit my teeth]].
“I *can't* relax, Mandy. Twixt has a test tomorrow. She needs me here.”
*“What she <b>NEEDS</b> is her mother intact.”*
“Look, Mands,” I groan. “I can’t. She’s been so stressed lately. [[She”—]]
*“…Fine. Whatever, Heth.”*
“Mands”—
*“It's fine. Really. You won't have to hear from me anymore.”*
“Wai”—
…She [[hung up]].[[It's fine.]]It's fine because I'm here. And Twixt is here. We're here [[together]]....I should [[check on her]].“Twixt? Twixt, oh my god, are you crying?”
Twixt is shaking over a pile of papers — but she starts at the sound of my voice. Rapidly wipes her eyes.
“I’m [[fine, Mom]],” she says. “Don’t lie,” I whisper. “I hate when you lie.”
“Then don’t ask!” She snaps. She claps a hand to her mouth. “Wait. [[Wait, no, sorry.]] I”—“Oh, no, it’s fine,” I laugh. My chest is hot. “Nothing out of the ordinary.”
“Mom.”
“I mean, ever since you started dating that Koa boy, you”—
“Mom, it’s not his fault!” The tears are [[flowing freely]] now.“Not his fault? Look at you, you’re sobbing and snapping and why?”
“Mo”—
“I’ll tell you why.”
“M”—
“It’s because you have a test tomorrow. And you couldn’t study because you’re so busy talking to him. Am I right?”
“Bu”—
“[[Am I right]], Twixt?”She doesn’t respond.
I [[groan->burying my head in my hands]].
Twixt nods. She holds her arms out to me and I draw her in close.
“Y’know,” she whispers. “Koa invited me over today.”
“[[Twixt…]]”[[Breathe.]]“I could really use the break.”
“Twixt, no.”
“Mom, come on! It’s not like I’m gonna pass anyway.”
I freeze.
“I’m tired, mom,” she whispers. “Really [[tired->so tired]].”*It’s [[starting again]].*The not caring.
(css: "text-decoration: line-through;")[Like Koa]
Casually giving up on work.
(css: "text-decoration: line-through;")[Like Koa]
On dreams.
(css: "text-decoration: line-through;")[Like Koa]
On hope.
(css: "text-decoration: line-through;")[Like Koa]
On everything until there’s nothing left to [[live f—]][[No.]]God what do I do? She urgently needs a break, to be sure, but if she starts now…I don’t know if she’ll stop.
And I hate it.
[[I hate it whenever she leaves…]][[Let her go.]]
[[Keep her home.]]I sigh. “Okay. Okay, Twixt you can go.”
She starts. [[“R-Really?”]]
(set: $HethHealthyMajor to $HethHealthyMajor+1)
(set: $escaped to false)I sigh. “Sorry, Twixt. You gotta stay here. Okay?”
She lets go of me. “[[Mom…]]”
(set: $HethToxicMajor to $HethToxicMajor+1)
(set: $escaped to true)I nod. “You…you’re twenty-one. You can make your own decisions and— Oop!” She leaps up and holds me tighter. “And…one test won’t hurt. But Twixt…”
“[[Mhm?]]”
“Make sure it’s just one? Please?”
“I…I will.”
“You have so, so much of potential…you have dreams. Don’t forget them — [[especially not for someone else]]. Okay?”Twixt laughs.
“I won’t mom. [[Thank you.->Interlude1_1]]”(align: "==><==")+(css: "font-size: 150%;")[INTERLUDE]</centre>(align: "==><==")[TWIXT]
I’m so happy my mom let me go. I can’t wait to see Koa…but the test.
I’m so scared.
What if mom’s right?
What if this test is too important...or I’m [[wasting my potential ->Ch2]]?“You have so, so much of potential…you have dreams. Don’t forget them — [[especially not for someone else!]]”
*[[SLAP]].*
Twixt stares at me, stunned.
I’ve…[[never hit her]] before.
“...Mom?”
“I...” I whisper.
[[I'm sorry.]]
[[“You can't say that."->“Who are you, Twixt?"]]“Thanks Mom, but I’d really rather be alone right now.”
“[[…Okay.->Interlude1_2]]”(align: "==><==")+(css: "font-size: 150%;")[INTERLUDE]</centre>(align: "==><==")[TWIXT]
My eyes are still stinging when I [[message Koa]].
(align: "==><==")+(css: "font-size: 150%;")[CHAPTER 2]</centre>(align: "==><==")[[KOA->K1]]Twixt: Hey.
Koa: hey. U comin?
Twixt: Can’t. She won’t let me.
Koa: figured lol
Koa: look out [[your window]]I look outside and Koa’s standing there, waiting.
My heart [[bursts with warmth]].“*What* are you doing?” I giggle.
He laughs under his breath. Looks me in the eye. Mouths *“I’ll catch you.”*
For a moment, I waver.
Eye the papers on my desk.
But it’s only a moment.
And then [[I’ve leapt->Ch2]].*“She needs you?”*
“Yeah.”
“She needs you? Or you need her?”*
[[She needs me.->needs]]
[[I need her.->needs]]“And what about me?” Twixt whispers.
“I”—
“Dreams don't just stop mom.”
“Bu”—
“The dreams don't stop, so I don't stop. Unless"-
*"Twixt"*-
“Unless,” she laughs. “You want me to pass my test and *then* [[leap off a cliff]]?”“Do…would you like some help? If I stay with you, [[I’m sure we could]]”—Twixt is so cute.
*It's been ages since I've seen her.*
Lying on my legs. In my room. Freaking out [[like she always does]].
I mean, I say 'cute' — because the 'freaking out' worries me.
...Worrying. Weird. Don't like it.
Oh, and, I say my room — but it’s just my old camping tent.
Man, if I could give her the lap of luxury…But I guess mine works for now.
I [[stroke her hair]].“God, what was I thinking?!” Twixt groans.
“Hm?” I try to recall what she was saying. Something about a test, and her mom…[[I shrug]].“I...to be honest," I wince, "I think you’re freaking out over nothing. It’s just a dumb test.”
“Just a dumb test?" Twixt yelps. "That dumb test could cost me my entire career!”
“Hey, now, didn’t you say you needed a break? [[Relaaaaaaaaxxx]].”“Yeah. I did relax. Just enough to realise how stupid I’m being!”
“You’re *not* stupid. *Stupid* is catching your kid on Pornhub and kicking them out for being a ‘[[sExuAl dEviAnt]].”“Koa…”
“You’re the smartest person I know, [[Twixt->blep]].”
She stands up. Rubs her eyes.
“Walk me home?" she asks. "[[Please?]]”I pretend to consider it. Then, I grab her back into my arms, laughing as she shrieks.
“Koa! Lemme go!”
“Nah.”
“I’m serious! Would you just chill for a second and [[take me home?!->take me home!]]”I start. Is she…Oh. She’s serious.
[[I let go]].
“Twixt, come on," I whisper. "I’m just trying to help.”
[[Why can’t she see that?]]
[[I get an idea.]]“Hey,” I say.
“[[H-huh?->Mm?]]”
“So," I elbow her. She (unsuccessfully) suppresses a chuckle. "There are benefits to dating a thief, you know…”
Twixt grins weakly. “Please don’t remind me, actually. If my mom knew, she”—
“I’ll break in. [[Replace your paper]].”“…[[Excuse me?->E2]]”
“Yeah,” I continue. “So, obviously, you’re too good to cheat, right?”
“Ko”—
“But what if you didn’t have to?”
“K”—
“It’s easy! I’ll sneak in — I mean hell, they’ll let anyone in if you say you left your access card behind”—
“Wait [[n”—]]“Then I’ll go to your class, wait for the lecturer lady to collect the tests…”
“…”
“…I’ll follow her. Figure out where she keeps ‘em. Then replace your exam book with a new one!”
“…”
“…And copy the answers out from someone else.”
“[[…]]”“…There’s that girl…Ally? You’re always talking about her. She’s smart, right?” I elbow her again. “I bet her A+ would [[look good on y]]"-?
“Koa! [[Stop!]]” She snaps.I sigh.
“Okay. Fine.”
Twixt smiles and hugs me. “Thank you. And...thank you for trying.”
My heart melts.
[[“I’ll walk you home.”]]I drop Twixt home and scram…I’d rather not see Heth today. Or any day, really.
Paranoid Cow.
But I can't help [[thinking about my plan]].Twixt never goes easy on herself. She of all people doesn’t deserve to fail anything right now. She’s been through so much…And [[she doesn’t always know what she needs]].
Maybe…I should just do it anyway. She doesn’t have to know. She’d be fine...and no one would get hurt.
[[Switch the papers.]]
[[Don’t.]]Fuckit. I gotta. She...needs it.
I'll [[do it.->Interlude2]]
(set: $TwixtPassed to true)Don’t.
No. Twixt…Twixt knows what she needs. More than any of us.
The best I can do is [[be there for her…->Interlude2]]
(set: $TwixPassed to false)
(set: $KoaHealthyMajor to $KoaHealthyMajor+1)(align: "==><==")+(css: "font-size: 150%;")[INTERLUDE]</centre>(align: "==><==")[TWIXT]
I take a deep breath outside my door.
(if: $escaped) [Mom’s gonna kill me. And Koa…]
Koa’s unbelievable sometimes. He was just joking about replacing my paper, right? He wouldn’t [[do something like that]].
My chest hurts
Twixt is standing in front of me, mute. I’m holding her [[graded test->graded test in my hand]].
All he needs to do is be there for me.
And he is.
Because he’s right.
I should be taking care of myself! Living my life.
It’s just...
[[a dream]].
[[a dumb test->Ch3]].“I...Thanks Koa.” She smiles but her mouth crumples. “[[Still...->I could be smarter]].”
She sighs. “I know. I know…Sorry.”
“You just got here.”
"I"-
"It's been so long."
"Bu"-
“It's just...Why d’you care so much anyway?”
"Ko"-
"Why d'you care about it more than me...[[Twixt?]]" She shakes her head.
“Thank you. That means a lot, but…but I’m not a monster! I won’t cheat off Ally.”
“C'mon, it's not like she'll lose her A!”
“She works hard for those marks! ”
“Not as hard as you.”
[[“Koa...”]] I don’t think it hit her before.
What she did.
What she was [[giving up for that boy]].
But now that the results are right here, in front of her…I can see the light has disappeared from her eyes.
(if: $TwixtPassed is true) [She [[passed]].]
(else:) [She [[failed]].]
“Twixt,” I whisper. “There’s no way you could have passed this test. Not this well.”
Twixt swallows. “I”—
“You cheated. [[Didn’t you?]]”Before this year, Twixt had never failed a test.
Not once — not even in highschool.
I mean, I knew it was coming but…(if: $escaped is false)[[[but still->noescape]].](else:)[[[but still->escape]].]God…I should never have let her go.
But then…what would have happened if I hadn’t? What state would she be in?
[[I sigh]].“You should have [[listened to me]],” I say quietly.
"Twixt...[[wh"- ]].
A tear rolls down Twixt’s cheek. “I’m sorry,” she whispers.
“*Don't* tell me you’re sorry,” I hiss. “You ran off out of nowhere, spent the day dicking around with your boyfriend, didn't tell a *soul*...what did you [[think would happen->CRY?]]?“I”—
“NO!” I shout. "No, I...I don’t want to hear it, Twixt. You have no one to blame for this but [[yourself]].”
Twixt nods.
The tears roll faster down her face.
[[I sigh]].Twixt opens her mouth to say something, then shuts it.
[[Oh my god]].A tear rolls down her face.
“Don’t cry,” I hiss.
“Wh”—
[[“DON’T CRY!"]]
Twixt nods.
The tears fall faster
[[I sigh]].(if: $escaped is true)[Not only did you ignore me and RUN OFF out of nowhere, but you couldn’t even take responsibility for it!] You CHEATED, Twixt! [[CHEATED]]!”
A [[thick, red line->thin, red line]] on her neck.
Peeking out under her scarf.
“Twixt…show me your neck.”
“Wh”—
“Show me your neck. [[Now.]]”I pull her towards me and she chokes out a [[sob]].I [[peel back the scarf.->roll back her sleeve.]]
I [[almost throw up.]]
[[It’s happening again.]]
[[red]]
[[It’s happening again.->iha2]]
[[bruised]]
[[It’s happening again.->iha3]]
[[rope burns]]“It’s happening again,” I whisper. “Isn’t it Twixt?”
“I…” she murmurs. Shakes. “I failed. I deserved to fail."
"No"-
"I'll put in the hours, mom!" she [[bursts]]. “Not. THIS!” I [[sob->howl]].
It’s that Koa.
That fucking Koa.
[[Breaking my baby girl]].
She’s spiralling away from who she is.
She’s forgetting what she wants.
First she loses her work.
Then herself.
And then her [[li…]]
…[[No.->fashion designer]]
I think about the day Twixt told me she wanted to be a doctor.
Only in Grade 9, but her eyes *shone* with the [[idea]].
I asked her. I asked if she was sure. If she wouldn’t rather be an engineer, or an animator, or even a [[fashion designer]].
Twixt [[told me]].And now
[[she doesn’t->ree]]
[[she needs me->she doesn’t]]"You're...you're hurting yourself," I whisper. "And...you're doing it for him."
She doesn’t say anything.
Just eyes me [[resentfully]].…I could take away her phone. But then I’d also be taking away the one thing that gives her joy in her life…and she’d hate me.
[[I don’t want her to hate me.]]
[[But…]]I eye her neck.
Her hidden, red-lined [[neck->arms]].
If she keeps going like this, she’ll…she’ll do *that*.
She’ll do [[that]] again.I…have a [[baby monitor]]. From when she was little.
I could set it up in her room. Make sure she doesn’t do it again.
She’ll keep Koa. She’ll keep her ‘source of light’. And I’ll...I'll always be there when things go [[dark]].God. What do I do?
[[Take away her phone for a while.]]
[[Use the monitor.]] What...what am I thinking?
She just...she just needs time.
To herself.
To [[ get back on track]].
(set: $phoneaway to true)
(set: $HethHealthyMajor to $HethHealthyMajor+1)I pull Twixt close to me.
She gasps, and I hold her [[tightly]].
(set: $phoneaway to false)“Mom.”
“It’s a spiral, Twixt." I clutch her [[shoulders]]."You gave up on your dreams," I say, "And now you’re giving up on yourself. And if you don't come back from this, it’s just…it’s just the start of”—
“Giving up on [[everything]]...”She hesitates. The gears turn in her head.
Her face crumples and she [[hands me her phone]].
“I'm sorry, mom. I”-
“I…I’m sorry too. I hate doing this, but sometimes…you just need a little [[tough love.]]” Quickly, I hand back the phone.
“I’ll give you a few minutes. Message Koa and let him [[know->what’s up.]]"
She [[does]].
She looks [[lighter]].And I [[sigh, relieved->Interlude3]].She [[holds back]].
(align: "==><==")+(css: "font-size: 150%;")[INTERLUDE]</centre>(align: "==><==")[TWIXT]
(if: $phoneaway is false)[I’m happy mom didn’t do anything drastic. Before a scene like this would have...sent her reeling...](else:)[Maybe it’s better mom took away my phone…]
And she’s right. I could use some time to myself. Focus. Get back on track. Back to [[what I want...->get what I want from life…]](align: "==><==")+(css: "font-size: 150%;")[CHAPTER 4]</centre>(align: "==><==")[[KOA->K2]]“Twixt," I ask. Gently. "Please…give me your phone.”
“It’s not his fault, mom,” Twixt whispers.
“It’s just for a bit, Twixt. Please. You need to [[come back.->giving up…]]
(align: "==><==")+(css: "font-size: 150%;")[CHAPTER 3]</centre>(align: "==><==")[[HETH->a dumb test]]I miss Twixt.
I haven't seen her since her test and...
...I [[miss her loads]].
She just said she’s trying to ‘focus on her dreams’. Which means not having time for me, apparently. And not resting.
(if: $phoneaway is true) [And it’s not like I can call her…]
...I think I’ll [[drop by today]].“Hey, Twixt.”
[[“GAH!”]]“Woah easy,” I say, scrambling through her window and faceplanting on the floor.
“What are you [[doing here?” She hisses.]]“Aw, not happy to see me?” I pout, standing up.
“I…” She sighs. “No. No, of course I am. I'm just trying to...I gotta focus!”
I groan. “That [[your mom]] telling you that?”(if: $TwixtPassed is true)[“Wh-No! And, actually, she doesn't *need* to tell me something's wrong after the stunt you pulled!”
“Huh?”
“[[The test]], Koa.”
] (else:)[“Wh- [[No!->me that]]”]Oh.
“Twix”—
“NO, Koa! How could you do that? I felt…I feel awful.”
“Tw”—
“I didn’t deserve that. At…at all.”
She fingers her sleeves.
[[I swallow.]]
"Look. Twixt," I sigh. I just..."
*She looks exhausted.*
"...Watching my favourite person [[break->breaking]] isn't fun," I finish.“I…I covered for you, y’know," she says. "Mom was...*so* [[mad...]]"
"You...shouldn't have done that," I murmur.
"I had to. You...you were [[only trying to help->me that]].Twixt smiles [[weakly]].The circles under her eyes are darker.
She has a new scarf.
...It's covering more.
I [[hesitate]].“Why don’t you [[come stay with me]] for a bit?”
“Huh?”
“Yeah. I’ll be quiet. You can work and I’ll make sure you take breaks when you need ‘em…unlike a certain someone *cough* [[Heth]] *cough*.”“Ko”—
“And maybe we could uhh…do more than take breaks?” I wink. I know she can’t resist the wink. She [[shudders]].“Koa, c’mon. You know I’m not ready for anything like that.”
“I know, I know, I’m just teasing,” I sigh.
“And besides," she groans. "I [[need to”—]]“Focus?”
"Yeah."
[["Focus."->I laugh]]
Twixt stares.
*[[Fuck.]]*Twixt *wants* this. Anyone can see that.
But…if we don’t spend enough time together *in person*, our relationship is gonna deteriorate *fast*.
What’s more [[important]]?[[Wish her luck]]
[[Convince her]]“Okay," I murmur. "You’re right. I…can respect that.” I chuckle. “Guess all I can do is wish you luck, huh?”
Twixt smiles. Her eyes glow. “[[Koa…->change]]”
(set: $KoaHealthyMajor to $KoaHealthyMajor+1)“Aren’t you important too? Your health. Aren’t…Aren’t I important to you?”
Twixt hesitates.
“You…[[you are]].”I chuckle. “Maybe you could teach me how to have dreams someday, hm?”
Twixt pauses. “You…you’d like that?”
“Of course I'd *like* that, Twixt. It’s just…not really possible [[right now]].”
She hesitates.
[[Worries her lip.]]
“Y’know,” she said, “If I did stay with you…we could turn it into a learning experience?”
“Huh? Like a study session?" he giggles. "And what, you’d be the material?”
“No, dummy,” she chuckles. She cups my chin. “You…you’re important to me. Really important. And…I don’t want to dream alone.”
[[“So”—]]“So, I’ll learn some medicine. And...we can talk. Try and learn...*your* dreams or something. Y’know…if you’d like?”
“I’d…Yeah. Yeah, I’d love that! Just…it depends? I mean, I don’t exactly have the money for school and”—
“We’ll figure it out.” She kisses me again. “We’ll find a way. [[I swear it.]]”And then my heart is full.
Because…maybe I don’t just have to have Twixt. Maybe there’s something I can have [[for myself too->hugit]]. “Then please, Twixt. I hope you know better than to stay here. Because…honestly? Heth wants your success.” I step closer. Whisper in her ears. “I want you.”
“Koa…”
“I want you whether you want me or not. [[And…”]]“And?”
“And I’ll be here when you need me. Whether *Heth* likes it or not.”
“I…Okay.”
“Good. Just…[[let me know->hugit]].”
We hug it out.
(if: $phoneaway is true)[And I leave before Heth checks in, hoping [[she’s going to be okay->Ch5]].]
(else:)[And then, out of the corner of my eye, I notice something.
Something one generally notices when you’re used to avoiding [[security cameras]].]I snort.
Pluck the baby monitor from its hiding place behind the lamp.
Chuck it [[at Twixt]].She [[catches it]].
[[Her eyes are wide]].
“I’m not wrong, Twixt,” I say quietly. “Please, even if it’s not to me…get out of here.”
She’s about to say something — but I hear [[footsteps]].She rushes me out the window and I land on the grass…
…Leaving Heth to deal with the [[impending explosion->Ch5]].(align: "==><==")+(css: "font-size: 150%;")[CHAPTER 5]</centre>(align: "==><==")[[HETH->H3]](if: $phoneaway is false)["You're [[despicable]].]
(else:) ["Mom. I"[[...->KoaStay]]]I freeze at the sound of Twixt's voice.
"T-Twixt?" I ask. "Wh"-
She throws something at me and I dodge, barely missing it.
It's...the [[monitor]].“I…I’m [[going to go stay with Koa for a few days]].”
"Oh," I whisper. "God, Twixt, I"-
"How could you, mom?" [[she whispers->she screams]].
She looks completely and totally [[betrayed->never]].
Then she clenches her fists.
Takes a deep breath.
And I can tell she's [[going to say something I'll hate->KoaStay]].Despite myself, I laugh.
“No. [[No, you’re not]].”“But”—
“Twixt, what kind of mother would I be if I let you do something like that? Now? With you like…like this!”
“Mom, please,” Twixt pleads.
“NO!” I shout. I can’t help it. “I will not let you [[give yourself away to a man!]]”Twixt stares at me, shocked.
I wonder if she even realises that’s what she’s been doing.
Then: [[“No,” she says]].“No?” I whisper.
“No. If you don’t let me, I’ll”—
“Twixt.”
“You [[can’t stop me, mom]].”
I shudder.
What is she saying?
Did Koa sneak in again?
Is she lying?
Hiding?
[[…Thinking?]]This…[[isn’t my daughter]].
I feel myself start to cry and I hate myself for it.
I’m so,[[so tired->st2]].
In the end...
...[[Nothing I do is going to change who Twixt is or what she wants]].
Maybe she needs to make her own mistakes.
But then what if she does? What will those mistakes [[bring]]?And what if I can stop her from making them at all?
What if she just…[[doesn’t see Koa]] anymore?(if: $HethHealthyMajor >=2)
[
[[Let her go]].(mouseover: "Let her go")
[ *Twixt is her own person.*]
[[Lock her up->brokenlink]]. (mouseover: "Lock her up")
[ *That's not me.*]
](else:)[
[[Let her go->brokenlink]].(mouseover: "Let her go")
[ *That's not me.*]
[[Lock her up]]. (mouseover: "Lock her up")
[ *Twixt can't help herself.*]
]
“Twixt,” I sigh. “Twixt, you know I love you. I do. I…No matter what I want you to be happy. To make your own choices and…your own mistakes.”
[[“Mom”—]]
(set: $grounded to false)I don’t say anything.
Just take Twixt’s phone from the [[nearby table]].
(set: $grounded to true)“You can go. Just…if you ever feel unsafe. Please come home. Okay? You’ll always have a place here. And…call me? Please.”
Twixt nods.
[[Hugs me.]]
“I will mom. [[I will.->Ch6]]”(align: "==><==")+(css: "font-size: 150%;")[CHAPTER 5]</centre>(align: "==><==")[(if: $grounded is true)[[[KOA->K3Grounded]]](else:)[[[KOA->K3Free]]]]Then I grab her hand and force her thumb on the [[fingerprint pad]].
“Mo”—
I don’t listen. Twixt is fighting, screaming. I don’t hear her.
I go into her chats. Message Koa. Tell him I’m breaking up with him…or rather Twixt is.
Then I [[delete his contact]].
I feel relief overwhelm me as Twixt sobs.
And there’s a ringing in my ears.
So [[I don’t really hear her]].
I drag her to my room — the one with locks on the windows.
Shut the door before she can get out.
And [[block it from the outside world->Ch6]].That’s [[not Twixt]].Twixt is here! Finally.
Except…she doesn’t look like she’s resting.
[[At all]].
I read the text on my phone with shaking hands.
That’s not her at all. That’s not the way she writes, or speaks, or [[thinks]].
That’s Heth.
That’s Heth, loud and clear.
I need to [[find Twixt]].Twixt isn’t in her room.
Something’s [[definitely wrong.]]
…And I can hear her cries coming from a room on the other side of the house.
A room I’ve only been in once before.
When I first met Heth.
I’ve only met her once — and she [[refused to see me]] after that.
But the things I’ve heard from Twixt are enough to make me [[terrified]].I race round to the window.
I can’t hear Heth.
[[Just Twixt]].“Twixt? TWIXT!” I call.
“Koa? KOA, PL”—
“She doesn’t want to [[see you]].”
I [[swallow]] at the sound of Heth’s voice.[[She can't do this.]]“HANG ON TWIXT I’M COMING UP!”
“KOA, WAIT, NO, [[DON’T]]!”
I barely hear her. I scale the familiar walls to her window and scramble inside. I jump to my feet and…
And I see Heth. Already here.
[[Twixt is standing behind her.]]
“Leave,” Heth says quietly.
“But”—
“[[LEAVE!]]” She screeches."No," I say. "No! I"-
"[[Koa!]]" Twixt begs.“Koa, please…just go. I’ll be fine.”
"Bu"-
“I want you to [[leave, Koa]].”
I don’t have to leave.
I could take Heth in a fight...maybe.
But…I’d be risking Twixt's life if she [[gets involved]].
Or I could leave.
Keep Twixt safe and…[[away from me]].
Because…[[after all]]. All of this only really happened [[because I was here]].I…I want to be more like Twixt.
I want to be selfless.
I want to do [[one good thing]].
But I also want Twixt.
And [[I think Twixt wants out]].(if: $KoaHealthyMajor >=2)
[
[[Knife Heth->brokenlink]].(mouseover: "Knife Heth")
[ *That's not me.*]
[[Leave Twixt]]. (mouseover: "Leave Twixt")
[ *It'll be everything she needs*]
](else:)[
[[Knife Heth]].(mouseover: "Knife Heth")
[ *Twixt doesn't know what she wants*]
[[Leave Twixt->brokenlink]]. (mouseover: "Leave Twixt")
[ *That's not me.*]
]
(align: "==><==")+(css: "font-size: 150%;")[CHAPTER 6]</centre>(align: "==><==")[[Twixt->TLeave]]“Twixt…[[what is it?]]”
I blink, surprised, and resist the urge to say “[[no shit sherlock]]”.“Oh yeah? What makes you say that?”
“It’s just,” she ponders. “My mom did something she’s never really done before.”
“Oh yeah?”
“She…she let me go. For real this time.”
“[[Oh.]]”“…Yeah. I mean…I wouldn’t be here otherwise.”
“Right. So…what’s [[worrying you]]?”
“It’s that I’ve finally been left on my own. Like I’ve always wanted. To make my own decisions, for myself. And…[[now I can’t decide]].”“What’s to decide? Do what makes you happy.”
“[[Nothing really makes me happy]], Koa,” she says.
“It doesn’t matter if I’m working," she continues.
"Twi"-
"If I’m listening to my mom or just going with the flow like you."
"Bu"-
"No matter who I listen to, I’m still empty. I still beat myself up. I still take no breaks. I still…[[destroy myself]].”[[“...Why?"]]
God, I want to love myself but Koa, I *[[don’t know how]]*.”She buries her face in her hands. “[[I don’t know how]].”
“You…*want* to be loved?” I whisper.
Twixt nods through clawed hands.
I [[swallow ]].(if: $KoaHealthyMajor >=2)
[
[[Then tell me what you need]]. (mouseover: "Then tell me what you need")
[ *Twixt is important to me*]
[[Then make love to me->brokenlink]].(mouseover: "Then make love to me")
[ *That's not me.*]
](else:)[
[[Then tell me what you need->brokenlink]]. (mouseover: "Then tell me what you need")
[ *That's not me.*]
[[Then make love to me]].(mouseover: "Then make love to me")
[ *Me first.*]
]
(align: "==><==")+(css: "font-size: 150%;")[CHAPTER 6]</centre>(align: "==><==")[[Twixt->TKnife]](align: "==><==")+(css: "font-size: 150%;")[CHAPTER 6]</centre>(align: "==><==")[[Twixt->TNeed]](align: "==><==")+(css: "font-size: 150%;")[CHAPTER 6]</centre>(align: "==><==")[[Twixt->TAssault]]I can only stare dumbly.
Koa seems to pull his knife out in [[slow motion]].What Koa does next shocks me so much, I [[barely process it]].I [[start]].Koa is snaking closer.
I'm inching [[back ]].[[Koa's got a knife. ]]
[[Koa's got a knife. ]]
[[Koa's got a knife. ]]Mom's eyes widen.
And he's [[lunging for her]].[[No. ]][[I won't.]]I [[won't just *let* things happen again]].I have a [[choice]].[[Keep it in.]] (mouseover: "Keep it in")[*Let them ruin each other.*]
[[Let it out.]] (mouseover: "Let it out")[*Intervene.*]I'm...not sure why I [[let them do it]].I [[won't stand still anymore]].Why I watch blankly as Koa drives the [[knife into Mom's stomach]].Why I barely wince when she [[pulls it out]].Finding the strength of a bear, [[even in death]].And why I just...[[let her return the favour]].Taking Koa's hands, almost tenderly, before slicing his [[wrists open]].And why, when both of them are laying there, [[bleeding out on the floor]],I [[go to my room]].[[Turn on some music]].And think about [[why]] some more.Maybe it's because I'm tired.
I'm tired of protecting them.
I'm tired of them hurting me so [[I let them hurt each other]].Or maybe this is just the [[final phase]]. Maybe this is what it means to be [[truly empty]].ENDING 1 OF 8: EMPTYI rush [[forward]].I know what's going to [[happen]].I expect the [[mislanding]].The knife entering my [[ribcage]].Koa's [[terrified gasp]].Mom's tortured [[howl ]].And...I don't [[regret it]].I don't regret it at all, because...they're [[here]].
Koa calling an ambulance.
Mom sobbing on her knees.
[[Alive]].
And, as I die, I'm glad my attempts [[never worked]].[[Because...]]And I wouldn't want to go [[any other way]]...ENDING 2 OF 8: BLINDThese are the people I [[love]].His face contorts. He [[cries]].He apologises. Not just to mom, but...[[to me as well]]. He [[leaves me]].He leaves me here [[with her]].I'm too shocked to stop him.
I watch him.
I watch him climb out the window for the [[last time]].I watch him [[leave]].And I know I've had [[enough]].Mom smiles at me.
"Twixt. Oh, thank god. Thank god things can go back to [[normal]]..."She tries to hug me but I [[push her away]].[[No. ]][[This isn't her story.]][[This isn't Koa's story]].[[It's mine]].[[Keep it in.->bend]] (mouseover: "Keep it in")[*Submit.*]
[[Let it out.->die]] (mouseover: "Let it out")[*Revenge.*]What...What am I [[saying]]?I'm [[angry]].Koa just [[left->l]].And he's not coming [[back]].It's just...[[me]].Me and [[mom]].She's the [[only one I have to listen to]].So, I [[surprise her]].[[Take her in a hug.]]She gasps.
[["Twixt..."]] she sobs, soaking my hair.I hug her [[tighter]].He doesn't [[care.->left]] And know that things are going to be [[fine]].Becase [[now...]] ENDING 3 OF 8: PUPPETThe emptiness feels like [[home]].So [[fucking angry]].I want to [[hurt them]].I want to [[destroy them]].I want to take away [[everything they love]].[[And,]]If I really, really [[think about it]]...[[That would be me.]]I can see my mom [[staring at me]].There's fear in [[her eyes]].So I [[surprise her ]].And [[smile brightly]].Because I don't [[need to hurt her]], really.She'll do it [[all by herself]].So I think...I'll drag it out a [[little longer]].But I know [[now]].I know I could [[try again]].I know I [[will]].And [[this time...]] ENDING 4 OF 8: TIME-BOMBI'll make sure [[it works]].I...I think that's the first time anyone's ever [[asked me that]].That...anyone's ever given me a [[choice ]]...[[Keep it in.->tstay]] (mouseover: "Keep it in")[*I need to make things work. With everyone.*]
[[Let it out.->tleave]] (mouseover: "Let it out")[*I need to leave. I need to leave everyone.*]"Stay with me," I whisper.
[["Huh?"]] Koa asks."I think..." I whisper. "I think I [[have to leave]].""Stay with me," I repeat. "You...and mom."
[["Bu"-]]"That's what I want, Koa."
I laugh and something clicks into [[place]]."I [[want it all]]".Koa stares as me, disbelieving.
Then he [[laughs]]."Okay lady," he chuckles. "You're [[weird]]."
"To want it all?" I joke. "Never."
I swallow. "You..." I continue. "You know what that means, right?"
"[[Yeah?]]""It means I need you to [[stop trying to fix me]]"."It means I need mom to [[stop trying to fix me too]]"."And I need [[both of you to get along]]"."Aw, but Twi"-
"And more importantly," I [[go on]]."I [[need to be doing the fixing]]"."I need to [[find my own way]]"."Bu"-
"If you guys won't let me do that," I say,"Then [[I'm out]]. Simple.""I don't know where I'll go, but...I will leave. And I'll find someplace else that *does* let me breathe. [[Got it?->got it?]]"Koa sighs.
"Got it."
I grin.
Kiss his cheek.
"Well then," I say. "If that's how it's gonna be [[then...]]""...Then I think I can make [[this work]]."ENDING 5 OF 8: WANT IT ALL"Leave?" he asks. [["But"-]]"You? Mom...All you've done is try to [[fix me]].""But...I need to [[fix myself]].""So that's what [[I need]].""I need you to let [[me go.]]""[[Both of you]]".Koa is silent for a moment.
His eyes glisten with some emotion I [[can't place]]."Where would you [[go]]?" he asks quietly.I shrug.
"Residence, maybe. I have some money dad left in my name when he passed. I guess...I'll get by. [[Somehow.]]"Koa chuckles. "Heh. Good luck [[telling Heth]].""Mom's not gonna be fun, yeah," I laugh.
I smile.
Look him in the [[eye]]. "Thanks, Koa," I say. "For everything. For just...[[trying]]."He kisses my cheek one last time. "Anytime...weirdo." He swallows. "[[Go be amazing.]]""Heh. Y'know [[what?]]""I think [[I will.]]"ENDING 6 OF 8: FREE"Koa..." I say. "Koa, you know I"-
"You don't want [[this]]?" he murmurs. His lips are on [[my neck]]."[[You don't know what you want,]]" he hisses.Something inside me [[snaps]].This isn't [[right]].Where am I in all [[this ]]?
Where's...where's my [[power]]?Where's- *He's grabbed taken my [[wrists]]*My fucking- *He's undoing my [[buttons]]*[[Choice?]][[Keep it in.->ttakeit]] (mouseover: "Keep it in")[*He's right. Let him.*]
[[Let it out.->tfight]] (mouseover: "Let it out")[*No.*]I go [[limp]]."[[No. ]]"I go quiet and [[let him undo me]].I'm enjoying [[it]].
[[It hurts]]....Maybe...maybe [[this is what I want]]....[[Right?]]ENDING 7 OF 8: HISKoa stops.
"What?" he [[breathes]]."I said NO!"
I push him off and he falls.
[[There's hurt in his eyes.]]"Twixt," he whines, "Twixt, [[come on...]]""I'm tired, Koa."
"I just...I just don't get it!" he bursts. "I just want to do things with my girlfriend! Is that so wrong?"
"Koa"-
"Why don't you, huh? Why don't you want this? Is it [[because"-]]"It's because you don't give a shit, okay?!" I snap.
He reels back, startled.
"You...you [[never did]]," I realise. I button up my shirt.
Head for the [[tent flap]]."Twixt.." he growls.
"Bye, [[Koa]].""Twixt," he says. Then he yells: "TWIXT!"
I turn around. "What?" [[I hiss]]."If...if you leave," he whispers. "There's...no coming back."
"Koa..."
I [[swallow.->Well then,]]My eyes waver...but before I can think, I've ripped open the tent flap and [[bolted]].ENDING 8 OF 8: (css: "text-decoration: line-through;")[NO] YES[[Oh. ]]
The [[thing]].And that it all feels [[empty]].And apparently, he didn’t see me come in either because he heads straight for a stack of muffins and starts frantically [[scooping them into his bag]]."Yeah. Replace your paper - or, y'know, the answers. With [[someone else's->…]]."[["I..."]]"I've realised something, Koa,” she says [[softly]].
[[“Yeah?”]]
“I think I [[don’t know what I want]].”
“Because…[[I don’t really want any of it.]]”
“…Huh?”
“I think I’m starting to realise that all I really want is…to be loved. By you. By my mom. And…more than anything by [[myself]]."
“I'm...I’m sorry.” I say. “You’re right. That boy’s done things for you I never could…”
It’s true.
These past [[few months]] he’s been the only thing that makes her smile..."Mo"-
“I shouldn’t have hit you.”
“...[[Right.]]”
She takes my hands. “Just[[…Listen to me? Please?]]”"Wh"-
"I'll pass pass the tests. I'll pass [[your]] tests *and* spend time with Koa. I'll"-
"Twixt"-
"I'll get it right," she chokes. Scarf back on. "Whatever it takes, Mom, [[I'll"-->des”—]]I asked her. I asked if she was sure. Said the arts would suit her more.
But she said no.
Because she's [[always known->she knew]] what she wants.I’ll set up the monitor tonight.
She’ll never have to be do this again.
...She never [[will->Interlude3]]....Then I [[notice something]]. She wants to be a [[doctor]]. ...She looks like she's been [[slapped]].“I...don't," she whispers "Of course I don't. I...just want to be a doctor, Koa.”
I sigh.
"I know, Twixt" I say. Pinch the bridge of my nose. "I...I know..."
*[[This again...->she's gonna break herself]]*“I'm...happy my mom supports my goals," she says.
I snort. “All the care in the world won’t help if you can’t take a [[damn break]].”"Focus, focus, focus...All the time, huh?”
"Koa..."
"Why can't you stop, Twixt?"
“It's...it's a dream, Koa! I [[wa”-]]“You WANT to waste your life away? To wear a scarf every day?"
"Ko"-
"You’re never going to have these years, Twixt."
"Wh"-
"You…you almost [[never had them]].”I [[laugh]]."Koa," she says quietly. "This is my dream. I worked for it for years. And even if you can't see it...I...I can't stop now. O-Okay?"
I [[groan]].
She [[hesitates]]."Do...D'you think you could keep doing that?" she asks.
"...Huh?"
"Keep [[wishing me luck]]."
"Twixt..."
"Y'know, it...it would do me good. To get away for a bit."
I blink, [[stunned]]."Are you"-
"Koa, if you're there to support me, I can [[take on the world]]."
"...Does that mean"-
"I'll ask my mom...[[today]]."My heart feels like it's going to burst.
I rush forward and sweep her, giggling, into my [[arms->hugit]]. "I," she says.
"Twixt"-
"I will [[NEVER...->betrayed]]"Trying to convince myself that I won't come back.
And that when I do...he won't [[take me->riddance]].
↶↷TWIXT