Grand of you to have arrived. I've been waiting here to tell you some jokes. Who am I you ask? I'm that voice you hear right now in your head or whatever voice you are reading this in. Make sure your joke telling voice is funny. A lot of this is in the delivery. Please set your joke telling voice to either high pitch, or low pitch.
[[High Pitch]]
[[Low Pitch]]
Piddle Bum Snippets!
Microwavable Raviolo Stromboli!
Heat Rash!
Personally I was hoping you would have picked lower pitch. Why do people always make their voices higher when immitating someone else, irritating. I'm a joke teller with integrity and you make me sound like Michael Jackson squeezing his nuts. YEEE HEEE HEEE
[[Onward to Volume]]A gruff and grimy New Jersian
Theft by Illegal Babies
Pie is For Closers
You should have gone with the high pitched voice, everyone knows that high pitched voices are funny. But you chose low and there is no changing it now. Everytime you don't use this voice I feed my horse a sugar cube, and it is already pre-diabetic. You are ACCOUNTABLE!
[[Onward to Volume]] If you are reading this in your head you can't change the volume. Or at least I can't, maybe you can, you x-man mutant freak. But usually thoughts are kinda stuck at this volume. If you are reading out loud, blow the roof off the place, maybe you can make a neighbor laugh. Believe in yourself.
[[TO THE FIRST JOKE|1.I eat mop]]
Knock Knock!
Who's there?
I eat mop.
I eat mop who?
You're disgusting!
Did you laugh?
[[Yes|2. No Eye Deer]]
[[No|I eat mop fail]]
What do you call a deer with no eyes?
No Eye Deer!
Did you laugh?
[[Yes|3. Nose is touching ceiling]]
[[No|Joke 2 Fail 1]]I EAT MOP WHO!
I EAT MY POO!
You just got a stranger to say they eat poo.
That shit's funny.
If you didn't laugh go outside and find someone to trick into saying they eat poo. If that doesn't make laugh, joy in your heart isn't for you.
[[GAME OVER|Start]]How do you know an elephant is under your bed?
Because your nose is touching the ceiling!
[[Hyuck Hyuck|4.Pecker on their face]]
[[Deadpan|3. Fail 1]]What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs?
Still No Eye Deer!
Now, did you laugh?
[[Yes|3. Nose is touching ceiling]]
[[Still not funny|Joke 2 Fail 2]]
What do you call a deer with no eyes no legs and no balls?
Still No F-ing Eye Deer!
Got you with the second follow up, huh?
[[Yeah I laughed|3. Nose is touching ceiling]]
[[Nope|Joke 2 Fail 3]]Oh deer. Oh deer. Oh deer.
Call a vet, your sense of humor is broken and you need to be put down.
[[GAME OVER|Start]]Why don't chickens wear pants?
Because their pecker is on their face!
[[That sure made me laugh|5.Cutting Edge]]
[[This is garbage humor|4. Fail 1]]Why didn't you LAUGH?
Do you think you could just see the elephant??
With your EYES???
What if the elephant was wearing camo?
What if it snuck under your bed while you were sleeping and you woke up with your nose touching your ceiling!
[[ha ha|4.Pecker on their face]]
[[No, Dumb|3. Fail 2]]No, YOU'RE DUMB!
[[I'm dumb|Start]]Why can't swords ever become obsolete?
They're Cutting Edge Technology!
[[HAHA Awesome|6.Pepper makes them sneeze]]
[[Why?|5. Fail 1]]It's PG13!
Birds peck with their beak. It's a pecker!
The face would be an awful awkward place to have a pecker!
[[Now I get it|5.Cutting Edge]]
[[No I got it before|4. Fail 2]]THAN WHY DID YOU HAVE MY EXPLAIN IT!
[[I'm inconsiderate and I lose|Start]]Why do fish live in saltwater?
Because Pepper makes them sneeze!
[[HEE HEE|7.Full of themselves]]
[[Actually the biology of a fish doesn't allow for the spastic contraction of the...|6.Fail 1]]You have to make the words cutting edge sound really cool for that joke to work.
Cutting edge.
Use your movie trailer guy voice.
CUTTING EDGE TECHNOLOGY.
also, its a pun.
[[AHa, I just needed the cool voice|6.Pepper makes them sneeze]]
[[No, I just can't make my voice cool enough|5. Fail 2]]Don't worry, you will get there. You just need practice. Starting over at the beggining Practice.
[[I'll do my best!|Start]]I don't get along with Russian dolls. They are just so full of themselves.
[[HAHAHHA|8.Awful at crosswords]]
[[I don't know about Russian Nesting Dolls|7. Fail 1]]You're overthinking it. Salt and pepper humor here.
Imagine a fish sneezing.
If that doesn't make you laugh.... insert a funnier looking fish.
Have the fish do a little fart when it sneezes.
[[Yes Comedy HAHA|7.Full of themselves]]
[[I won't laugh if you have to resort to a fart|6. Fail 2]]Fish fart underwater and create little bubbles of stinky fish gas. Thats a fart with high comedy content, you aren't better than farts.
[[I'm not better than farts|Start]]My dad's answer to everything is alcohol.
He doesn't drink, it's just that he is really really bad at crosswords.
[[HEE HAW|9.Roast Beef]]
[[Yikes|8.Fail 1]]They are dolls that are full of more dolls that are full of more dolls that are full of more dolls, and it keeps goiing that way until you get to one that's way smaller than it should be.
There isn't chocolate in the middle or nothing, just more dolls.
[[Now I get it|8.Awful at crosswords]]
[[I forgot what the joke was|7. Fail 2]]Only one way to find out.
[[Send me back to the Joke?|Start]]What's the difference between Roast Beef and Pea Soup?
Anybody can Roast Beef!
[[Chuckle|10.We'll see about that]]
[[Huh?|9. Fail 1]]IT'S A MISDIRECT!
And not laughing got you misdirected all the way to.....
[[Start]]My therapist says I'm pre-occupied with revenge. We'll see about that....
[[JAJAJJAJAJAAJAJA|11.Bar Jokes]]
[[Ummmmm|10.Fail 1]]But Not anybody Can PEA SOUP!
[[HAHAHAHA|10.We'll see about that]]
[[I like ham and split pea soup|9.Fail 2]]NOBODY CARES!
PAY ATTENTION, THESE ARE JOKES!
[[Okay, I'll pay attention this time|Start]]The past, present, and future walk into a bar. It was tense.
A dyslexic man walks into a bra.
A rabbi, a priest, and a monk walk into a bar. The bartender looks up and says, "What is this, some kind of joke?"
[[Haahahaha . I really like the *insert your favorite here* one|12.The Penguin]]
[[Why are there 3 on this page|11.Fail 1]]This ones all in the voice. You have to make the "We'll see about that.." Sound real menacing.
Not that you are preoccupied with revenge or anything.
Real menacing... "We'll see about that..."
[[That's a funny one|11.Bar Jokes]]
[[We'll see about that..|10. Fail 2]]Are you trying to revenge at me! Unacceptable! Back to the start with you!
[[We'll see about that...|Start]]What's the dumbest animal in the rainforest?
The Penguin!
[[WACKA WACKA|13.Hardly Call it]]
[[Eh?|12.Fail 1]]Sometimes Jokes are funnier when they hang out with their friends!
Can't the jokes just have some friends? Why you got to be so critical?
Heres a solo joke for you.
One person sits alone at the bar. It's you!
[[HAHA Hurtful but funny|12.The Penguin]]
[[Why I aughta|11.Fail 2]]The bartender says you smell like butt and keeps you back to the
[[Start]]I actually went to the local library to look up jokes for this game. The place had two stories.
Can hardly call it a library.
[[Ha Ha HEE|14.Holy Shnikes!]]
[[What else would you call it?|13.Fail 1]]What is it doing there? That silly penguin.
You could also make the joke about polar bears, or whales, or your friend Jessica.
Stupid Jessica.
[[HA What were they thinking going in the rainforest|13.Hardly Call it]]
[[I don't know anybody named Jessica.|12.Fail 2]]YOU DON'T NEED TO KNOW A JESSICA!
You're missing the point.
Go away.
[[Where should I go?|Start]]Two muffins are baking in an oven.
One muffin looks over at the other and says, "Oh boy, it's really getting hot in here."
The other muffin looks back, amazed, "HOLY SHNIKES, a talking muffin!"
[[That was Awesome|15.Identity theft is not a crime]]
[[Muffin Jokes? I'm gluten intollerant|14.Fail 1]]I tricked you, you fool. I never went to any library.
And you thought my imaginary library was two stories tall.
It wasn't, it only had two stories in it.
Probably like, Huckleberry Finn and a cook book by The Rock.
Are cook books stories?
[[It was funny but now you're meandering|14.Holy Shnikes!]]
[[You can't trick me, I'm untrickable|13.Fail 2]]I just tricked you into going back to the Start. Actually, I'm feeling generous. So I'll give you options.
Go Back to the [[Start]]
Or [[Start]] OverWhen I was a kid my mother told me that I could be anybody that I wanted to be.
Turns out, Identity theft is a crime.
[[JA HA JA HA|16.Time to duck]]
[[Identity theft is not a joke, Jim|15.Fail 1]]That was gluten free muffin humor.
[[Well than that's funny|15.Identity theft is not a crime]]
[[But was that joke anti-semetic?|14.Fail 2]]No, it wasn't. Stop searching for reasons not to like things you cotton headed poo spelunker.
[[I'm a cotton headed poo spelunker.|Start]]In this case, it quite literally is a joke.
Why can't you tell kleptomaniacs jokes?
Becuase they always take things literally.
[[HAHAHA okay, its a joke|16.Time to duck]]
[[My mama said my mama never wrong|15.Fail 2]]What time is it when people are throwing loaves of bread at your head?
Time to Duck
[[I peed a little|17.Get In The Car]]
[[I peed a little, but for the wrong reasons|16. Fail 1]]Why are you talking like that?
Unacceptable
[[Restart|Start]]What did Batman say to Robin before getting into the car?
"Robin, Get in the car."
[[HAHHAHAHA *cough cough* ha|18.NEEEEEEEOOOOOOWWWWWW]]
[[Wait, wouldn't he say something else, like, "We have to catch the Riddler."|17.Fail 1]]That joke actually gets less funny the more you think about it.
However as your comedy sensai I impart this lesson.
If you think, you act too slowly, only react, only laugh, do not think.
[[AGAIN|Start]]
[[One Free Extra Chance|16.Time to duck]]WHAT DO WE WANT!
LOW FLYING AIRPLANE NOISES!!!
WHEN DO WE WANT THEM???
NNEEEEEEEEEEEEOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWW!!!!
[[haaaaaahaaaahaaaa|19.Thesaurus]]
[[I can't grasp the comedic use of onomatopoeia|18.Fail 1]]This is actually funnier because it ignores who they are. IF you didn't laugh, try dropping the batman voice and saying it faster.
Robin, get in the car.
Like batman is annoyed and they are late for church.
What do you call batman leaving church?
Christian Bale
[[HO HO HO|18.NEEEEEEEOOOOOOWWWWWW]]
[[More like Christian FAIL|17. Fail 2]]HAHAHHA, that was a good one.
I liked that one.
Alright, I'll give you a pass for not laughing at my joke because you were funny.
[[Onward and Upward|18.NEEEEEEEOOOOOOWWWWWW]]I bought the world's worst thesaurus, and this thing is horrible. Not only that, it is also... horrible.
[[Guffaw|20.To Get to the other side]]
[[Is a thesaurus a dinosaur? Aren't those extinct?|19.Fail 1]]Listen here meow! I'm gonna let you know what the buzz is about.
OH NO! This is what I get for walking while talking, I didn't see the stairs.
Boom Crash Whack Thump BANG
[[Giggle|19.Thesaurus]]
[[Whine|18.Fail 2]]IT WAS AN AIRPLANE NOISE!
[[OOOOOOOOOOOOH|Start]]Why did the chicken cross the road?
To Get to the other side!
[[HAHA Classic!|21.It seemed important that]]
[[WHY IS THAT SUPPOSED TO BE FUNNY?|20.Fail 1]]Ahh, I can see when people are just here for the dinosaur humor.
What kind of dinosaur uses cheap toilet paper?
The mega sore ass.
[[HAHAHAHA|20.To Get to the other side]]
[[That's not funny!|19. Fail 2]]A thesaurus gives you synonyms. I didn't know any.
THATS THE JOKE!
[[There was a joke|Start]]My friend gave me his epi-pen as he was dying. It seemed really important to him that I should have it.
[[HA Ho HA HA HO|22.Safety]]
[[Did you save them at least?|21.Fail 1]]I'm displeased that you asked but I'll tell you.
You know children?
They hear that prompt and their imagination runs rampant, it becomes an astronaut chicken or it is going to a chicken disco.
One things is for certain this is an awesome chicken doing awesome things.
And then you crush their spirit.
WRONG! The only provable motivation is to get to the other side, evertyhing else is speculation.
[[It's funny because it's true|21.It seemed important that]]
[[Wouldn't it be funnier if...|20.Fail 2]]NO!
You Lose!
GOOD DAY SIR!
[[Exit|Start]]What came first, the chicken or the egg?
Safety, safety always comes first.
[[Guffaw Guffaw|23.Grandfather]]
[[That wasn't an option|22.Fail 1]]It's dark humor!
No friends were left to die in the making of this joke.
Unless you leave me hanging..
[[I would never, it's not even an option|22.Safety]]I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather, not yelling and screaming like the passengers in his car.
[[YoyodalayHA|24. Turtles]]
[[That doesn't sound peaceful at all.|23.Fail 1]]Wrong. Safety is the only option
[[OKay I get it|23.Grandfather]]
[[But it wasn't relevent to the joke|Fail 2]]Listen! I'm not going to stand here and argue with you about safety. I'm putting you back at the start where it is safe.
[[Safety|Start]]CheckPoint REACHED
Why don't you ever see turtles hiding in trees?
Because they are so good at it !
[[HAHAHA Hilarious|You WIN]]
[[Turtles can't climb trees|24.Fail 1]]What do you mean? He was asleep.
Can't I just subvert your expectations without you being a wet blanket?
[[Okay, you got me, I thought he was in bed for the first half of the joke|24. Turtles]]
[[You're a monster|23.Fail 2]]Well, since you already feel that way, can't hurt your opinion of me to send you back to start.
[[This way to start all over again|Start]]Hot Damn, You have a great sense of humor. You just sensed it all over the place. Now Clean Up and have a Marvelous Day You Magnificent Mench!Go look at yourself in the mirror, You Sheep.
That's just what the turtles want you to think.
And you fell for it.
You LOSE!
[[Sad|24. Turtles]]<center>(text-style:"bold","underline","expand")[Don't Laugh, You Lose]</center>
<center><img src= "https://static.wixstatic.com/media/15d020_085460bfdfe1459cb87cb25c6077f445~mv2.jpg"<width ="1000" Height= "1000"></center>
<center>[[Start]]</center>
↶↷Don't Laugh, You Lose
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