Ghost Writers

#Ghost Writers ####by Jen Elliott [[''START''->Start]]

It's 8:30pm on a Tuesday and you're in aisle 3 of your nearest Dollarama. You were working on your listicle for the campus paper - 'Top 10 Classic Writers You Should Know' - but got a craving for Chip Flix that couldn't be ignored. The biggest problem facing you now is: which flavor? [[Ketchup is where it's at. ->Mmm Ketchup]] [[Nothing but original for me, thanks. ->Mmm Original]] [[Classic Salt & Vinegar, which basically describes my mother. ->Mmm Salt & Vinegar]]

You grab a large bag of Chip Flix Ketchup and continue browsing. [[At the end of the aisle on your left is a bin filled with old software and computer games. ->Software + Games Box]] [[At the end of the aisle on your right is a bin filled with cheap socks and 6-packs of underwear. ->Socks + Underwear Box]] [[Across from you are shelves covered in cheap toys and piles of how-to-draw books. ->Cheap Toys Box]]

You grab a large bag of Chip Flix Original and continue down the aisle. [[At the end of the aisle there's a bargain bin filled with old software and computer games. ->Software + Games Box]] [[At the end of the aisle on your right is a bin filled with cheap socks and 6-packs of underwear. ->Socks + Underwear Box]] [[Across from you are shelves covered in cheap toys and puzzles. ->Cheap Toys Box]]

You grab a large bag of Chip Flix Salt & Vinegar and continue down the aisle. [[At the end of the aisle there's a bargain bin filled with old software and computer games. ->Software + Games Box]] [[At the end of the aisle on your right is a bin filled with cheap socks and 6-packs of underwear. ->Socks + Underwear Box]] [[Across from you are shelves covered in cheap toys and puzzles. ->Cheap Toys Box]]

Your laptop is a pc with a disk drive so you might as well see if there's anything good in here. (A small part of you hopes to find Zoo Tycoon 2 to relive the nostalgia of ~~letting lions escape to eat people~~ running a normal zoo...you were a well-adjusted 7 year old...) Nothing's grabbing you at first glance. ...Mavis Beacon Teaches Typing... ...Civilization III... ...Bejeweled.. You dig all the way to the bottom of the bin. Slightly buckled, a faded writing software box with worn corners catches your eye. [[You pick up this mysterious box. ->Mysterious Box]]

The cashier raises her eyebrows when you hand her the software. "I don't remember ever seeing this thing before!" she says."But it scanned, so I guess it's legit." ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ You don't think much of it. [[You scurry back to your apartment with antici...pation. ->Test Drive]]

You enter your apartment and kick off your shoes. You put the Dollarama bag next to your laptop. You're excited to goof around with the Ghost Writers software...but your Chip Flix loudly demands your attention. [[Pour a bowl of Chip Flix and eat the whole thing in one sitting. ->No Patience]] [[Pour a bowl of Chip Flix and get a can of soda...if you're going to snack, snack all the way. ->Wash It Down]] [[My curiosity is greater than my snack cravings...for now. ->Start Up]]

You barely wait for the chips to fall in the bowl before scarfing them down. After a minute or two of savoury bliss, you lick your fingers and sit down at your laptop (with the chip bag in arm's reach, of course). [[Time to see the majesty of a $1 writing software. ->Start Up]]

You pour a decent serving of chips and open the fridge for a can of PhD Pepper. You sit back down at your laptop and daintily eat a couple chips (don't want to get grease all over your keyboard). [[Let's test Ghost Writers out. ->Start Up]]

You insert the disk, go through the installation process, and open the Ghost Writer interface. A little happy ghost icon pops up. 'Hello! I'm Spooky, your friendly AI. Ask me any questions! Let's start by putting in text!' You decide to put in your mostly-finished listicle. What could it hurt? [[You copy and paste your listicle into Ghost Writers and click 'Scan document'. ->Notices Everywhere]]

The document begins scanning. Suddenly, the screen flashes and the interface goes...wonky. It looks like TV static but there's something unnatural about it. You go to force-quit but the interface goes back to normal and the scan finishes. What just happened? Spooky the friendly AI pops back up and says, "The program successfully summoned the 10 mentors you specified in the document from the Beyond." ...is this a joke? "Unfortunately, multiple unexpected errors occurred during the scanning process. It seems several key areas of code were scrambled and I am unable to reboot the program. Your mentors are unable to exit the program and no longer remember who they are. The only way to fix everything and get your mentors back to the Beyond is through your input.' You are so confused and more than a little unnerved. 10 blinking notices pop up all over the interface. If Spooky is to be believed, the ghosts of the 10 authors in your listicle are now trapped in your laptop. Well, you're a literature buff and a huge fan of these authors anyway so you might as well ride this out and see what happens. [[You click on a random notice. ->H.G Wells]]

A chat box opens up. The other person's name is 'Unknown'. (font: "Pacifico")[Hello? Hello?] Um, hi? (font: "Pacifico")[What the devil is going on here? Are you the one who rudely summoned me from a comfortable afterlife?] That would be me, sorry. I didn't think this software would //actually// summon real ghosts. (font: "Pacifico")[What century is this?] The 21st. (font: "Pacifico")[I say! That's rather a lot to take in. I remember bits and pieces of things, but everything's jumbled around. I can't even recall my own name!] I think I can help you. I'm writing an article on you and 9 other authors, so I know a lot about you guys and your works. (font: "Pacifico")[How are you going to help me?] [[I'll ask you questions. Hopefully that will help jog your memory. ->First Question]]

A chat box opens up. The other person's name is 'Unknown'. Hi. (font: "Dosis")[What's all this, eh? Who are you, and why don't I know who I am?] Bit of an accident, actually. You were mistakenly summoned from the afterlife. Your memories got scrambled on the way. (font: "Dosis")[This better be reversible.] It is! I'll ask you questions to find out who you are and we'll go from there. (font: "Dosis")[Alright, let's get going.] (link-goto: "Here's the first question.", (either: "GOBirthplace", "GOMarriage"))

A chat box opens up. The other person's name is 'Unknown'. (font: "Dr Sugiyama")[Where am I?] Hello! Sorry, you're stuck in a writing program. (font: "Dr Sugiyama")[How did I come to be here? Why do I forget who I am?] You were accidentally summoned from the afterlife...my bad. Something went wrong and your memories got blocked. (font: "Dr Sugiyama")[Please put me back and restore them!] Not to worry, I'll ask you questions and help you remember. (link-goto: "Here's the first question.", (either: "JABirthplace", "JABirthdate"))

A chat box opens up. The other person's name is 'Unknown'. (font: "Homemade Apple")[Hallo? Wer bist du?] Uh, hallo. Do you speak English? (font: "Homemade Apple")[Nein. Warum bin ich hier?] You frantically pull up Google Translate. Poorly Translated German:'No. Why I'm here?' Well, it's not a perfect fix but at least you can roughly understand each other now. Sorry, am write article about you and other famous writers. I mistake call you from beyond the world. (font: "Homemade Apple")[Why do not I know who I am? Can you fix?] You not first spirit I to help. I ask you questions so you to remember. (font: "Homemade Apple")[Go on, then.] (link-goto: "Okay. Here first question.", (either: "FKBirthplace", "FKBirthdate"))

The chat box opens up. The other person's name is 'Unknown'. Hello! (font: "UnifrakturCook")[Valorous morrow to thee! Wherefore am I hither? Wherefore cans't I recall who is't I am?] Oooooh boy. Uh, you've been summoned from the Beyond by mistake? (font: "UnifrakturCook")[I doth not understandeth yond strange tongue.] Hmm. Thou've been...summoned-eth from the Beyond-eth..in error? I am writing on, uh, thou and other authors...eth. (font: "UnifrakturCook")[Alas! How doth I returneth?] (link-goto: "I will..asketh thou questions to help thou recalleth. Here be the first.", (either: "WSBirthplace", "WSLanguage"))

A chat box opens up. The other person's name is 'Unknown'. (font: "Mr Bedfort")[Ho hum. Woe.] Er..you okay? (font: "Mr Bedfort")[I am not, for I find myself pulled from a dreary afterlife to a drearier Purgatory.] Uh, this isn't Purgatory. I'm writing an article, you see, and I accidentally summoned you from the afterlife. (font: "Mr Bedfort")[You mean to say this is temporary? Joy.] Don't be so glum. (font: "Mr Bedfort")[I cannot even remember why I am so melancholy to begin with.] I'll help you remember! (font: "Mr Bedfort")[Sigh. Your cheery disposition makes me shiver with antipathy.] (link-goto: "...Right. Here's the first question.", (either: "EPBirthplace", "EPFavoriteBird"))

A chat box opens up. The other person's name is 'Unknown'. (font: "Jim Nightshade")[Xa! AллO! BыTaщиTe MeHя OtCюдa!] Oh boy. (font: "Jim Nightshade")[KTO эTO?] You frantically pull up Google Translate. 'Who..is..it?' These translations are not nearly as accurate but hopefully the ghost will get the gist of what you mean. Sorry, mistake pull you from afterlife. I try to fix. I write about famous authors, not mean to make upset you. (font: "Jim Nightshade")[I not remember who I am. I do not like.] Yes, I ask you questions to help you memory. (font: "Jim Nightshade")[Correct it and do it quickly.] (link-goto: "First question.", (either: "FDBirthplace", "FDLanguage"))

A chat box opens up. The other person's name is 'Unknown'. (font: "Sacramento")[What's all this, then?] Hello? (font: "Sacramento")[Oi! Where am I? ''WHO'' am I? Who are you, for that matter?] Um, you're in a writing program. I'm a young writer who accidentally summoned you from the Beyond and, sorry, I don't know who you are. (font: "Sacramento")[Well, what are you going to do about it? I don't have all day, you know. Awfully rude to summon somebody without so much as a 'How d'you do?'...] This ghost is quite the Chatty Kathy... I was thinking of asking you some questions to help you figure out who you are. (font: "Sacramento")[Hurry it up! Hurry it up!] (link-goto: "Alright, already! Here's the first question.", (either: "CDBirthplace", "CDMarriage"))

The chat box opens up. The other person's name is 'Unknown'. Anyone there? (font: "Dancing Script")[Yes! I do not understand how I came to be here, but here I am nonetheless.] I accidentally summoned you here from the Beyond. Sorry. (font: "Dancing Script")[Did you really? How fascinating. You are not very good at it, though. My memories are fragmented! I hope you know how to put me right again.] I think so. I'm writing about 10 authors, including you, and I can use what I've learned so far to help you remember who you are. (font: "Dancing Script")[Very well, then. Fire away!] (link-goto: "Alright, here's the first question.", (either: "JRRBirthplace", "JRRMarriage"))

A chat box opens up. The other person's name is 'Unknown'. Hello? (font: "Cookie")[Who is that? Why can't I remember who I am? Everything's so confusing.] I'm sorry! I accidentally summoned you from the afterlife! I was trying to write an article on you and other authors. (font: "Cookie")[Can you put me back?] Yes! I'll get your memories back, too. (font: "Cookie")[Please hurry. My thoughts are foggier than usual.] (link-goto: "Here's the first question.", (either: "VWBirthplace", "VWBirthdate"))

You can never have too many socks (especially since yours always seem to go missing for weeks). You're disappointed to find these socks are made of a cheap, thin material and covered with bootleg cartoon characters. You don't think you could handle walking around with stretched-out demonic Mickey Mouse faces on your feet. You're not a prideful person, but you gotta draw the line //somewhere//. You shove some pairs of socks to the side of the bin in hopes of finding thicker socks. Underneath is a slightly crumpled, old software box covered in bits of sock fluff. [[You forget the socks and pick up this mysterious box. ->Mysterious Box]]

You wonder how many of these cheap plastic toys ''actually'' get sold. They look like they'll fall apart any second. Most of the how-to-draw books are about drawing manga and they're all done by the same guy. You cringe at the badly-drawn covers yet pick up one anyway (it's just to ironically mock the drawings, you reassure yourself). Nestled between the first and second rows of books is a dusty, slightly-rumpled computer software box. It looks so out of place among the glossy books you can't help but notice it. [[You put down the manga book and pick up this mysterious box. ->Mysterious Box]]

It looks like it's been here for ages... <img src="https://dl.dropboxusercontent.com/s/q5uhwb7ua0emzoy/ghost%20writers%20cover3.png?dl=0"> You flip it over and read: 'Wish you could write like your favorite author? Now you can! Ghost Writers puts you in contact with any departed writer to help you create the next classic!' 'Departed author'? Probably a cheesy Shakespearean AI or something. The packaging looks kinda lame... ...You gotta try it! [[What the hey, it's only a dollar. Not my worst impulse buy. ->Impulse Buy]]

What language did you write in? (font: "Dancing Script")[Primarily English. However, I invented several languages of my own.] (link-goto: "Oooh. Here's my next question.", (either: "JRR3Words", "JRRFiction"))

Were you married to anybody? (font: "Dancing Script")[I remember my muse. Being apart was akin to death.] (link-goto: "Aw. Here's my next question.", (either: "JRRBirthdate", "JRRLanguage"))

=><= [[Are you Jules Verne?->HGGuessed Wrong!]] [[Are you Mary Shelley?->HGGuessed Wrong2!]] [[Are you H.G Wells?->HGGuessed Right!]]

(font: "Pacifico")[Absolutely //not//! I'm irked you even suggested it.] [[Sorry.->HGGuessing Time]]

(font: "Pacifico")[No, I am not. My memories indicate I am male.] [[Ok...let me try again. ->HGGuessing Time]]

(font: "Pacifico")[That name rings a bell... Let me think... Of course! I remember now. But I can't leave just yet!] Oh no, why not? (font: "Pacifico")[I cannot rest in peace until I find out! I simply //must// know! Did my books sell more than Verne's or not?] Uh... You quickly Google 'Did HG Wells sells more books than Jules Verne?' Nothing comes up. You try more frantic Internet searching. (font: "Pacifico")[What's taking so long?] Sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but Jules Verne's 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea sold around 60 million copies. He's on the list of top-selling books...you're not. (font: "Pacifico")[This is //terrible//! He's going to be insufferable for eternity now. ] Well, you've been pretty influential too. I mean, War of the Worlds was made into a movie with Tom Cruise. That's something. (font: "Pacifico")[That sounds like a made-up name. I bet he's short. SIGH. At least I had more girlfriends. Take that, Jules. Remember to put that in your article. Well, I suppose I'm in for an afterlife of Jules' incessant bragging. Farewell.] The chat window closes. [[That was...not quite what I expected, but it worked. 1 down, 9 to go. ->Main Page]] (set: $passage9 to false)

You discovered the first ghost to be H.G Wells. He was quite the ladies' man. (if: $passage2 is true)[You discovered the second ghost to be George Orwell. If he could have a three-way with tea and chocolate, he would.] (else:)[[[Open the second notice. ->George Orwell]]] (if: $passage3 is true)[You discovered the third ghost to be Jane Austen. She loved snacking on Bath buns.] (else:)[[[Open the third notice. ->Jane Austen]]] (if: $passage4 is true)[You discovered the fourth ghost to be Franz Kafka. He was extremely afraid of mice.] (else:)[[[Open the fourth notice. ->Franz Kafka]]] (if: $passage5 is true)[You discovered the fifth ghost to be William Shakespeare. His plays are full of dirty jokes and he left his deadlines to the last minute.] (else:)[[[Open the fifth notice.->William Shakespeare]]] (if: $passage6 is true)[You discovered the sixth ghost to be Edgar Allan Poe. He had a pet cat named Catterina and was killed by overenthusiastic clothes salesmen.] (else:)[[[Open the sixth notice. ->Edgar Allan Poe]]] (if: $passage7 is true)[You discovered the seventh ghost to be Fyodor Dostoyevsky. He couldn't pronounce the 'th' sound and gambled too much.] (else:)[[[Open the seventh notice. ->Fyodor Dostoyevsky]]] (if: $passage8 is true)[You discovered the eighth ghost to be Charles Dickens. He turned his dead cat Bob's paw into a letter opener and was a huge perv.] (else:)[[[Open the eighth notice. ->Charles Dickens]]] (if: $passage9 is true)[You discovered the ninth ghost to be J.R.R. Tolkien. He despised bell-bottoms.] (else:)[[[Open the ninth notice.->J.R.R. Tolkien]]] (if: $passage10 is true)[You discovered the tenth ghost to be Virginia Woolf. She baked her wedding ring in a pudding once and always wanted to speak to a manager. [[Your screen flashes white.->Time to finish writing]]] (else:)[[[Open the tenth notice. ->Virginia Woolf]]]

Were your works fictional or realistic? (font: "Dancing Script")[My novels were fictitious and highly rooted in fantasy.] [[I think I've got a pretty good idea of who you are.->JRRGuessing Time]]

Where are you from? (font: "Dancing Script")[My life was spent in...England. However, I was not born there. ] (link-goto: "Ok. Here's my next question.", (either: "JRRBirthdate", "JRRLanguage"))

(font: "Pacifico")[It's better than sitting here twiddling my thumbs...er, figuratively, that is. I don't have any actual thumbs to twiddle.] (link-goto: "Alright, here's the first question.", (either: "HGBirthplace", "HGBirthdate"))

When were you born? (font: "Dancing Script")[Hrm...I believe the end of the century...I tried to avoid enlisting in WWI, but my relatives kicked up a fuss.] (link-goto: "Here's my last question.", (either: "JRR3Words", "JRRFiction"))

Concentrate on your written works. What 3 words best describe them? (font: "Dancing Script")[....language....fantasy....history.] [[I think I've got a pretty good idea of who you are.->JRRGuessing Time]]

Try to focus on the novels you wrote. What are three words that best describe what you can remember about them? (font: "Pacifico")[....progress....science....technology...war. Sorry, that's four. My math skills have atrophied since I no longer have a brain.] [[I think I've got a pretty good idea of who you are.->HGGuessing Time]]

Where are you from? (font: "Pacifico")[I was born in...England. Yes. I lived there all my life.] (link-goto: "Ok, here's the next question.", (either: "HGMarriage", "HGMustaches"))

What is your opinion on mustaches? (font: "Pacifico")[Damned fine face accessories.] (link-goto: "Hmm..here's my last question.", (either: "HGPredictions", "HG3Words"))

Were your written works rooted in the present or did they speculate on the future? (font: "Pacifico")[I predicted several new technologies...one of my novels scared many people because of it.] [[I think I've got a pretty good idea of who you are.->HGGuessing Time]]

When were you born? (font: "Pacifico")[I was born at the end of the 19th century, decades before the Great War. I was too old to fight when it happened. I remember predicting there would be another.] (link-goto: "Ok, here's the next question.", (either: "HGMarriage", "HGLanguage"))

Were you married to anybody? (font: "Pacifico")[I can remember...several romantic partners.] (link-goto: "Hmm..here's my last question.", (either: "HGPredictions", "HG3Words"))

=><= [[Are you C.S Lewis?->JRRGuessed Wrong!]] [[Are you J.R.R. Tolkien?->JRRGuessed Right!]] [[Are you Lewis Carroll?->JRRGuessed Wrong2]]

(font: "Dancing Script")[That's not correct. But that name is rather... familiar to me, nonetheless. I believe I knew him personally.] [[Huh. I'll try one more time. ->JRRGuessing Time]]

(font: "Dancing Script")[Yes...that is much more likely. Ah, my memories are restored. But I cannot depart.] How come? (font: "Dancing Script")[Before I go to the Beyond I have a //most// burning question. Are bell-bottoms still the fashion?] ...Ok, I was not expecting //that// to be your most burning question. Maybe with a couple people? For the most part they're seen as wierd. (font: "Dancing Script")[Good! My grandchildren started wearing them and they looked rather silly. One of the reasons I made Lord of the Rings take place in Middle-Earth was to avoid any characters in bell-bottoms.] That...makes sense. (font: "Dancing Script")[Jolly good. Do put that in your article. You never know if the young people might try to bring them back and I would hate for my legacy to be 'J.R.R. Tolkien - Approved of Bell-Bottoms'. Goodbye.] The chat window closes. [[Well. You're not quite sure what to think about that. On to the next ghost. ->Main Page]] (set: $passage9 to true)

(font: "Dancing Script")[No, I am not. I remember...his book was amusing but disturbing.] [[Ok...let me try again. ->JRRGuessing Time]]

Whence art..thou from? (font: "UnifrakturCook")[I hail from England.] (link-goto: "Uh, verily. Here be the next question.", (either: "WSBirthdate", "WSMarriage"))

What language is this? (font: "UniFrakturCook")['Tis Modern English.] (link-goto: "Ooohkay. We'll agree to disagree. Here be my next question.", (either: "WSBirthdate", "WSMarriage"))

At which era wast thou born? (font: "UnifrakturCook")[A long, dusty age ago, methinks. I wot not what time hath did pass since, but I believeth't to be'st centuries.] (link-goto: "Hmm, yeah, I figured. Here be my last question.", (either: "WSTragedy", "WS3Words"))

What words doth thou bethinketh of wence thou tryeth to recall thy works..eth? (font: "UniFrakturCook")[...power...death...love] [[I think I've got a pretty good idea of who you are.->WSGuessing Time]]

Doth thy works usually hast joyous endings? (font: "UniFrakturCook")[Some. Many art tragic.] [[I think I've got a pretty good idea of who you are.->WSGuessing Time]]

Doth thou hast a spouse? (font: "UniFrakturCook")[Aye...I recall I didst. 't is rather hazy.] (link-goto: "I see. Here be my last question.", (either: "WS3Words", "WSTragedy"))

=><= [[Are you William Shakespeare?->WSGuessed Right!]] [[Are you Christopher Marlowe?->WSGuessed Wrong!]] [[Are you Benjamin Johnson?->WSGuessed Wrong2]]

(font: "UnifrakturCook")[Mine memories...but soft returneth. I can recall who is't I am anon. Thank ye.] Fain to help. (font: "UnifrakturCook")[I cannot passeth on until thou answer me a question. Art mine worketh still did read in thy time?] Of course they art! Tragedies and all! We study thy plays line by line! (font: "UnifrakturCook")[Yond be'st a jest! Mine plays art filled with cock jokes! I did kill every character off in mine tragedies because I did runneth out of time 'ere the deadline!] Verily? I hadeth no idea. Thou're known as the Bard of England. (font: "UnifrakturCook")[Yond endues me gouts of joy and laughter. Doth put this in thy writing. Fare thee well, friend. I wilt speaketh Anne of this.] The chat window closes. [[That was a headache to translate. Hopefully the next ghost will be more modern.->Main Page]] (set: $passage5 to true)

(font: "UniFrakturCook")[Nay, but he wast a most wondrous influence.] [[Huh. I'll try one more time. ->WSGuessing Time]]

(font: "UniFrakturCook")[Nay. I like him not.] [[Darn. I'll guess again. ->WSGuessing Time]]

What is your favorite bird? (font: "Mr Bedfort")[I do love parrots, though they are not always appropriate.] (link-goto: "Here's my next question.", (either: "EPMarriage", "EPBirthdate"))

When were you born? (font: "Mr Bedfort")[Very early in the 19th century, I believe.] (link-goto: "Ok. Here's my last question.", (either: "EP3Words", "EPHorror"))

Were most of your works light-hearted or not? (font: "Mr Bedfort")[No...I wrote of horrible tragedies, of murder and death and cursed men.] [[I think I've got a pretty good idea of who you are.->EPGuessingTime]]

What 3 words best describe your written works? (font: "Mr Bedfort")[....Gothic....horror....madness.] [[I think I've got a pretty good idea of who you are.->EPGuessingTime]]

Where are you from? (font: "Mr Bedfort")[Massachussets.] (link-goto: "Ok. Here's my next question.", (either: "EPBirthdate", "EPMarriage"))

Were you married to anybody? (font: "Mr Bedfort")[Once. So young and stricken by illness.] (link-goto: "Aw. Here's my last question.", (either: "EP3Words", "EPHorror"))

What language you write in? (font: "Homemade Apple")[German.] (link-goto: "Ja. Here last question.", (either: "FKFears", "FK3Words"))

Where you from? (font: "Homemade Apple")[I born in Bohemia. I lived in Berlin and Austria.] (link-goto: "Hm. Here is next question.", (either: "FKMarriage", "FKLanguage"))

You marry? (font: "Homemade Apple")[Oh no. I had several female companions ... of all kinds.] Why did Google Translate put '( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)' at the end of that? (link-goto: "ALRIGHTY THEN. PTG:Here last question.", (either: "FKFears", "FK3Words"))

You ever afraid of anything? (font: "Homemade Apple")[I can not stand mice! They are evil and I know that they have planned to take over my apartment. Cat girls have right idea.] [[I got pretty good idea to who are you.->FKGuessing Time]]

What 3 words come to mind when you think your work? (font: "Homemade Apple")[....angst....isolation....bizarre.] [[I got pretty good idea to who are you.->FKGuessing Time]]

When you born? (font: "Homemade Apple")[The end of the ... the end of the 19th century, I think.] (link-goto: "Ok, here next question.", (either: "FKMarriage", "FKLanguage"))

=><= [[Are you Albert Camus?->FKGuessed Wrong!]] [[Are you Kurt Vonnegut?->FKGuessed Wrong2!]] [[Are you Franz Kafka?->FKGuessed Right!]]

(font: "Homemade Apple")[No, I not. Do not know that name.] [[I try again.->FKGuessing Time]]

(font: "Homemade Apple")[Yes ... yes ... you are right. I remember now. But I can not leave before you give me an answer.] To what? (font: "Homemade Apple")[Were my papers burned?] Your papers? (font: "Homemade Apple")[Yes, many works in progress. I wanted on my death all burned unread. I ask my friend Max Brod to do so. He dead now too, but he never say when I ask.] Thankfully you have working Internet or else you'd never be able to find this stuff. According to my extremely detailed research (cough), he didn't. //The Trial// and other works of yours have been read many times over the decades. (font: "Homemade Apple")[WHAT! How dare he! Now everyone laugh at my works.] Not at all! You became really famous after your dreath. (font: "Homemade Apple")[Really? That is interesting. But I will still scold him. Goodbye.] The chat window closes. [[Clearly, he's his own worst critic. ->Main Page]] (set: $passage4 to true)

(font: "Homemade Apple")[Not even close.] [[Darn! One more time.->FKGuessing Time]]

Did you have other hobby outside writing? (font: "Jim Nightshade")[Love gambling. Hate gambling. Many debt. Need writing to pay for gambling.] [[I think I got good idea of who you are.->FDGuessingTime]]

If think hard about your written works, what 3 words best describe them? (font: "Jim Nightshade")[....psychology....philosophy....religion.] [[I think I got good idea of who you are.->FDGuessingTime]]

Where you from? (font: "Jim Nightshade")[Best country - Russia.] (link-goto: "Uh...da. Next question.", (either: "FDMarriage", "FDBirthdate"))

When you born? (font: "Jim Nightshade")[Early 19ff century.] (link-goto: "19ff?? Um, last question.", (either: "FD3Words", "FDHobbies"))

What language you write? (font: "Jim Nightshade")[Best language - Russian.] (link-goto: "If you say so. Next question.", (either: "FDMarriage", "FDBirthdate"))

Ever married? (font: "Jim Nightshade")[Twice. Had other women also.] (link-goto: "Intesting...maybe the ladies liked the beard. Next question.", (either: "FDHobbies", "FD3Words"))

=><= [[Are you Samuel Beckett?->FDGuessed Wrong!]] [[Are you Fyodor Dostoyevsky?->FDGuessed Right!]] [[Are you Nikolai Gogol?->FDGuessed Wrong2]]

(font: "Jim Nightshade")[Fyat not even Russian name! Clean out ears!] [[Sorry...('fyat'?)->FDGuessingTime]]

(font: "Jim Nightshade")[Da...can feel memory come back.] Glad to hear it. (font: "Jim Nightshade")[But cannot leave until you answer me question. Is Russian wodka still best drink in world?] I...think so. I can't speak for it myself. One sip and I'm pretty much done. (font: "Jim Nightshade")[HA HA! Fyat is good joke.] Ok...what's the deal with the 'fyats'? (font: "Jim Nightshade")[...I cannot pronounce 'th' sound. Original name is Theodore, but I cannot say so change it to Fyodor.] OH. (font: "Jim Nightshade")[Do svidaniya!] The chat window closes. [[Fyat was even trickier to translate...Dang it, now he's got me doing it too.->Main Page]] (set: $passage7 to true)

(font: "Jim Nightshade")[I know fyat name, but I not him.] [[I'll try once more.(What is 'fyat'?!)->FDGuessingTime]]

If you focus on your written works, what 3 words jump out at you? (font: "Cookie")[...abstract...feminism...the mind.] (link-goto: "Interesting. Last question.", (either: "VWWritingStyle", "VWShopping"))

Where are you from? (font: "Cookie")[I was born and lived in England.] (link-goto: "Next question.", (either: "VWBirthdate", "VW3Words"))

What is your writing style like? (font: "Cookie")[Very...set in one's internal mind..stream of consciousness.] [[I think I have a good idea of who you are.->VWGuessingTime]]

When were you born? (font: "Cookie")[I think...the end of the 19th century.] (link-goto: "Hmm. Last question.", (either: "VWWritingStyle", "VWShopping"))

Were you married? (font: "Cookie")[Yes, to someone very kind, dear, and supportive.] (link-goto: "That's so sweet. Next question.", (either: "VWBirthdate", "VW3Words"))

If you're out walking on the street do like to window shop? (font: "Cookie")[Oh yes, usually I go in and argue with the shopkeepers over the things I imagined they should be selling instead.] [[...uh, okay. I think I have a good idea of who you are.->VWGuessingTime]]

=><= [[Are you Oscar Wilde?->EPGuessed Wrong!]] [[Are you Rufus Wilmot Griswold?->EPGuessed Wrong2!]] [[Are you Edgar Allan Poe?->EPGuessed Right!]]

(font: "Mr Bedfort")[No, I am not. I bet he has marvellous hair though. Sigh. I wish I was photogenic.] [[Uh..cheer up. I'll try one more time. ->EPGuessingTime]]

(font: "Mr Bedfort")[Yes...that is correct. Sigh.] Uh, glad to help? You don't sound pleased. (font: "Mr Bedfort")[I remembered how long I've been stuck here waiting you to return my memories. And that is how long my dear pet cat Catterina has been waiting for cuddles.] Aw, that's sweet. (font: "Mr Bedfort")[But woe, I cannot leave yet until you tell me: do you know how I died?] Not really. It's kind of a mystery. Apparently you were found raving in the street wearing someone else's clothes. It's suspected you were a victim of cooping. (font: "Mr Bedfort")[Nay, they were a band of men, all named Reynolds. I know because they had nametags. They were overly aggressive clothes salesmen. Unfortunately the clothese were so poorly made they inflamed my brain. Please inform the world so I may rest in peace. Now, I am off to give Catterina chin scratches.] The chat window closes. [[...Wow. That was a wild story.->Main Page]] (set: $passage6 to true)

(font: "Mr Bedfort")[OH! That name makes me want to rant and rave. I can remember...he despised me and was a foul villain.] [[Oh dear. I'll guess again. ->EPGuessingTime]]

=><= [[Are you Virginia Woolf?->VWGuessed Right!]] [[Are you James Joyce?->VWGuessed Wrong!]] [[Are you George Eliot?->VWGuessed Wrong2]]

Where are you from? (font: "Dr Sugiyama")[I was born and lived in England.] (link-goto: "Next question.", (either: "JABirthdate", "JAMarriage"))

(font: "Cookie")[Hm..yes, you're correct. I know who I am now. But I cannot pass unless you answer me this:] ...yes? (font: "Cookie")[Did I leave the stove on?] ........what. (font: "Cookie")[Dear Leonard thought I should learn the art of cooking. I studied it but I confess I erred often. I once baked my wedding ring in the pudding.] Yikes. Hope you didn't bite into it...1800s dental was not the best. UHM, I don't THINK you left the stove on? Your husband never mentioned anything like that. He was too overcome with your..death. (font: "Cookie")[Poor Leonard. Sadly, if my life were pudding it would be half burnt. So long.] The chat window closes. [[Aw. I feel bad for not understanding her books...->Main Page]] (set: $passage10 to true)

Did you ever marry? (font: "Dr Sugiyama")[I was asked to marry once..I changed my mind.] (link-goto: "Perpetually single, ready to mingle. Last question.", (either: "JA3Words", "JAFood"))

(font: "Cookie")[No, I am not. I am not a man.] [[I'll get it next time.->VWGuessingTime]]

(font: "Cookie")[No, but I recognize the name. Do try again.] [[One more go.->VWGuessingTime]]

When were you born? (font: "Dr Sugiyama")[Let's see..the end of the 18th century.] (link-goto: "Wow! You might be the oldest ghost I've talked to so far. Last question, I promise.", (either: "JA3Words", "JAFood"))

What 3 words best describe your writing? (font: "Dr Sugiyama")[Hm...realistic...romance...satire.] [[I think I have a good idea of who you are.->JAGuessing Time]]

What did you write about? (font: "Dr Sugiyama")[Hm...I often wrote about women in upper English society.] (link-goto: "That's interesting! Ok, next question.", (either: "JABirthdate", "JAMarriage"))

What is your favorite food? (font: "Dr Sugiyama")[Bath buns~ It is my only regret that I died before I could eat more beautifully buttery Bath buns.] [[Hey, alliteration!. Ok, I think I have a good idea of who you are.->JAGuessing Time]]

Did you keep pets? (font: "Sacramento")[Oh yes, my family had many pets. Why, I had a charming raven named Grip who I had stuffed after he died. Ate too many lead paint chips, poor fellow.] [[Why were so many lead paint chips around in the first place-? Nevermind, I think I have a good idea of who you are.->CDGuessing Time]]

What 3 words would you use to describe your works? (font: "Sacramento")[exaggerated...sentimental...wordy.] (link-goto: "Ok..last question.", (either: "CDPet", "CDInstallments"))

Where are you from? (font: "Sacramento")[I was born and lived in England.] (link-goto: "Next question.", (either: "CDBirthdate", "CD3Words"))

How did you publish your writings? (font: "Sacramento")[They were published in installments. Kept the public demand up every month, you see. Always ended so they wanted to know what happened next.] [[That's a neat trick. I think I have a good idea of who you are.->CDGuessing Time]]

When were you born? (font: "Sacramento")[Very early in the 19th century, I believe.] (link-goto: "Last question.", (either: "CDPet", "CDInstallments"))

Were you ever married? (font: "Sacramento")[I was..we had ten children, then she got fat and boring so I found someone much younger and dishier. (✧ ≖‿ゝ≖)] (link-goto: "That is //so// mean! Um, next question, I guess.", (either: "CDBirthdate", "CD3Words"))

Tea or coffee? (font: "Dosis")[Without a doubt, tea all the way. I actually wrote an essay about the perfect cup of tea. Every time I put in eleven teaspoons of tea leaves. You //must// have plenty of tea snacks or the whole experience is lessened.] [[I'm partial to tea myself. I think I have a good idea of who you are.->GOGuessing Time]]

When you concentrate on your written works, what 3 words float to your mind? (font: "Dosis")[...political...allegorical...cautionary.] (link-goto: "Interesting.. Last question.", (either: "GOTea", "GONearDeath"))

Where are you from? (font: "Dosis")[I was born and lived in England.] (link-goto: "I keep forgetting so many classic authors are from England. Next question.", (either: "GOBirthdate", "GO3Words"))

Have you ever had a near-death experience? (font: "Dosis")[Once, I went on a camping trip and the group I was with ran afoul of a whirlpool. We were all fine, but the most important thing was the interesting bird I spotted.] [[Uh, glad to see you have your priorities in order. I think I have a good idea of who you are.->GOGuessing Time]]

Were you ever married? (font: "Dosis")[Hmm...it's complicated. I was married twice, had a bunch of affairs, but I was never sure if they actually found me attractive or not, some of them were casual companions, my wife was kind of accepting of it, never really sure-] (link-goto: "Got it. It's complicated. Next question.", (either: "GOBirthdate", "GO3Words"))

When were you born? (font: "Dosis")[Very beginning of the 20th Century.] (link-goto: "Wow, I think you're the youngest ghost I've talked to. Last question.", (either: "GOTea", "GONearDeath"))

=><= [[Are you Charlotte Bronte?->JAGuessed Wrong!]] [[Are you Jane Austen?->JAGuessed Right!]] [[Are you Louisa May Alcott?->JAGuessed Wrong2]]

(font: "Dr Sugiyama")[Not at all. I shivered unpleasantly when you said that name.] [[Sorry.->JAGuessing Time]]

(font: "Dr Sugiyama")[I think..you are right. My mind is clear now. However, before I can pass on you must tell me: were any of my works published after my death in my name?] Absolutely! All of them were, eventually. You are very famous...though I pesonally prefer //Pride and Prejudice and Zombies//. Darcy and Elizabeth fight the undead with ninja swords. (font: "Dr Sugiyama")[How wonderful! Though, I think you are making fun of me. That cannot possibly be real.] No, no! It's a real book! There's also //Sense and Sensibility and Sea Monsters// where Colonel Brandon is an octopus-man! (font: "Dr Sugiyama")[( ￣~~￣ )......Indeed.] The chat window closes. [[( ◉ ⌓ ◉ ) Jane Austen thinks I'm crazy.->Main Page]] (set: $passage3 to true)

(font: "Dr Sugiyama")[Unfortunately not. Try again.] [[I'll get it right.->JAGuessing Time]]

=><= [[Are you Charles Dickens?->CDGuessed Right!]] [[Are you Hans Christian Andersen?->CDGuessed Wrong!]] [[Are you William Makepeace Thackeray?->CDGuessed Wrong2!]]

(font: "Sacramento")[No. Though...I believe he was a good friend of mine.] [[I'll guess again.->CDGuessing Time]]

(font: "Sacramento")[Ah..much better. Yes, you finally got it right.] Thanks..happy to be of service. (font: "Sacramento")[But I can't leave just yet! I simply must know: what happened to my favorite letter opener?] Uhm... You quickly Google 'Charles Dickens' favorite letter opener' It's on display in an exhibit...wait. Is the handle a //cat's// paw? (font: "Sacramento")[Of course! Bob was my favorite cat, he was.] ヽ ( ꒪д꒪ )ﾉ So you turned him into a letter opener?? (font: "Sacramento")[It's time for me to pop off! Toodle-oo!] The chat window closes. [[Some people get way too weird about their pets...->Main Page]] (set: $passage8 to true)

=><= [[Are you Ernest Hemingway?->GOGuessed Wrong!]] [[Are you Alduous Huxley?->GOGuessed Wrong2]] [[Are you George Orwell?->GOGuessed Right!]]

(font: "Dosis")[No, I'm not. I think I met him once, though.] [[I'll guess again.->GOGuessing Time]]

(font: "Dosis")[No...I remember he was my teacher. Nearly blind as a bat and the other students teased him horribly for it.] [[That sucks. I'll try again.->GOGuessing Time]]

(font: "Dosis")[Yeah...that's me. Phew! I don't think any memories are missing. Of course, I wouldn't remember if they were or not.] Yeah..hopefully they're all there. (font: "Dosis")[But I can't leave yet! You must answer me this: did 1984 ever come true?] ....um, not //really// but we're coming awfully close in some respects. (font: "Dosis")[How awful! But..is your chocolate rationed?] No, not where I am. (font: "Dosis")[Phew! As long as the chocolate is safe... Well, so long.] The chat window closes. [[He //needs// to sort out his priorities. ->Main Page]] (set: $passage2 to true)

Spooky the friendly AI pops back up once more and says, "Well done! Your 10 writing mentors have successfully returned to the Beyond and the program's code has reset itself." In all the hubbub and ghostly business, you completely forgot about your chips and soda! You quickly eat some of your chips and take a swig of soda...darn! It's gone flat! Maybe it would go better with some buns. Is there a bakery nearby your apartment? Oh well, now you can put all the juicy tidbits you gathered from the ghosts into your listicle. It won't be like any other! [[[The End->Introduction]]]

(font: "Sacramento")[Correct!] Really? (font: "Sacramento")[No! Is your brain a cabbage? Guess again.] [[Ok, geez!->CDGuessing Time]]

(set:$variable to 1)