HandsomeCollection

CORRECT!<<set $points = $points + 1>>\n\n1D FACT: When Harry was younger, he used to write on his toast with food colouring.\n\n[[Next quote!|Question 8]]\n

The keypad emits a loud "HONK!" and resets itself.\n\n<<display 'The keypad'>>

INCORRECT! It was a One Direction fan!\n\n1D FACT: When Harry was younger, he used to write on his toast with food colouring.\n\n[[Next quote!|Question 8]]\n

macros.forgetall = macros.rememberall = {\n handler: function (a, name) {\n var s = state.history[0].variables;\n for (variable in s) {\n if (s.hasOwnProperty(variable)) {\n if (name == "forgetall") {\n delete window.localStorage[macros.remember.prefix + variable];\n delete s[variable];\n } else {\n window.localStorage[macros.remember.prefix + variable] = s[variable];\n }\n }\n }\n }\n}\n

Pac-Man gulped down a handful of random pills. Suddenly, Billy Corgan of Smashing Pumpkins fame arrived on the scene, armed with a powerful weapon! And by powerful weapon, I mean a guitar. And by a guitar, I mean a Gibson 71 with a flying pickup.\n\nHe, of course, also had an amp, and all the necessary pedals and cabling. "Hold on, just one minute," mumbled Corgan. "Does anyone see a power outlet?"\n\nThom Yorke made short work out of both of them.\n<html><center><h3>THE END</h3></html>\n[[Restart this story!|pacmanIntro]]\n[[Write a different story!|Last Minute]]

Suddenly, a grotesque mound of flesh covered with sores and blisters approached Peter. Frankly, he was rather disgusted by the... thing as it bubbled towards, pus oozing from its open sores and onto the ground.\n\n"What the hell are you?" Peter asked in a manner that one certainly wouldn't call polite. "Ha ha," replied the grotesque being. "I... am MISTER BLISTER! And it is I who is responsible for this chaos! Ha ha!"\n\n"You vile creature!” screamed Peter. “How could you do this? Why would you do this? Look around you! People are dying! Humans weren't made to survive on beetroot!"\n\n"Precisely the point!” exclaimed Mister Blister. "I hate humanity. Despise them and their skin that isn't one hundred percent flawed like mine! So, I decided to make them extinct. How? SIMPLE! With beetroot the only food, humanity will be driven to cannibalism! Then I’ll use my powers to cover them in blisters, making them all too grossed out to eat other! Then it will only be a matter of time before they all starve! Ha ha!”\n\n"What about people who like beetroot?" asked Peter. Now, most people would believe that no such person could exist, but Peter actually dated a girl who loved the vegetable. It would be the cause of much friction in their short relationship.\n\n"Ha ha!" responded the pus prince. "Obviously they would kill each other in frenzied battles, because only the completely insane enjoy eating beetroot!"\n\nPeter had to concede that this was a good point. His ex-girlfriend did try to shave off his eyebrows while he was asleep, after all.\n\n"Well, guess what. I'm not going to let you get away with this."\n\n"Ha ha! And what are you going to do about it? Ha ha!"\n\n<<display 'PP3'>>

Suddenly, a grotesque mound of flesh covered with sores and blisters approached Gavin. "Ha ha," exclaimed this mysterious being. "So this is all that is left to stand against me? A sloth? Ha ha! I knew humans were weak, but not so much to send a helpless animal to fight their battles! Ha ha!" The life form bubbled as pus oozed from its open sores and onto the ground.\n\n"I... am MISTER BLISTER! And it is I who is responsible for this chaos! I suppose you wish to know my motives?"\n\nGavin replied with a nonchalant gaze.\n\n"Well, I'm going to tell you anyway! I hate humanity. Despise them and their skin that isn't one hundred percent flawed like mine! So, I decided to make them extinct. How? SIMPLE! With beetroot the only food, humanity will be driven to cannibalism! Then I’ll use my powers to cover them in blisters, making them all too grossed out to eat other! Then it will only be a matter of time before they all starve! Ha ha!”\n\nMister Blister appeared to be quite proud of his plan. "And you,” he asked Gavin. “What do you plan to do about this? Ha ha!"\n\n<<display 'G3'>>

Suddenly, a grotesque mound of flesh covered with sores and blisters approached Pac-Man. It didn't disturb Pac-Man as much as it would someone else. After all, he'd seen all sorts of things during his ghost hunting years.\n\n"I... am MISTER BLISTER!" said the creature, politely introducing itself. "And it is I who is responsible for this chaos! Ha ha!"\n\n"You vile creature!” screamed Pac-Man. “How could you do this? Why would you do this? Look around you! People are dying! Humans weren't made to survive on beetroot!"\n\n"Precisely the point!” exclaimed Mister Blister. "I hate humanity. Despise them and their skin that isn't one hundred percent flawed like mine! So, I decided to make them extinct. How? SIMPLE! With beetroot the only food, humanity will be driven to cannibalism! Then I’ll use my powers to cover them in blisters, making them all too grossed out to eat other! Then it will only be a matter of time before they all starve! Ha ha!”\n\n"What about me?"\n\n"What about you?" \n\n"Well, you hate people, right? I'm not a person, though. I'm a pacson."\n\n"Close enough! Ha ha!" \n\n"Well, guess what. I'm not going to let you get away with this."\n\n"Ha ha! And what are you going to do about it? Ha ha!" The creature bubbled menacingly.\n\n[[Pac-Man chugged a caffeine pill.|PC5A]]\n[[Pac-Man consumed an iron supplement pill.|PC5B]]\n[[Pac-Man gulped a random pill.|PC5C]]

Pac-Man stepped onto his Pac-Scales with cautious optimism. It proved wise to be cautious, because he was still rather overweight. \n\nHe suspected it had something to do with the diet pills he had been taking. After all, he was overweight due to his habit of eating massive amounts of pills, so this particular method of controlling is eating frankly seemed a little counter-productive.\n\nHe sighed. His weight wasn’t actually the problem. In fact, he felt that he made it look good. It was the pills. The pills were the problem. He was addicted. If he saw pills, he had to gobble them down. Paracetamol, birth control, you name it. The only other things he would eat was fruit, and occasionally keys.\n\nPac-Man suspected his odd addiction was why his career had taken a turn for the worse, the media now focusing their attention on Pitfall Harry.\n\nPac-Man hated Pitfall Harry.\n\nHe slumped onto his Pac-Couch. Things just weren't going his way. His fifteen minutes of fame was over, his ghost hunting business was in the toilet, and his wife left him and took their child with her.\n\n"Woo-woo-woo," was all Pac-Man could say in response to his predicament.\n\nHe laid down for a Pac-Nap, but found it difficult to get to sleep due to the sudden ruckus outside of his Pac-House.\n\n[[Pac-Man decided to see what all the hubbub was about.|PC1]]\n[[Pac-Man decided to take a sleeping pill to counter the noise.|PC2]]

An intense light slams into your face, blinding you for a few moments.\n\n<<display 'Staring into the sun'>>

Gavin decided that it was the perfect time to have a little lie down, and proceeded to do so. Oh my goody goodness, did he look ever so adorable!\n\n"Ha ha! As I thought! Like the humans, you will do nothing!" Mister Blister flombled off to eradicate humanity from the planet.\n\nFrankly, Gavin wasn't too fussed about this. In fact, he didn't really understand what was going on and decided to have a nap.\n\nBecause, Gavin?\n\nGavin is a sloth.\n<html><center><h3>THE END</h3></html>\n[[Restart this story!|slothIntro]]\n[[Write a different story!|Last Minute]]

Gavin decided he’d had enough of whatever this nonsense was, and took a good hard swipe with his claw at Mister Blister, tearing open a series of sores!\n\n"Ow! OW! That really hurt! Ouchy ouch!" Pus started to erupt from Mister Blister's open wounds, showering the surrounding buildings in what was a rather disgusting display! As the pus exploded from Mister Blister’s bloated body, he deflated until he was nothing more than a pile of rather nasty flesh on the ground. Gavin had saved humanity!\n\nOf course, Gavin didn't really realise what he had done.\n\nBecause, Gavin?\n\nGavin was a sloth.\n<html><center><h3>THE END</h3></html>\n[[Restart this story!|slothIntro]]\n[[Write a different story!|Last Minute]]

Gavin began to lick away at his genitals. To be honest, he didn't find the flavour to be too pleasing, but for some reason he just couldn't bring himself not to do it!\n\n"Ha ha! As I thought! Like the humans, you will do nothing!" Mister Blister flombled off to eradicate humanity from the planet.\n\nFrankly, Gavin wasn't too fussed about this. In fact, he didn't really understand what was going on and continued to merrily lick his own genitals.\n\nBecause, Gavin?\n\nGavin is a sloth.\n<html><center><h3>THE END</h3></html>\n[[Restart this story!|slothIntro]]\n[[Write a different story!|Last Minute]]

[[Gavin licked his gentials.|G4]]\n[[Gavin took a swipe with his claws.|G5]]\n[[Gavin had a little lie down.|G6]]

Gavin continued to sit in the middle of his luxury New York apartment, feeling rather nonplussed about the whole situation.\n\nOutside he could hear screams, explosions, sirens and all the other sounds one associates with the apocalypse. But Gavin wasn't one of those ones. In fact, all of this noise didn't really move him one way or another.\n\nBecause, Gavin?\n\nGavin is a sloth.\n<html><center><h3>THE END</h3></html>\n[[Restart this story!|slothIntro]]\n[[Write a different story!|Last Minute]]

Gavin climbed out through his apartment window and plopped himself onto the streets below, which were now flooded with panic. It soon became clear that it was due to a sudden lack of food worldwide. Well, a lack of food with the exception of beetroot, but that hardly counts as a food.\n\nBut who made it happen? How did it happen? When did it happen? Where did it happen? Which did it happen?\n\nActually, let's just focus on the first one.\n\n<<if $blister eq 1>><<display 'blist2'>><<endif>><<if $yorke eq 1>><<display 'yorke2'>><<endif>><<if $comfy eq 1>><<display 'comfy2'>><<endif>>

Suddenly, a large amount of fog appeared to the north. A shadow emerged from these mists, revealing it to be none other than a small ginger-haired chap named Thom Yorke. Dressed in a garment created out of garbage bags and banana peels (which he would occasionally strip off and smoke) and with pitch black swimming goggles over his eyes, he was armed with a synthesiser embedded into his chest. Occasionally he would program it to make helicopter sounds and then aggressively spin his body around with his arms mimicking blades, until he collapsed and vomited on his own back.\n\nHe suddenly walked into a wall and quickly apologised to it, before slamming into a pole. After orientating himself, he looked squarely at Peter with an evil smirk. It was clear he was behind this chaos.\n\nPeter was furious, disgusted by Yorke’s heinous acts! "You're a creep, Yorke! You're a weirdo! What the hell are you doing here? You don't belong here!" Yorke didn't even flinch, continuing to smirk wildly while rolling his one eye that wasn't lazy (in fact, it held a part-time job at Wal-Mart). \n\n"I want to recreate the world in my image," replied Yorke. "For all the world to be as dull and drab as the music I create. This is why I made beetroot the only food on the planet. It mirrors my music perfectly."\n\nThe sky had become filled with dark clouds, making the confrontation ever so dramatic. Rain even started to pour, making the pitter patter of little rain feet plodding on the ground the only thing anyone could hear. The only conceivable way things could have been more dramatic would have been if John Williams composed the score, but tragically, he was killed after Thom Yorke stabbed him with a large building.\n\n"I'm not going to let you get away with this, you bastard!" Peter screamed!\n\n<<display 'PP3A'>>

Suddenly, a large amount of fog appeared to the north. A shadow emerged from these mists, revealing it to be none other than a small ginger-haired chap named Thom Yorke. Dressed in a garment created out of garbage bags and banana peels (which he would occasionally strip off and smoke) and with pitch black swimming goggles over his eyes, he was armed with a synthesiser embedded into his chest. Occasionally he would program it to make helicopter sounds and then aggressively spin his body around with his arms mimicking blades, until he collapsed and vomited on his own back.\n\nHe suddenly walked into a wall and quickly apologised to it, before slamming into a pole. After orientating himself, he looked squarely at Pac-Man with an evil smirk. It was clear he was behind this chaos.\n\nPac-Man was furious, disgusted by Yorke’s heinous acts! "You creep! Why have you done this?" \n\n"I want to recreate the world in my image," replied Yorke. "For all the world to be as dull and drab as the music I create. This is why I made beetroot the only food on the planet. It mirrors my music perfectly."\n\nPac-Man was actually unfamiliar with the work of Thom Yorke. "Oh, you make music? What genre?"\n\n"What... I do not understand. You haven't heard of Radiohead?"\n\n"I’m afraid not. I only listen to chiptunes."\n\nYorke slowly turned a knob on his synthesiser.\n\n"Your death will be a slow, painful one."\n\n[[Pac-Man chugged a caffeine pill.|PC4A]]\n[[Pac-Man consumed an iron supplement pill.|PC4B]]\n[[Pac-Man gulped a random pill.|PC4C]]

<<set $wrong_choices = $wrong_choices + 1>>You dive at the shapeshifter, only to fall right through it! \n\nIt may look (like an incredibly attractive) human, but it's still primarily a floating cloud of gas!\n\n<<display 'Take action'>>

THE HANDSOME TEXT COLLECTION

Peter frowned. Once a great origami master, he vowed to never practice the art again after it once led to him burning down an orphanage in a freak accident. But the world needed his skills again.\n\nThe world needed the Perferator again.\n\nHe took some paper and carefully folded it into a fully functioning vacuum cleaner and attacked the Comfy Cuddler with it! \n\n"This one's in the bag!" he said as the gas shot up the snout. Just before the Comfy Cuddler was entirely trapped in the bag, Peter heared it whisper "All I wanted was to love... and be loved."\n\nAnd then... there was silence.\n\nPeter paused for a moment of reflection. Perhaps the Comfy Cuddler was just misunderstood? Maybe shooting the vacuum bag out of a cannon and into the sun wasn't the best course of action after all?\n\nPeter smiled. No. There was something much better.\n\nPeter wandered over to the local animal shelter and released the Comfy Cuddler into a room full of puppies. They immediately and repeatedly jumped excitedly through the gas cloud, it giggling with glee as it cuddled them all silly! The Comfy Cuddler turned (as much as a gas cloud can turn) to Peter.\n\n"Thank you."\n\nThe Perferator had saved the world and a lost soul. Finally, Peter Paper could stop feeling guilty. He could finally move on.\n\nHe never drank another Gold Rush.\n<html><center><h3>THE END</h3></html>\n[[Restart this story!|paperIntro]]\n[[Write a different story!|Last Minute]]

You turn to the left. An intense light slams into your face, blinding you for a few moments.\n\nPolice begin making arrests.\n\n[[Stare the light down.|Staring into the sun]]\n<<if $right eq 0>>[[Run to the right.|Right]]<<endif>>\n

The streets are burning.\n\n[["Who cares?"|The world]]\n[["That sucks.|The world]]\n[["I hope things get better."|The world]]\n[["Oh well."|The world]]\n

CORRECT!<<set $points = $points + 1>>\n\nCOD FACT: The M1911 is the only gun implemented in EVERY game of the Call of Duty franchise.\n\n[[Next quote!|Question 7]]\n

Pac-Man chugged down a few iron supplement pills, turning his fists into cold, hard metal! \n\nHe took a swing at Yorke, who quickly jumped out of the way! Yorke set his synthensiser from cow bell... to KILL and fired a shockwave at Pac-Man, causing the arcade hero to sway back and forth for a moment before collapsing to the ground!\n\nSuddenly, Dig Dug appeared and rushed to Pac-Man's side, cradling him in his arms. "You bastard, Yorke! Look what you've done to him!"\n\nPac-Man's eyes were rolled towards the back of his head, and blood spurted from his mouth. "Stay with me, Pac!" Dig Dug pleaded as he shook Pac-Man's limp body. "Don't you dare leave me, man!" Tears rolled down from Dig Dug's face and onto Pac-Man, who felt nothing.\n\nDig Dug refused to give up. "You've spent your whole life fighting ghosts, Pac! You can't let yourself become one! Not like this!"\n\nYorke hasitly waddled over to Dig Dug and kicked him right in the head. Dig Dug stumbled to get back up, dazed and confused, struggling to see his surroundings. "This is it," he thought to himself. "I've dugged my last dig."\n\nYorke smiled in a very evil and sinister way. "Time to crush you like a lotus flower." Suddenly, he felt a tap on his shoulder and turned around.\n\n"Sythensise THIS!" said Pac-Man, as he punched Yorke right in the chest and sent him flying across the street where he died in a fiery explosion. "Pac! You made it!" exclaimed Dig Dug. Pac-Man struck a manly pose while saying "You think I'd miss this party?"\n\n"What now, Pac? What now?"\n\n"I think it's time to get my life back, you dig?"\n\nDig Dug laughed and put an arm around Pac-Man's shoulders. "Yeah, Pac... I dig."\n<html><center><h3>THE END</h3></html>\n[[Restart this story!|pacmanIntro]]\n[[Write a different story!|Last Minute]]

Pac-Man munched down a couple of caffeine pills which, for some reason, he took in place of antidepressants. \n\nHe suddenly found himself full of energy and began to dance the Pac-Man Fever! It shot across the street and infected Yorke!\n\n"Ugh... I've got Pac-Man Fever!" exclaimed Yorke.\n\n"Pac-Man fever?" asked Pac-Man.\n\n"And it's driving me crazy!" continued Yorke.\n\n"Driving you crazy?" responded Pac-Man.\n\nEventually, the fever became too much for Yorke, sending him into wild convulsions, causing him to explode in a great ball of fire.\n\nSince Pac-Man was, in fact, Pac-Man, the fever didn't have the same devestating effect on him.\n\nSatisfied that he had saved the world, Pac-Man decided it was time to save himself. He threw the last of his pills away. \n\nIt was time to take his life back.\n<html><center><h3>THE END</h3></html>\n[[Restart this story!|pacmanIntro]]\n[[Write a different story!|Last Minute]]

INCORRECT! It was a Call of Duty fan!\n\nCOD FACT: The M1911 is the only gun implemented in EVERY game of the Call of Duty franchise.\n\n[[Next quote!|Question 7]]\n

Tables are littered all around the large room, with an all you can eat buffet to the right of you offering a variety of mostly synthetic food.\n\nTo the left is a Venusian working the [[soda bar|Soda bar]], and next to it is door, which leads to the research labs. A small [[keypad|The keypad]] is placed on the wall beside it.

<<set $drinks_up = "yes">>You ask the bartender about the code, but they don't understand Earthican, and you don't understand Venusian.\n\nAfter a few minutes of trying to understand each other, the bartender rolls its three eyes. They place four drinks in front of you, each appearing incredibly unsafe for human consumption. They point to the drinks, before waddling off to serve other patrons.\n\n<<display 'Drinks'>>\n

You begin to walk to the right. Unfortunately, the rest of your body disagrees with this decision, and you quickly find yourself on the floor.\n\nPolice are seen brutally attacking a group of protesters.\n\n[[Just lay down here for a while.|Lay lady lay]]\n[[Pull yourself up.|Pull]]<<set $right = 1>>

<html><center><h1>ZERO BARS</h1></center></html>\nSweat splatters across your body, and the air is loaded with a fusion of smells that fill you with emotions careening between exhilaration and disgust.\n\n[[Push your way through the crowd.|Push]]\n[[Scream and jump with the crowd.|Jump]]<<set $left = 0>><<set $right = 0>>

Okay! <<if $origami eq 1>>Peter Paper the Perferator as the hero!<<endif>><<if $sloth eq 1>>A sloth as the hero!<<endif>><<if $pacman eq 1>>Pac-Man as the hero!<<endif>> Beetroot as the source of conflict! The Comfy Cuddler as the villain!\n\n<html><center><h3>LET'S BEGIN...</h3></html>\n<<set $comfy = 1>><<if $origami eq 1>><<display 'paperIntro'>><<endif>><<if $sloth eq 1>><<display 'slothIntro'>><<endif>><<if $pacman eq 1>><<display 'pacmanIntro'>><<endif>>

Ah, my comfy bed. I've had some fun times on there, if you know what I mean!\n\nI mean that I’ve often sat on it while playing videogames.\n\nAlso, I’ve occasionally used it while engaging in sexual activities! Teehee!\n\nHm, perhaps I should have a lie down! The comfyness of my bed may help me be creative!\n\n[[Sure!|B3]]\n[[No way!|B2]]\n

Good idea! The comfyness of the bed will probably just make me fall asleep and miss the deadline, anyway!\n\nWait... the Comfy Cuddler! Some kind of being that incapacities its enemies by making them incredibly comfortable! Surely that is the perfect villain?\n\n[[Surely!|B4]]\n[[No way! And don't call me Shirley!|villain]]

I lie down, only to accidentally fall asleep and realise I missed the deadline when I wake up!\n\nIn a very dramatic fashion, I raise my fists and scream "Noooooooo!" at the sky as rain falls on my face. That last bit I found rather strange as I remember installing a roof in my house.\n\nIT'S A SHAME MY ADVENTURE HAS ENDED HERE!\n\n[[Undo! UNDO!|B1]]

No matter the time of day, the sun will always pour light into this room due to the station's position in orbit. Luckily, the blinds are capable of blocking all incoming light.\n\nEvery time you look outside the window, you get the classic Ace of Base song "The Sign" stuck in your head, with the word "sign" replaced with "sun." It never gets old.\n\n<<display 'Room'>>

[[Peter makes an origami vacuum cleaner.|PP4A]]\n[[Peter makes an origami ice pick.|PP5A]]\n[[Peter makes an origami egg beater.|PP6A]]\n\n

<html><center><h1>THE MINIMALIST GAME</h1></center></html>\nDo you want to win?<<set $responseRandom = Math.floor(Math.random()*2+1)>>\n<<if $responseRandom eq 1>><html></br></html>[[Yes.|VICTORY]]<html></br></html>[[No.|GAME OVER]]<<endif>><<if $responseRandom eq 2>><html></br></html>[[No.|GAME OVER]]<html></br></html>[[Yes.|VICTORY]]<<endif>>

[[Peter makes an origami vacuum cleaner.|PP4B]]\n[[Peter makes an origami ice pick.|PP5B]]\n[[Peter makes an origami egg beater.|PP6B]]

<<if $wrong_choices lte 1>>[[Hit yourself!|Stop hitting yourself!]]\n[[Punch the airlock button!|THE END!]]\n[[Tackle yourself!|Tackle]]<<else>><<display 'GAME OVER!'>><<endif>>\n

You scream all the obscenities you know, and a few that you're pretty sure you just invented.\n\nYour actions have attracted the attention of two large men who begin to walk towards you. You notice a shotgun in a nearby corner.\n\nTwo protestors die after being hit with live ammunition.\n\n[[Grab the shotgun.|To arms]]\n[[Try to escape them.|Flee]]\n

You pull yourself up and rest your elbows on the wooden surface above.\n\n<<display 'Water'>>

<<set $wrong_choices = 0>>The door slides open with a "DING!" and you quickly make your way down the revealed hallway.\n\nYou turn a corner and literally bump into yourself. You've found the shapeshifter, and it’s taken your form! How rude!\n\n<<display 'Take action'>>

You and your friends continue onto the next bar.

\n *** You have won ***\n\n\nIn that game you scored 1 out of a possible 1, in 1 turn.\n\n\nWould you like to [[RESTART|The Minimalist Game]]?

INCORRECT! It was a One Direction fan!\n\n1D FACT: Liam bought Niall a life sized 'Barack Obama' for Christmas.\n\n[[Next quote!|Question 6]]\n

CORRECT!<<set $points = $points + 1>>\n\n1D FACT: Liam bought Niall a life sized 'Barack Obama' for Christmas.\n\n[[Next quote!|Question 6]]\n

INCORRECT! It was a Call of Duty fan!\n\nCOD FACT: Early in development, the Spy Plane was user-controllable and capable of painting enemies for the player's team.\n\n[[Next question!|Question 5]]\n

After being escorted out of the bar thanks to your outrageous behaviour, you bump into your friends. They have been trying to track you down for a while now and are ready to hit the next bar.\n\nAs you move on and walk past the bar's window, you look at the TV inside which is reporting the protests in the Ukraine after the President announced plans to become closer with Moscow as opposed to the European Union.\n\n<<display 'Time to leave'>>

CORRECT!<<set $points = $points + 1>>\n\nCOD FACT: Early in development, the Spy Plane was user-controllable and capable of painting enemies for the player's team.\n\n[[Next question!|Question 5]]\n

[[Game Menu|Game Menu]]

A woman offers you some bottled water. "You need this," she says.\n\nMore people appear at the protests. Thousands upon thousands.\n\n[[Drink the water.|Drink]]\n[[Decline and talk to the man next to you.|Belch]]\n

Two options appear obvious to you, mainly because you don't feel that you could manage anything else right now.\n\n[[Stumble to the left.|Left]]\n[[Fall to the right.|Right]]\n

The keypad sighs happily.\n\n[[Press the red button.|WRONG!]]\n[[Press the green button.|WRONG!]]\n[[Press the blue button.|WRONG!]]\n[[Press the yellow button.|Correct three!]]

I wasn't too interested in this game until my friend showed me that you can shoot people with a shark gun. No, it doesn't shoot sharks. Instead, it covers the target with bait and a moment later a shark will shoot up out of the ground and gobble them up.\n\nClassy stuff.\n\nThere was even a bit where the player gets pulled into a computer and plays a Choose Your Own Adventure game, much like the one I'm currently trying to write!\n\nMaybe I should have a quick play of it for some inspiration.\n\n[[Of course! Play a game to find inspiration for my own game!|P4]]\n[[Hm. Nah. Naaahhhhhh.|P1]]

Ah. I became quite moody after I first purchased this collection of arcade classics, because it turned out none of the games included local multiplayer. \n\nI mean, what the hell! These games were made to be played with people in the same room, back when their cabinets were crammed in arcades across the nation! Is playing Sky Kid together with someone sitting next to me really too much to ask?\n\nOkay, okay, calm down. I need to focus or I won't get my game finished. Let's just see if any of the game titles inspire me.\n\n[[The aforementioned Sky Kid... that's inspiring!|P5]]\n[[No, Pac-Man! Now THAT'S inspiring!|P7]]\n[[I think I'll look for inspiration elsewhere.|hero]]

You take a swipe at the man, who dodges with ease, mainly because your swipe was about three meters off.\n\nHe prepares to respond, be before he can you're both picked up and thrown outside.\n\nTen police officers are killed during a violent clash between them and protestors.\n\n<<display 'Thrown out'>>

I take a look at my DVD rack which I had cunningly reengineered into holding my Xbox games. I casually look over my collection until I got to the final two: Namco Museum Virtual Arcade and Saints Row: The Third.\n\n[[Take a closer look at Saints Row: The Third.|P2]]\n[[Take a closer look at Namco Museum Virtual Arcade.|P3]]

Hm, the story needs a hero. Let's have a mosey about the room and see what I can find!\n\n[[Take a gander at my desk.|D1]]\n[[Take a peek at my shelf.|S1]]\n[[Take a look at my DVD rack.|P1]]

Alright! Pac-Man is the hero! Thank the Golden Girls for fair use!\n\n<<set $pacman = 1>><<display 'conflict'>>

I fire up the game and quickly get distracted by making people explode with comically over-sized fists, causing me to miss the competition deadline.\n\nNo work and all play makes me a chump!\n\n[[Undo! UNDO!|P2]]

Okay, no, seriously, they're a multi-million dollar company and they couldn't throw in some local multiplayer? What the hell? It would have cost them like twenty bucks to implement it! Uh oh, I feel a blind rage coming on!\n\nTEN MINUTES LATER\n\nAnd another thing... wait... damn it, I've been so distracted with being angry that I missed the deadline!\n\nCurse you, Namco! Curse you!\n\n[[Undo! UNDO!|P3]]

Pac-Man munched down a couple of caffeine pills which, for some reason, he took in place of antidepressants. \n\nHe suddenly found himself full of energy and broke out with Pac-Man fever, dancing his round rump off!\n\n"Goodness! You're going to hurt yourself dancing like that! Allow me to calm you down... with CUDDLES!" exclaimed the Comfy Cuddler! \n\nThe gas enveloped Pac-Man, but it seemed to have little effect on him. He continued to dance like there was no tomorrow!\n\n"Argh! My cuddling powers seem weak against you! You're just so... so... HYPER!" The Comfy Cuddler tried to express anger and frustration as much as a floating cloud of gas could, which apparently is not much.\n\n"Looks like I'll have to go into overdrive!" The Comfy Cuddler started to vibrate violently and made a noise similar to what one would make while having trouble on the toilet, before it suddenly disintegrated!\n\nIt would seem that it had continuously pumped cuddle power through itself until it accidentally self-destructed.\n\nSatisfied that he had saved the world, Pac-Man decided it was time to save himself. He threw the last of his pills away. \n\nIt was time to take his life back.\n<html><center><h3>THE END</h3></html>\n[[Restart this story!|pacmanIntro]]\n[[Write a different story!|Last Minute]]

You search the darkness, and eventually notice a small, flashing red button to the left of your head.\n\n[[Push the button!|View]]

Pac-Man gulped down a handful of random pills. Unfortunately, they all turned out to be suppositories and provided no useful effects when used orally.\n\n"I think what you need is a good cuddle!" said the Comfy Cuddler, rather excitedly.\n\n“Stay the hell away from my man!” The voice belonged to Ms. Pac-Man who emerged from the shadows, in all her curvy glory!\n\n“Pepper!” ejaculated Pac-Man. “What are you doing here? I thought I’d never see you again!” “When I heard what was happening here, I had to come back,” Ms. Pac-Man responded. “I had to know you were okay.” “I... I didn’t know you still cared.”\n\n“Of course I care, you big fool! I left because I cared! I couldn’t stand to watch you destroy yourself with your pill addiction. I never cared about the fame; all I cared about was you!”\n\nTears began to swell up in Pac-Man’s eyes. “Oh, Pepper!” he proclaimed. “I love you so much!” “I love you too, my little Pac-Pal!” They embraced for a Pac-Cuddle!\n\nThis heart warming display seemed to have moved the Comfy Cuddler deeply. “What a fool I have been! I'll never find true love and happiness by hurting the people around me! I hope one day that I find the love that the two of you share, but until then, I’ll work on repairing the damage that I’ve done.” The cloud floated off into the distance.\n\nPac-Man started to throw away his collection of pills, preparing to start life anew with his family by his side, when Ms. Pac-Man stopped him from throwing away a bottle of little blue, diamond shaped tablets. “Maybe hang on to those ones, Paccy,” she said with a sly wink.\n<html><center><h3>THE END</h3></html>\n[[Restart this story!|pacmanIntro]]\n[[Write a different story!|Last Minute]]

Pac-Man chugged down a few iron supplement pills, turning his fists into cold, hard metal! He took a swing at the Comfy Cuddler!\n\nOf course, since the Comfy Cuddler was little more than a cloud of gas (albeit a sentient one), Pac-Man's fist flew straight through it. He swung another and another, each failing to cause any harm to the Comfy Cuddler.\n\n"Teehee, knock it off! That tickles! I think what you need is a good cuddle!"\n\n“Stay the hell away from my man!” The voice belonged to Ms. Pac-Man who emerged from the shadows, in all her curvy glory!\n\n“Pepper!” ejaculated Pac-Man. “What are you doing here? I thought I’d never see you again!” “When I heard what was happening here, I had to come back,” Ms. Pac-Man responded. “I had to know you were okay.” “I... I didn’t know you still cared.”\n\n“Of course I care, you big fool! I left because I cared! I couldn’t stand to watch you destroy yourself with your pill addiction. I never cared about the fame; all I cared about was you!”\n\nTears began to swell up in Pac-Man’s eyes. “Oh, Pepper!” he proclaimed. “I love you so much!” “I love you too, my little Pac-Pal!” They embraced for a Pac-Cuddle!\n\nThis heart warming display seemed to have moved the Comfy Cuddler deeply. “What a fool I have been! I'll never find true love and happiness by hurting the people around me! I hope one day that I find the love that the two of you share, but until then, I’ll work on repairing the damage that I’ve done.” The cloud floated off into the distance.\n\nPac-Man started to throw away his collection of pills, preparing to start life anew with his family by his side, when Ms. Pac-Man stopped him from throwing away a bottle of little blue, diamond shaped tablets. “Maybe hang on to those ones, Paccy,” she said with a sly wink.\n<html><center><h3>THE END</h3></html>\n[[Restart this story!|pacmanIntro]]\n[[Write a different story!|Last Minute]]

Gavin decided he'd had enough of whatever this nonsense is, and took a good hard swipe with his claw at Yorke’s embedded synthesiser!\n\nYorke stumbled back, sparks shooting out from the now exposed wires in his chest. At first it seemed the nefarious Brit had been vanquished, before he suddenly transformed into a giant robot as towering and monstrous as Oprah Winfrey's ego. This Yorke-Bot then shot flames out of his titanium navel, burning down several nearby used bookstores, then removed a large green broadsword from his chest cavity and began flailing it about wildly. Taking unusual action for a sloth, Gavin grabbed a nearby thermonuclear missile and the author suddenly realised he didn't have enough time left to write a dramatic fight scene involving a giant robot and a sloth, so decided to just skip ahead.\n\nGavin surveyed the wreckage, not comprehending what even transpired that day. Then again, how could he?\n\nBecause, Gavin?\n\nGavin is a sloth.\n<html><center><h3>THE END</h3></html>\n[[Restart this story!|slothIntro]]\n[[Write a different story!|Last Minute]]

Suddenly, the shapeshifter turns into a herd of elephants and tramples you to death!\n\nNow that was a crushing defeat!\n\n<html><center><h1>GAME OVER!</h1></center></html>\n\n[[Try again!|To the labs!]]

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Gavin began to lick away at his genitals. To be honest, he didn't find the flavour to be too pleasing, but for some reason he just couldn't bring himself not to do it!\n\nSuddenly, a piano fell on Thom Yorke. He crawled out from underneath it and wrung his bony hands with malice. "Now it is time for my brilliant plan to come to fruition!" He looked down at what was left of the piano, and wryly remarked, "Well, it appears your frame has been CLEFT asunder! Clearly you didn't MEASURE up. Take NOTE: if you wish to BEAT me, you need to be prepared to face the MUSIC." These music-themed puns continued for another twenty minutes, including a questionable one involving the word "pianist."\n\n"Now, where was I? Oh yes, the second MOVEMENT of my plan!" Thom tightened his goggles and began handing out pamphlets extolling the spiritual nutrients to be found through beetroot. He even had T-shirts and rubber awareness bracelets! Mostly though, he just injected people left and right with syringes chock-full of the beetroot fever virus.\n\nThen he got hit by a truck.\n\nGavin didn't realise just how close the human race was to destruction that day. Well, he wasn't really capable of realising it. He was just happy to lick his own genitals.\n\nBecause, Gavin?\n\nGavin is a sloth.\n<html><center><h3>THE END</h3></html>\n[[Restart this story!|slothIntro]]\n[[Write a different story!|Last Minute]]

Gavin began to lick away at his genitals. To be honest, he didn't find the flavour to be too pleasing, but for some reason he just couldn't bring himself not to do it!\n\nThe Comfy Cuddler cringed as much as floating cloud of gas could, which apparently isn't much.\n\n"Frankly, I find this display a little off-putting! If it's all the same to you, I think I'll pass on cuddling you and just move on. Have a lovely day!"\n\nThe Comfy Cuddler went on to wreak havoc across the world with its cuddles.\n\nFrankly, Gavin wasn't too fussed about this. In fact, he didn't really understand what was going on and continued to merrily lick his own genitals.\n\nBecause, Gavin?\n\nGavin is a sloth.\n<html><center><h3>THE END</h3></html>\n[[Restart this story!|slothIntro]]\n[[Write a different story!|Last Minute]]

"ONE DAY I’ll find you and slit your throat"\n\n[[Call of Duty fan.|Answer 10A]]\n[[One Direction fan.|Answer 10B]]

Pac-Man stuffed a couple of Pac-Earplugs into his Pac-Ears and followed this up by gulping down a couple of sleeping pills. The noise from outside faded as he slowly drifted off to sleep.\n\nHe dreamed he was with his family, on an island floating over an empty city. There were no ghosts, there was no fame and there were no pills.\n\nIn his dreams, Pac-Man was happy.\n\nWhen he woke, he noticed the apocalypse had begun.\n\nHe really couldn't catch a break.\n<html><center><h3>THE END</h3></html>\n[[Restart this story!|pacmanIntro]]\n[[Write a different story!|Last Minute]]

Pac-Man quickly donned some Pac-Pants and rushed out of his Pac-Door and onto the streets, which were now flooded with panic. It soon became clear that it was due to a sudden lack of food worldwide. Well, a lack of food with the exception of beetroot, but that hardly counts as a food.\n\nBut who made it happen? How did it happen? When did it happen? Where did it happen? Which did it happen?\n\nActually, let's just focus on the first one.\n\n<<if $blister eq 1>><<display 'blist3'>><<endif>><<if $yorke eq 1>><<display 'yorke3'>><<endif>><<if $comfy eq 1>><<display 'comfy3'>><<endif>>

You run towards and grab the bright orange shotgun, and spin wildly around to take aim at the two approaching men.\n\nThis doesn't quite work out, as a plastic cord attached to the gun snaps you back and severely limits your aim. You need to come up with a backup plan.\n\nViolence continues to escalate at the barricades.\n\n[[Time to throw down. Right now.|Thrown out]]\n[[Run away.|Flee]]\n

You scream with all the power your lungs can muster and thrust your body, fist first, into the air. You close your eyes and let the energy take you over.\n\nWhen you open your eyes, you discover that you've somehow found yourself behind the crowd, jumping and screaming on your own. \n\nYou also notice, judging by the difficulty you face trying to stand up, that your legs have seemingly turned into jelly. You stumble around, eventually stopping and propping yourself up against a wall.\n\n[[Stumble to the left.|Left]]\n[[Fall to the right.|Right]]\n

It turns out the floor is not terribly comfortable. Not only that, all the rogue feet are making it dangerous.\n\nLuckily, one pair of feet belongs to someone who helps you up. You rest your elbows on the wooden surface above.\n\n<<display 'Water'>>\n

Hulk Handsome

The first drink is a green goop known as Slurm. It's famous for having more sugar content than any other known beverage in the galaxy.\n\nNext to it is a tall glass full of a bright blue Neptunium drink known as Blue Valhalla. It's apparently liquefied gas.\n\nThird is a bright yellow, durian flavoured Fanta. Clothes pegs are clipped to the side of a glass. It's considered common courtesy to hand these out to anyone who is near you when consuming this beverage. \n\nFinally, on the end, is a titanium mug holding what appears to be bubbling, red magma. It's popular among robots.\n\n<<display 'Restaurant'>>

You wake up surrounded by darkness.<<forgetall>>\n\n[[Search for a sign of light.|Light]]

<<silently>>\n<<set $console_used = $console_used + 1>>\n<<endsilently>><<if $console_used eq 1>>The console springs to life.\n\n<<display 'Consoling'>>\n<<else if $console_used eq 2>>A series of bleeps and bloops emit from the console's speakers.\n\n<<display 'Consoling'>>\n<<else>>The monitors light up. Everything looks normal, except on the final monitor. It shows a gaseous cloud with a gigantic eye ball floating at its center.\n\nIt's a dangerous shapeshifting entity that has escaped! You better get down there quick smart and do something about it. Or, at the very least, inform someone who CAN do something about it.\n\n[[Teleport away!|Beam me anywhere, Scotty]]<<endif>>

Pac-Man munched down a couple of caffeine pills which, for some reason, he took in place of antidepressants. \n\nHe suddenly found himself full of energy. Energy... and a blinding rage! He leapt onto Mister Blister and ripped apart the creature’s flesh with his bare hands as the grotesque beast screamed in agony. Like this: “Ahhhoohhhaahhhhoohah!” Pac-Man even tore off flesh using only his teeth! Nasty.\n\nOnce the caffeine high wore off, Pac-Man got off the defeated Mister Blister and gazed at the moaning pile of flesh that lay before him.\n \n"What have I become?" Pac-Man thought to himself. "I'm no less a monster than Mister Blister."\n\nSatisfied that he had saved the world, Pac-Man decided it was time to save himself. He threw the last of his pills away. \n\nIt was time to take his life back.\n<html><center><h3>THE END</h3></html>\n[[Restart this story!|pacmanIntro]]\n[[Write a different story!|Last Minute]]

Alright! A sloth it is!\n\n<<set $sloth = 1>><<display 'conflict'>>

I take a gander at the shelf and see a birthday card a high school friend gave me many years ago. She's one of the very few people from that era of my life who I vividly remember, and that's only because she once accidentally set my hair on fire.\n\nI’m glad I have little memory of those days. It was back before I blossomed into the dapper chap I am today. In fact, back then I somehow ended up with the nickname "sloth." I would probably embrace it these days, because sloths are damn adorable.\n\nWait... a sloth... what a heroic figure! What could be more perfect?\n\n[[Nothing!|S2]]\n[[Anything!|hero]]

Hello, and welcome to...\n<html><center><h1>THE HANDSOME TEXT COLLECTION!</h1></center></html>My name is Hulk Handsome (NOTE: this is not my real name, but rather a very silly pseudonym used for far longer than intended), and I do many things. One of those things is make games!\n\nI've released some fairly large, polished games created in Twine (Machine of Death, The Hunting Lodge) and Inform 7 (In a Manor of Speaking), but I've also made quite a number of smaller games, too!\n\nThey aren't substantial enough to be released individually on a portal such as this one, which is why I put them all together here!\n\nTo begin, go ahead and click on that ever so inviting GAME MENU link on the left.\n\nI hope you enjoy yourself! If not, well, I still enjoyed your company!\n\n Hugs and kisses,\n\n Hulk Handsome

You lift the cover and look at the lamp. Inside the bulb are small, luminous fish from the massive underground lakes of Venus. These small creatures have replaced traditional lighting in most places.\n\nYou lower the cover again.\n\n<<display 'Room'>>

<<display 'Moving left'>>

CORRECT!<<set $points = $points + 1>>\n\n1D FACT: Harry knows how to knit.\n\n[[Next quote!|Question 4]]\n

INCORRECT! It was a One Direction fan!\n\n1D FACT: Harry knows how to knit.\n\n[[Next quote!|Question 4]]\n

Gavin decided he’d had enough of whatever this nonsense was, and took a good hard swipe at the Comfy Cuddler! \n\nOf course, since it's nothing more than a cloud of gas (albeit a sentient one), Gavin's claws went right through it.\n\n"Now, now! There is no need for that behaviour!” claimed the Comfy Cuddler. “What you need is a good cuddle!"\n\nThe gas enveloped Gavin, causing his agitation to subside and quickly send him to sleep! With its work done here, the Comfy Cuddler moved on to wreak havoc on the rest of the world with its cuddles.\n\nEven when he woke up, Gavin wasn't too fussed about this.\n\nBecause, Gavin?\n\nGavin is a sloth.\n<html><center><h3>THE END</h3></html>\n[[Restart this story!|slothIntro]]\n[[Write a different story!|Last Minute]]

<<silently>>\n<<set $drinks_up = "no">>\n<<set $looked_at_keypad = "no">>\n<<endsilently>>You slam your fist against the Transport button and whisk yourself away.\n\nYour vision blurs and you feel slight nausea before the world finally decides to stop spinning. You look up and find yourself in the station's restaurant.\n\nInitially configuring your teleporter to bring you here seemed like a good idea at the time, mainly because you were hungry. Now, not so much.\n\n<<display 'Restaurant'>>

Your research console is a monolithic computer device, like something out of the 1970s, except about three billion times more powerful.\n\nIt is decorated with a smorgasbord of controls.\n\n[[Fiddle with some knobs.|Working]]\n[[Tweak some dials.|Working]]\n[[Push some buttons.|Working]]

You accidentally let off a gigantic belch into the gentleman's face. He is clearly unimpressed.\n\nIt's discovered that one of the protest leaders has gone missing.\n\n[[Apologise.|Oops]]\n[[Take a swing at him before he does the same to you.|Duel]]\n<<if $left eq 0>>[[Run away!|Moving left]]<<endif>>

"[TREYARCH/GQ] CAN GO FUCK THEMSELVES WITH A CHAINSAW UP THEIR ASSHOLE TILL IT MUTILATES THEIR INSIDES"\n\n[[Call of Duty fan! Possibly!|Answer 8A]]\n[[One Directioner! Maybe!|Answer 8B]]\n

"i hope you die in the gas chambers like your parents did"\n\n[[Call of Duty fan?|Answer 9A]]\n[[One Direction fan?|Answer 9B]]\n

"I HOPE YOU BURN IN HELL YOU FUCKING COCKSUCKER AND I HOPE YOU GET RAPED AND GET AIDS AND DIE IN THE BIGGEST PAIN IMAGINABLE"\n\n[[Call of Duty fan! Who else?|Answer 6A]]\n[[One Direction fan! Do you even need to ask?|Answer 6B]]\n

"I'M GONNA BOMB YOUR HEADQUARTERS!"\n\n[[Call of Duty fan! C'mon!|Answer 7A]]\n[[One Direction fan! Duh!|Answer 7B]]\n

"I will skin your wife alive and have sex with her fleshless body. I will then wear her flesh and make you pay."\n\n[[Call of Duty fan! I assure you!|Answer 4A]]\n[[One Direction fan! Who else could it be?|Answer 4B]]\n

"THIS IS AN INDIRECT TO YOUR [DEVELOPER/EDITOR] IM GOING TO TAKE YOUR TESTICLES AND POUND THEM WITH A HAMMER"\n\n[[Call of Duty fan! These are too easy!|Answer 5A]]\n[[One Directioner! I've never been so sure of anything in my life!|Answer 5B]]\n\n

"DO YOU REALIZE HOW MANY PEOPLE WANT TO CASTRATE THE PEOPLE WHO WORK FOR THIS SHITTY [DEVELOPER/MAGAZINE]?"\n\n[[Call of Duty fan, obviously!|Answer 2A]]\n[[One Direction fan, most certainly!|Answer 2B]]\n

"I'll fucking kill you"\n\n[[Call of Duty fan! It's plain to see!|Answer 3A]]\n[[One Direction fan! No doubt in my mind!|Answer 3B]]\n

"I hope your whole family gets cancer and dies."<<set $points = 0>>\n\n[[Call of Duty fan, no doubt!|Answer 1A]]\n[[One Directioner! Most definitely!|Answer 1B]]\n

Peter frowned. Once a great origami master, he vowed to never practice the art again after it once led to him burning down an orphanage in a freak accident. But the world needed his skills again.\n\nThe world needed the Perferator again.\n\nHe took some paper and carefully folded it into an egg beater and attacked the Comfy Cuddler with it! \n\nOf course, since the Comfy Cuddler is a little more than a cloud of gas (albeit a sentient one), the egg beater ends up flying harmlessly right through it.\n\n"Oh, you poor fellow," whispered the Comfy Cuddler. "I know what will calm you down. A good, hard cuddle!"\n\nThe gas enveloped Peter, causing him to fill up with all sorts of warm and fuzzy feelings! He quickly becomes so peaceful that he nods right off to sleep. Tragically, for dramatic purposes a rock was placed in an unfortunate position. Peter fell on it head first and died instantly.\n \nThe Comfy Cuddler felt rather rotten about all this, so went on to cuddle some more people to make itself feel better.\n<html><center><h3>THE END</h3></html>\n[[Restart this story!|paperIntro]]\n[[Write a different story!|Last Minute]]

Suddenly, every person towards the end of street fell to the ground and into a slumber, a smile dotted on each of their faces. Gavin didn't find this particularly unusual because, as a sloth, he spent quite a lot of his time sleeping. He was, however, vaguely curious about the life form that appeared to be made out of a mysterious gas floating towards him.\n\n"Oh my goodness, would you just look at you!" began the being. "So adorable! I could just cuddle you all up! Oh! Where are my manners. Allow me to introduce myself!"\n\nThe creature cleared it's throat even though it didn't appear to have one. “I’m known as the Comfy Cuddler, and boy howdy, do I ever love cuddling! So much so that I want to cuddle everyone... in the entire world! And when is the time people most want to cuddle?" \n\nGavin responded with a nonchalant stare.\n\n"Why, when there’s something to panic about! So I made beetroot the only food source, causing a worldwide panic and ensuring no one will be stable! That's when I come in to spread my cuddles around the world and make them feel like everything is okay! It's going to be all rather lovely. What do you think about this?"\n\n<<display 'G3B'>>

CORRECT!<<set $points = $points + 1>>\n\nCOD FACT: Black Ops has seven usable knives in the game.\n\n[[The results!|RESULTS]]\n

Suddenly, every person towards the end of street fell to the ground and into a slumber, a smile dotted on each of their faces. A life form that appeared to be made out of a mysterious gas floated past the nappers and approached Pac-Man.\n\n“Hi there!” it said in a surprisingly friendly tone. “I’m known as the Comfy Cuddler! I see that you’re admiring my work here!”\n\n“You? You did this? Why?” Pac-Man asked in a less friendly tone.\n\n"It’s pretty simple, my good fellow!” began the Comfy Cuddler. “I love cuddling! So much so that I want to cuddle everyone... in the entire world! And when is the time when people most want to cuddle?" \n\n"During storms?" responded Pac-Man.\n\n"Yes, but also when there’s something to panic about! So I made beetroot the only food source, causing a worldwide panic and ensuring no one will be stable! That's when I come in to spread my cuddles around the world and make them feel like everything is okay! It's going to be all rather lovely."\n\nAll this talk of cuddles led Pac-Man to reminisce about his wife. Well, he supposed she was now his ex-wife. Oh, how he missed her. She was the only pacson that understood him. The only pacson who knew exactly how to make him smile. And now she was gone.\n\nNo. No, he had to stay focused. He had to do something about this creature before it caused the fall of society.\n\n[[Pac-Man chugged a caffeine pill.|PC6A]]\n[[Pac-Man consumed an iron supplement pill.|PC6B]]\n[[Pac-Man gulped a random pill.|PC6C]]

A hoverspring bed, designed to simulate sleeping in zero gravity. Many people consider the feeling a luxury, but you never quite got used to it.\n\nIt also greatly enhances sexual encounters. Or so you're told. Tragically, you've been a little too busy to try it yourself.\n\n<<display 'Room'>>

INCORRECT! It was a Call of Duty fan!\n\nCOD FACT: Black Ops has seven usable knives in the game.\n\n[[The results!|RESULTS]]\n

You stare (though "squint" would be a more accurate description) at the light and plan your next move.\n\nBruised and bloodied faces are seen running through the crowds.\n\n[[Scream profanities at the light.|Curse]]<<set $left = 1>>\n[[Dance! Dance like you've never danced before!|Dance]]\n

I take the beetroot out. I don’t even like touching it! \n\nWait... a world where beetroot is the main source of food... what a fantastic dramatic premise!\n\n[[How enticing! I'm going for it!|D3A]]\n[[Eat the burger eat the burger eat the burger|D4A]]\n

<html><center><h1>LAST MINUTE</h1></center>\n\n<center>A hastily written interactive story by Ruderbager Doppelganger, a.k.a. Hulk Handsome.</center>\n<p>\n<center>Additional material by the ALINE KREW and Daphny David.</center></html>\nOh, crap! Crap, crap, crap! Crappity crappy crap!\n\nPoop.\n\nThe deadline for the 2012 Interactive Fiction Competition is only ten minutes away! There's no chance in Hades that I'll finish my Twine magnum opus before it's pencils down! Well, I could finish it, but it's not something I want to rush, much like my loving.\n\nScrew it! I'll just throw random crap together and submit it! Anything will do, as long as I have an entry and a chance to win that box of authentic Belgian chocolates!\n\nAll I need is some inspiration. Surely a worldly gentleman such as myself can find objects of intellectual stimulation inside the walls of his very bedroom!<<forgetall>>\n\n<<display 'hero'>>\n

You apologise. He gives you one final look of anger before turning his attention back to his drink.\n\nTen police officers are killed during a violent clash between them and protestors.\n\n[[Talk to the attractive person on the other side of you.|Crash, burn]]\n<<if $left eq 1>>[[Move around.|Moving again]]<<endif>><<if $left eq 0>>[[Move around.|Moving left]]<<endif>>

You attempt to push your way through the crowd, but it proves to be too thick. So thick, in fact, that your efforts send you rocketing to the back of the crowd.\n\nYou also notice, judging by the difficulty you face trying to stand up, that your legs have seemingly turned into jelly. You stumble around, eventually stopping and propping yourself up against a wall.\n\n<<display 'Ring ring'>>\n

I begin to wander over to the shelf, only to fall flat on my face. This is primarily due to the massive blister on my foot from running ever so hard (and also while wearing inappropriate shoes. Inappropriate in that they look like genitals.)\n\nWait... blisters... a villain who gives you blisters! Mister Blister!\n\n[[Gross, yet intriguing!|S2B]]\n[[Wait, am I high? That's a terrible idea!|villain]]\n

INCORRECT! It was a One Direction fan!\n\n1D FACT: Liam has a fear of spoons.\n\n[[Next quote!|Question 3]]\n

\n *** You have died ***\n\n\nIn that game you scored 0 out of a possible 1, in 1 turn.\n\n\nWould you like to [[RESTART|The Minimalist Game]]?

CORRECT!<<set $points = $points + 1>>\n\n1D FACT: Liam has a fear of spoons.\n\n[[Next quote!|Question 3]]\n

Okay! <<if $origami eq 1>>Peter Paper the Perferator as the hero!<<endif>><<if $sloth eq 1>>A sloth as the hero!<<endif>><<if $pacman eq 1>>Pac-Man as the hero!<<endif>> Beetroot as the source of conflict! Thom Yorke as the villain!\n\n<html><center><h3>LET'S BEGIN...</h3></html>\n<<set $yorke = 1>><<if $origami eq 1>><<display 'paperIntro'>><<endif>><<if $sloth eq 1>><<display 'slothIntro'>><<endif>><<if $pacman eq 1>><<display 'pacmanIntro'>><<endif>>

Gavin decided that it was the perfect time to have a little lie down, and proceeded to do so. Oh my goody goodness, did he look ever so adorable!\n\n"Oh my gosh, oh my gosh, oh my gosh!" ejaculated the Comfy Cuddler. "You're so cute! I'm going to cuddle you up all up!"\n\nThe gas enveloped Gavin, but it seemed to have little effect on him. He just sat there, looking incredibly "chill" as the kids say today.\n\n"Argh! My cuddling powers seem weak against you! You're just so... so... RELAXED!" The Comfy Cuddler tried to express anger and frustration as much as a floating cloud of gas could, which apparently is not much.\n\n"Looks like I'll have to go into overdrive!" The Comfy Cuddler started to vibrate violently and made a noise similar to what one would make while having trouble on the toilet, before it suddenly disintegrated!\n\nIt would seem that it had continuously pumped cuddle power through itself until it accidentally self-destructed.\n\nGavin didn't realise just how close the human race was to annihilation that day. Well, he wasn't really capable of realising it. He was just happy to have a nice lie down.\n\nBecause, Gavin?\n\nGavin is a sloth.\n<html><center><h3>THE END</h3></html>\n[[Restart this story!|slothIntro]]\n[[Write a different story!|Last Minute]]

Gavin decided that it was the perfect time to have a little lie down, and proceeded to do so. Oh my goody goodness, did he look ever so adorable!\n\nSuddenly, a piano fell on Thom Yorke. He crawled out from underneath it and wrung his bony hands with malice. "Now it is time for my brilliant plan to come to fruition!" He looked down at what was left of the piano, and wryly remarked, "Well, it appears your frame has been CLEFT asunder! Clearly you didn't MEASURE up. Take NOTE: if you wish to BEAT me, you need to be prepared to face the MUSIC." These music-themed puns continued for another twenty minutes, including a questionable one involving the word "pianist."\n\n"Now, where was I? Oh yes, the second MOVEMENT of my plan!" Thom tightened his goggles and began handing out pamphlets extolling the spiritual nutrients to be found through beetroot. He even had T-shirts and rubber awareness bracelets! Mostly though, he just injected people left and right with syringes chock-full of the beetroot fever virus.\n\nThen he got hit by a truck.\n\nGavin didn't realise just how close the human race was to destruction that day. Well, he wasn't really capable of realising it. He was happy to just have a nice lie down.\n\nBecause, Gavin?\n\nGavin is a sloth.\n<html><center><h3>THE END</h3></html>\n[[Restart this story!|slothIntro]]\n[[Write a different story!|Last Minute]]

AND THE RESULTS ARE IN...\n\nYou scored <<if $points gt 0>><<print $points>><<endif>><<if $points eq 0>>zero<<endif>> out of a possible 10, earning you the rank of <<if $points gte 0 and $points lt 6>>an irate Call of Duty fan. Or maybe an angry One Direction fan. It's hard to tell, isn't it?<<endif>><<if $points gte 6 and $points lt 7>>Amateur Angry Fan Identifier.<<endif>><<if $points gte 7 and $points lt 9>>Intermediate Angry Fan Identifier.<<endif>><<if $points gte 9 and $points lt 10>>Expert Angry Fan Identifier.<<endif>><<if $points gte 10>>PROFESSIONAL ANGRY FAN IDENTIFIER. Well done!<<endif>>\n\n[[Try again!|Question 1]]\n

The keypad squees delightfully.\n\n[[Press the red button.|To the labs!]]\n[[Press the green button.|WRONG!]]\n[[Press the blue button.|WRONG!]]\n[[Press the yellow button.|WRONG!]]

You grab hold of a railing and punch the airlock button! It blasts open, sucking out everything that isn't welded down. \n\nThe shapshifter frantically tries to grab onto you, but its arm drifts through your body, it betrayed by its own gaseous form as it's sucked into cold space.\n\nThe airlock reseals, and you plomp butt first onto the ground. You get up and head back to the restaurant to celebrate a job done well enough.\n\n<html><center><h1>THE END!</h1></center></html>

You inadvertently perform the greatest Ian Curtis impersonation the world has ever seen, before tiring out your legs.\n\nTwo protestors die after being hit with live ammunition.\n\n<<if $right eq 1>><<display 'My friends'>><<endif>><<if $right eq 0>>[[Stumble to the right.|Right]]<<endif>>\n

You become briefly lost in your own pockets until you eventually locate your phone. You unlock the screen and read the message.\n\n"Where are you??? We cant fine you"\n\nIt's from one of your friends.\n\n[[Reply to the message.|Reply]]\n[[Ignore it.|Keep on moving]]\n

Peter frowned. Once a great origami master, he vowed to never practice the art again after it once led to him burning down an orphanage in a freak accident. But the world needed his skills again.\n\nThe world needed the Perferator again.\n\nHe took some paper and carefully folded it into an ice pick and attacked the Comfy Cuddler with it! \n\nOf course, since the Comfy Cuddler is a little more than a cloud of gas (albeit a sentient one), the ice pick ends up flying harmlessly right through it.\n\n"Oh, you poor fellow," whispered the Comfy Cuddler. "I know what will calm you down. A good, hard cuddle!"\n\nThe gas enveloped Peter, causing him to fill up with all sorts of warm and fuzzy feelings! He quickly becomes so peaceful that he nods right off to sleep. Tragically, for dramatic purposes a rock was placed in an unfortunate position. Peter fell on it head first and died instantly.\n \nThe Comfy Cuddler felt rather rotten about all this, so went on to cuddle some more people to make itself feel better.\n<html><center><h3>THE END</h3></html>\n[[Restart this story!|paperIntro]]\n[[Write a different story!|Last Minute]]

The first thing that catches my eye is a Radiohead album that an ex-girlfriend lent me. It was an unsuccesful attempt to convince me that the band actually ISN'T terribly dull. She ended up breaking up with me, but not because of that. She said it was to do with me never listening to her or something, I don't know, I wasn't really paying attention when she dumped me.\n\nWait... Thom Yorke, the singer from Radiohead! What a perfect creep for the role of villain!\n\n[[Now that's special!|D2B]]\n[[I wish it was special! There's gotta be something else!|villain]]

"I'm sorry Gavin. It just isn't working out. You're real cute and all, but you're also lazy, unemployed and emotionally distant. Furthermore, you're a sloth."\n\nThis was all true and Gavin didn't deny it. This is primarily because, as a sloth, Gavin didn't really comprehend the situation and just stared at his soon to be ex-girlfriend with indifference. \n\n"See! This is exactly what I'm talking about! I'm sorry Gavin. It's over." She walked out of the door, and by extension, Gavin's life.\n\nIt is a bit of a mystery as to how a sloth came to date Portuguese supermodel Seios Grandes in the first place. They originally met at a charity auction for sufferers of paraesthesia (also known as "pins and needles"), where Gavin won an airsickness bag that was once famously used by Marilyn Munroe with a bid of eight hundred thousand dollars. \n\nHow a sloth managed to become invited to such an event, bid on such an item and obtain such an amount of money was also a mystery, which is exactly what attracted Seios to him. He was a sloth of mystery. Plus, he was incredibly cute.\n\nBut over time mysteries will fade and all that was left was his cuteness which apparently wasn't enough to sustain a healthy relationship.\n\nGavin sat in the middle of his luxury New York apartment, feeling rather nonplussed about the whole situation.\n\n[[Gavin went outside.|G1]]\n[[Gavin stayed in his apartment.|G2]]

Pac-Man chugged down a few iron supplement pills, turning his fists into cold, hard metal! He punched a hole right through Mister Blister's flesh!\n\n"Ow! OW! That really hurt! Ouchy ouch!" Pus started to erupt from Mister Blister's open wounds, showering the surrounding buildings in what was a rather disgusting display! As the pus exploded from Mister Blister’s bloated body, he deflated until he was nothing more than a pile of rather nasty flesh on the ground. Pac-Man had saved humanity!\n\nSatisfied that he had saved the world, Pac-Man decided it was time to save himself. He threw the last of his pills away. \n\nIt was time to take his life back.\n<html><center><h3>THE END</h3></html>\n[[Restart this story!|pacmanIntro]]\n[[Write a different story!|Last Minute]]

Pac-Man gulped down a handful of random pills. Unfortunately, they all turned out to be laxatives and he ended up soiling his Pac-Pants, which did little to help his current predicament.\n\nMister Blister made short work of him before going on to eradicate humanity from the planet.\n<html><center><h3>THE END</h3></html>\n[[Restart this story!|pacmanIntro]]\n[[Write a different story!|Last Minute]]

<<set $wrong_choices = $wrong_choices + 1>>You take a swing at the shapeshifter, only for your fist to fly right through it and you stumble to the floor! \n\nDespite its undeniably attractive appearance, it's still mostly a floating cloud of gas!\n\n<<display 'Take action'>>\n

CORRECT!<<set $points = $points + 1>>\n\nCOD FACT: Call of Duty: Ghosts may have the word in the title, but ghosts have also appeared in many of the games in the franchise. Spiritual forms and disembodied voices can be heard in several of the games.\n\n[[Next quote!|Question 10]]\n

INCORRECT! It was a Call of Duty fan!\n\nCOD FACT: Call of Duty: Ghosts may have the word in the title, but ghosts have also appeared in many of the games in the franchise. Spiritual forms and disembodied voices can be heard in several of the games.\n\n[[Next quote!|Question 10]]\n

Time for a villain. Where to look?\n\n[[The desk!|D1B]]\n[[The shelf!|S1B]]\n[[The bed!|B1]]\n

CORRECT!<<set $points = $points + 1>>\n\nCOD FACT: 'Влади́мир Р. Мака́ров' is Russian for Vladimir R. Makarov.\n\n[[Next quote!|Question 2]]\n

INCORRECT! It was a Call of Duty fan!\n\nCOD FACT: 'Влади́мир Р. Мака́ров' is Russian for Vladimir R. Makarov.\n\n[[Next quote!|Question 2]]\n

You try to reply before realising that you have no idea where you are. Even if you did, your reception has just dropped to zero bars. Time to move.\n\n<<display 'Keep on moving'>>

Not sure where to start? DON'T PEE YOURSELF and GO WEST are my personal favourites!\n<html><center><h3>CHOOSE YOUR OWN ADVENTURE</h3></center></html>[[Last Minute|Last Minute]]\nA game made at the last minute about making a game at the last minute. (2012)\n\n[[The Minimalist Game|The Minimalist Game]]\nA port of NOM3RCY’s seminal text adventure to Twine. (2013)\n\n[[Shapeshifter Scourge!|Shapeshifter Scourge]]\nI wrote a Twine tutorial, and this is the game that resulted from following it. The tutorial wasn't published for a variety of reasons. The game itself is a short, silly sci-fi adventure! (2014)\n\n[[Zero Bars|Zero Bars]]\nA short and bleak game made for Train Jam 2014. The theme was 'disconnected.' (2014)\n<html><center><h3>TEXT ADVENTURE</h3></center></html>[[Back to the Future: Marty Quest|Back to the Future: Marty Quest]]\nYou are Marty McFly, 80s teen! You are stuck in a detention room after school. You need to escape the room otherwise you can’t play in your band for tryouts tonight! Inspired by <html><a href="http://btothef.tumblr.com/post/17319973021/pages-13-15">this blog post.</html> (2012)\n\n[[Cheesed Off!|Cheesed off!]]\nThis is a punny game where you solve puzzles with cheese. Placed sixth in the First Quadrennial Ryan Veeder Exposition for Good Interactive Fiction. (2016)\n\n[[Don't Pee Yourself!|Don't Pee Yourself!]]\nThe aim of this game is to pee in the toilet! (2011)\n\n[[Go West|Go West]]\nInspired by the Village People song of the same name. The aim is to go west... OR IS IT?! (2011)\n\n[[Gourmet Gaffe|Gourmet Gaffe]]\nA one room game set in a historically inaccurate France. Inspired by a tweet. (2011)\n\n[[Nudists Gone Wild|Nudists Gone Wild]]\nA short, silly adventure where the player is a nudist trying to make their way to a nudist camp. This was my very first text adventure. I've sure improved since this game, so remember to always keep trying! (2010)\n\n[[The Great Pancake Detectives - Case #27|The Great Pancake Detectives - Case #27]]\nCan you solve the mystery of the disappearing pancakes?! Originally created as an interactive birthday card. (2015)\n<html><center><h3>QUIZ</h3></center></html>[[Who's Angrier?|Who's Angrier?]]\nCan YOU tell the difference between Call of Duty fans and One Direction fans? (2013)

Your phone buzzes in your pocket.\n\nViolence has broken out at the protests.\n\n[[Check phone.|The message]]\n[[Ignore it.|Keep on moving]]\n

Okay! <<if $origami eq 1>>Peter Paper the Perferator as the hero!<<endif>><<if $sloth eq 1>>A sloth as the hero!<<endif>><<if $pacman eq 1>>Pac-Man as the hero!<<endif>> Beetroot as the source of conflict! Mister Blister as the villain!\n\n<html><center><h3>LET'S BEGIN...</h3></html>\n<<set $blister = 1>><<if $origami eq 1>><<display 'paperIntro'>><<endif>><<if $sloth eq 1>><<display 'slothIntro'>><<endif>><<if $pacman eq 1>><<display 'pacmanIntro'>><<endif>>

\n<html><center><h1>WHO'S ANGRIER</h1></center>\n\n<html><center><h2>Call of Duty Fans Or One Direction Fans?</h2></center>\n\n<center><i>Based on an <a href="http://kotaku.com/whos-angrier-call-of-duty-fans-or-one-direction-fans-977199605">article</a> by Patricia Hernandez. Adapted to Twine by Andrew Gray.</i><p></center>\n\n<center>WARNING: Many of the comments that follow are quite nasty (to put it lightly), and may be upsetting to some people.</center></html><<set $points = 0>>\n"What struck me while reading the [British boy band] One Direction crazed messages is how easily one could mistake the messages for those sent to [popular FPS game] Call of Duty's design director. So here's a small game that puts together a number of threats from both fandoms alike. Your job is to guess which message is from which fandom."\n\n[[LET'S BEGIN!|Question 1]]

I munch the burger down. Unfortunately, the other ingredients have already been tainted by the beetroot juice, causing me to rush to the loo and vomit violently. \n\nThe fact that the burger has been sitting out on my desk for a few days may also have been a contributing factor.\n\nWait... vomit as a super power... brilliant!\n\nSadly, it appears I’m going to be spending the next hour with my head hovering over the toilet, causing me to miss the competition deadline.\n\nIt makes me make a sad face. Like this:\n\n:(\n\n[[Undo! UNDO!|D2A]]

You drink the water. As far as water goes, it was certainly water. You feel better.\n\n[[Talk to the man next to you.|Belch]]\n<<if $left eq 0>>[[Move around.|Moving left]]<<endif>>

[[Gavin licked his gentials.|G4A]]\n[[Gavin took a swipe with his claws.|G5A]]\n[[Gavin had a little lie down.|G6A]]

You begin to introduce yourself, only to vomit a little as you do so. It does not make a good first impression, and they quickly walk away.\n\n234 protestors have been jailed.\n\n<<if $left eq 1>><<display 'My friends'>><<endif>><<if $left eq 0>><<display 'Moving left'>><<endif>>

[[Gavin licked his gentials.|G4B]]\n[[Gavin took a swipe with his claws.|G5B]]\n[[Gavin had a little lie down.|G6B]]

<<if $drinks_up eq "no">>The bartender is a blob-like creature with three stalks protruding from the top of... what you believe to be its head, and a single, bulbous eye sits atop each.\n\n[[Ignore the bartender.|Restaurant]]\n<<if $looked_at_keypad eq "yes">>[[Ask bartender about the keypad.|Code]]<<endif>>\n<<else>><<display 'Drinks'>><<endif>>

<<silently>>\n<<set $looked_at_keypad = "yes">>\n<<endsilently>>You look at the keypad, which consists of four different coloured buttons. Unfortunately, you can't quite remember what the correct sequence is.\n\n[[Press the red button.|WRONG!]]\n[[Press the green button.|Correct one!]]\n[[Press the blue button.|WRONG!]]\n[[Press the yellow button.|WRONG!]]\n\n[[Leave the keypad alone.|Restaurant]]

The keypad giggles merrily.\n\n[[Press the red button.|WRONG!]]\n[[Press the green button.|WRONG!]]\n[[Press the blue button.|Correct two!]]\n[[Press the yellow button.|WRONG!]]

You attempt to flee the men, stumbling through the obstacle course that your own feet have become.\n\nFortunately, another altercation attracts their attention.\n\nTwo protestors die after being hit with live ammunition.\n\n<<if $right eq 1>><<display 'My friends'>><<endif>><<if $right eq 0>><<display 'Right'>><<endif>>

Time to think of a conflict! Maybe eating a snack will help me come up with ideas.\n\nHm, on my desk there's a slightly nibbled "Aussie Burger" which consists of a beef patty, tomato, lettuce, onion, cheese, bacon, egg, tomato sauce (or “ketchup”) and BEETROOT, EW, NASTY.\n\nMy reaction to the latter ingredient may have hinted that it's the reason the burger is only slightly nibbled. I somehow managed to forget beetroot is in this particular variety of burger when I purchased it, and oh my goodness is it ever disgusting.\n\nNow, I don't mean to offend any beetroot fans out there, but they're all scum. How can any good person enjoy something that tastes like dirt!\n\n[[Take the beetroot out.|D2A]]\n\n

Your quarters are almost embarrassingly sparse. A small [[lamp|Lamp]] sits atop a desk next to your [[bed|Bed]], though it's certainly not needed at the moment thanks to the gigantic [[window|Window]].\n\nThen, of course, is your [[research console|Consoling]], waiting patiently in a corner of the room.\n

CORRECT!<<set $points = $points + 1>>\n\n1D FACT: If the world ended in 10 seconds what would you do? Niall says he'd fart.\n\n[[Next quote!|Question 9]]\n

INCORRECT! It was a One Direction fan!\n\n1D FACT: If the world ended in 10 seconds what would you do? Niall says he'd fart.\n\n[[Next quote!|Question 9]]\n

Ever since the dawn of man (and woman), we have gazed into the night sky and asked ourselves impossible questions: Who are we? Why are we here? Is Orion naked? Exactly how buff is he? Does he shave "downtown?" Is he even of age? Does it really matter? But none of these questions are as boring as "Is there a God up there?"\n\nPeter Paper didn't wonder about any of these questions. He was too stricken with guilt. Guilt that he tried to drown with alcohol, but tragically it would seem his guilt could swim.\n\n"So what shall it be, sir?" asked Alloysius K. Sterngrofferstein. He was a respectable middle-aged bartender and the proprietor of this particular establishment known as Ye Olde Horse-Drawn Carriage. As a child, Alloysius only had two interests. Civil War history, and bartending.\n\n"I'll have a Whiskey Seven," replied Peter.\n\n"That beverage is made with Seven-Up. You should know by now that Seven-Up was not invented until 1929, and as such we carry none, since Ye Old Horse-Drawn Carriage is an 1860s themed bar." Peter sighed and ordered the only drink on the menu he could stand, the Gold Rush.\n\nWhile it did not have any actual gold in it, or even fool's gold, the Gold Rush was a very gold beverage. Anyone can make a Gold Rush by simply pouring even quantities of rum and melted butter into a mug and stirring. It was the sort of beverage sober people loved in very small quantities, and drunk people loved in very large quantities.\n\nSuddenly, a huge ruckus could be heard from outside.\n\n[[Peter ignored it and drank another Gold Rush.|PP1]]\n[[Peter went outside to investigate.|PP2]]

[[Peter makes an origami vacuum cleaner.|PP4]]\n[[Peter makes an origami ice pick.|PP5]]\n[[Peter makes an origami egg beater.|PP6]]\n

Peter dramatically burst onto the streets, which were now flooded with panic. It soon became clear that it was due to a sudden lack of food worldwide. Well, a lack of food with the exception of beetroot, but that hardly counts as a food.\n\nBut who made it happen? How did it happen? When did it happen? Where did it happen? Which did it happen?\n\nActually, let's just focus on the first one.\n\n<<if $blister eq 1>><<display 'blist1'>><<endif>><<if $yorke eq 1>><<display 'yorke1'>><<endif>><<if $comfy eq 1>><<display 'comfy1'>><<endif>>

Peter decided to ignore the noise coming from outside and to also ignore his doctor's advice to watch his cholesterol intake.\n\nSee, Peter had tried to drown his guilt with quite a few buttery Gold Rushes. Considerably too many, in fact, and he continued to chug ‘em down. Alloysius advised him to stop after he noticed that Peter had started to sweat butter, but Peter just demanded more.\n\nEventually the chaos from outside broke into the bar, setting it ablaze. Everyone inside managed to safely escape. Well, all except for poor Peter who, by that point, was 98% butter and melted.\n<html><center><h3>THE END</h3></html>\n[[Restart this story!|paperIntro]]\n[[Write a different story!|Last Minute]]

Your friends bump into you. They have been trying to track you down for a while now and are ready to hit the next bar.\n\nAs you move on and walk past the bar's window, you look at the TV inside which is reporting the protests in the Ukraine after the President announced plans to become closer with Moscow as opposed to the European Union.\n\n<<display 'Time to leave'>>

Peter frowned. Once a great origami master, he vowed to never practice the art again after it once led to him burning down an orphanage in a freak accident. But the world needed his skills again.\n\nThe world needed the Perferator again.\n\n"Time to give you a good beating," Peter said casually.\n\nHe took some paper and carefully folded it into an egg beater and whirled it into Mister Blister’s bloated body!\n\n"Ha ha! Feel free to beat me off all you like!" boasted the grotesque creature! The beater became caught in Blister's skin, which slowly enveloped it, along with Peter! He was quicily entirely swallowed by the fleshy mound, and drowns in the pus bubbling inside. \n\nWhat a rotten way to die!\n<html><center><h3>THE END</h3></html>\n[[Restart this story!|paperIntro]]\n[[Write a different story!|Last Minute]]

Peter frowned. Once a great origami master, he vowed to never practice the art again after it once led to him burning down an orphanage in a freak accident. But the world needed his skills again.\n\nThe world needed the Perferator again.\n\n"Mind if I... pick your brains?" Peter asked casually.\n\nHe took some paper and carefully folded it into an ice pick, and slammed it into Mister Blister! \n\nThe grotesque creature screamed in agony, like this: “Ahhhoohhhaahhhhoohah!”\n\nPeter pulled out the pick, causing pus to violently erupt from the wound, showering the surrounding buildings in what was a rather revolting display! As the pus emptied from his body, Mister Blister slowly deflated until he was nothing more than a disgusting pile of flesh lying in the middle of the street!\n\nThe nightmare was over. The Perferator had saved the world. Finally, Peter Paper could stop feeling guilty. He could finally move on.\n\nHe never drank another Gold Rush.\n<html><center><h3>THE END</h3></html>\n[[Restart this story!|paperIntro]]\n[[Write a different story!|Last Minute]]

Peter frowned. Once a great origami master, he vowed to never practice the art again after it once led to him burning down an orphanage in a freak accident. But the world needed his skills again.\n\nThe world needed the Perferator again.\n\n"Time to take you to cleaners," Peter said casually.\n\nHe took some paper and carefully folded it into a fully functioning vacuum cleaner and attacked Mister Blister with it! \n\nIt latched onto an open sore and sucked the pus right out of the grotesque critter, it screaming until it deflated into nothing more than a disgusting pile of flesh on the ground!\n\nPeter was courteous enough to vacuum up the rest of the pus that leaked onto the street. He was a cool guy like that.\n\nThe nightmare was over. The Perferator had saved the world. Finally, Peter Paper could stop feeling guilty. He could finally move on.\n\nHe never drank another Gold Rush.\n<html><center><h3>THE END</h3></html>\n[[Restart this story!|paperIntro]]\n[[Write a different story!|Last Minute]]

Suddenly, every person towards the end of street fell to the ground and into a slumber, a smile dotted on each of their faces. A life form that appeared to be made out of a mysterious gas floated past the nappers and approached Peter.\n\n“Hi there!” it said in a surprisingly friendly tone. “I’m known as the Comfy Cuddler! I see that you’re admiring my work here!”\n\n“You? You did this? Why?” Peter asked in an unsurprisingly unfriendly tone.\n\n"It’s pretty simple, my good fellow!” began the Comfy Cuddler. “I love cuddling! So much so that I want to cuddle everyone... in the entire world! And when is the time when people most want to cuddle?" \n\n"After sex?" responded Peter.\n\n"Yes, but also when there’s something to panic about! So I made beetroot the only food source, causing a worldwide panic and ensuring no one will be stable! That's when I come in to spread my cuddles around the world and make them feel like everything is okay! It's going to be all rather lovely."\n\n"This is madness!" screamed Peter. "With everyone in either a state of complete panic or complete blissfulness, society will collapse!"\n\n"Perhaps, but think of all those warm, fuzzy cuddles!"\n\n"No. No, I will not think of all those warm, fuzzy cuddles. Instead, I am going to destroy you.”\n\n<<display 'PP3B'>>

You jab the button.\n\nMechanical blinds roll up a wall, revealing a window. Light pours into the room, illuminating your quarters on Space Station Phoenix 5.\n\nBeyond the window you can see the same thing you see every morning: the surface of Venus, as seen from its orbit.\n\nThe beautiful view is one of the few things that makes life on this floating collection of metal tolerable. That, and being able to play Space Polo, the sport of Space Royalty.\n\n[[Get out of bed.|Room]]

Alright! Peter Paper the Perferator it is!\n\n<<set $origami = 1>><<display 'conflict'>>

Hm, I don't see anything immediately heroic on my desk. If only there was a mirror! Oh ho!\n\nAlas, all I can see is a stack of seemingly random papers.\n\n[[I should really organise these papers.|D2]]\n[[Hm, perhaps I should make some origami!|D3]]\n[[Go back to the drawing board!|hero]]\n

Yes, nothing conjures up inspiration more than getting organised! Okay, let’s see what we have her... OUCH! \n\nDamn it! I gave myself a paper cut!\n\nCrap, it's bleeding everywhere! Blood is flooding the room! Looks like I need to rush to the emergency room and miss out on the competition.\n\nI'm sure seeing red now!\n\n[[Undo! UNDO!|D1]]

Brilliant idea, especially if I do say so myself! Perhaps making some origami will get creative juices pumping through my veins. \n\nUnfortunately, the last time I made any origami was during my Japanese classes back in primary school. I try to make a little Fukusuke, but my attempts to create one all end with me repeating the first syllable of its name quite frequently. This would be much easier if the paper was appropriately perforated.\n\nWait... perforating perfectly! What an amazing power that would be for a hero! A hero named... the PERFERATOR!\n\n[[Brilliant! I'll do it!|D4]]\n[[Aw, heck no! I can think of something better!|hero]]

Alright, beetroot used for evil purposes it is! \n\n<<display 'villain'>>