Help!

This is my helper golem (updated October 2022). This golem can help you figure out whether I'm the right person to be asking for help, and if so, how to ask in a way that's most likely to get you the help you need! You are not being directed to this robot because I don't care about you, or think you're being a jerk, or because I'm not invested in making sure you're connected with the help you need! The point of this tool is to try to make sure I can spend my time efficiently. By using this golem, you are supporting my boundaries! Thank you!!!!! [[Okay, let's get started. What sort of thing do you need?]]

[[I need help with a law thing->NOTE]] [[I need help with a queer/polyamorous/alt/etc. community thing->It's a queer community thing.]] [[I need help with a protest thing->It's a protest thing.]] [[I want to collaborate on something->I want to collaborate on something.]] [[I want to hire Andy for something->I want to hire Andy for something.]] [[I have a question about the Rêve->Rêve]] [[I am a journalist and I am looking for a quote or interview]] [[I need help with a trans thing]] [[I want to help!]]

I/my friend got [[arrested at a protest]], what do I do? I/my friend needs to change their [[name or gender marker]] on an identity document. I/my friend needs or might need a [[divorce]]. I/my friend is in [[conflict with a roommate or landlord]]. I/my friend has [[another family law question or needs a mediator->I need a consultant.]]. I/my friend wants to do [[agency documents]], like a living will, power of attorney, etc. [[It's another kind of law thing.->It's another kind of law thing]] *Note: There are some kinds of law that you can get a free lawyer for and some kinds of law that you can't. That's just a shitty thing about how the legal system interacts with capitalism. It's not because anyone is trying to screw you.* *In my day job, we have some sliding scale flexibility for work that we find particularly meaningful or personally important to us, but we have to be judicious in our pro bono work because we also have to do enough paid work that we can survive ourselves.*

[[I have a question about the Rêve->Rêve]] [[I'm starting or working on an event and I want advice.]] [[I'm starting or working on an app or website, or a political campaign, and I want advice.]] [[I've been called out or cancelled, or I'm in the middle of a community conflict and I'm freaked out.]] [[I/my friend/my friend's kid is exploring polyamory and wants to talk to someone about it.]]

I'm planning a protest or demonstration and I need [[Legal Observers]] from the National Lawyers Guild. I'm a lawyer, law student, or legal worker and I want to [[get trained]] as a Legal Observer with the National Lawyers Guild. I need a [[Know-Your-Rights]] training for my group or org. I want to get involved! [[What can I do?]] [[Where should I be donating right now?]] I/my friend got [[arrested at a protest]] I'm considering going to a protest/engaging in [[civil disobedience]] and I want to talk through my arrest risk.

This is my favorite! Just a quick question: Do you want to collaborate on something, or do you want me to consult on your project? If you want me to consult on your project, [[go here->I need a consultant.]] If actually you want to make something together, you can email me directly at andy.izenson@gmail.com.

[[I need to hire a lawyer.->It's a law thing.]] [[I need a speaker for a conference/keynote/class.->Speaker]] [[I need a consultant.]]

There are different kinds of lawyers, just like there are different kinds of doctors. It might be that you need help with a kind of law that I don't practice! Try the NLG-NYC Referral Directory for local referrals: https://nlgnyc.org/referal-directory/ For immigration questions, try Unlocal (https://www.unlocal.org) or New Sanctuary (https://www.newsanctuarynyc.org/). If you need a lawyer to represent you in an immigration matter, I recommend Noemi Masliah (https://themasliahfirm.com/index.php/bios/), Ava Benach (http://www.benachcollopy.com/team/ava-c-benach/), or Matt Bray (https://mattbraylaw.com/contact). If the feds are bothering you, you're subpoenaed, or need held advocating for someone on the inside, ask Mo (https://moatlaw.com/). If somebody is stalking, harassing, blackmailing, or revenge porning you, ask Carrie (https://www.cagoldberglaw.com/). If someone is suing you for slander (or threatening to), or you want help suing the cops, or you just want to see some stellar outfits, ask Remy, Elena, and Micah at FemmeLaw (https://femmelaw.com/). LawHelpNY is a directory of FREE legal services: https://www.lawhelpny.org/ (There's one of these for every state.) The New York Legal Assistance Group has a few project with pro bono representation, and they're generally good and helpful people. https://www.nylag.org/ For help with violence of any kind, try the Anti-Violence Project: https://avp.org/ And of course, the trusty comrades at Legal Aid: https://www.legalaidnyc.org/

Heck yeah! I'm excited you're interested in doing this work. Short version: If you can afford to pay a lawyer to do this, go here: https://dianaadamslaw.net/request-a-consultation If you need a free lawyer to do this, go here: https://chosenfamilylawcenter.org/income-and-eligibility We’re always talking about support and protection for family and kinship relationships that the state doesn’t recognize as important. “Support and protection” here don’t mean approval or validation from the state, but rather that the entities, institutions, and individuals that your family interacts with in the world have fewer ways to try to tear you apart. A lot of us exist in a world that communicates to us in a lot of different ways that we don’t matter. Every time we’re in a place that was constructed so that we can’t safely go to the bathroom, every time we’re required to present an ID that doesn’t match who we are, every time we interact with cis standards of what a person should look like or what a family should look like or how we should take care of each other, it’s reinforced a little more. Families that the state values are afforded assumptions about how they’re going to take care of each other. When two people are related by marriage, it is assumed that they will have each other’s backs in case of illness, injury, or incapacitation. When our families look different than that, we aren’t granted that assumption. We aren’t granted the assumption that our family relationships matter. Advance directives are a way of forcing entities, institutions, and individuals to recognize that our family relationships matter — that the ways that we take care of each other are important and meaningful — that we know what we need and what our loved ones need. It’s shitty and unfair that we have to do this extra stuff to make sure that if something happens to us, our families can take care of us, be by our sides, make sure that we’re getting called the right name, make sure that our doctors have all the information they need. That’s why we made this project, so that we could help members of our communities have an easier time accessing this stuff that we shouldn’t have to do, but that we have to do anyway. Still with me? You can read more about what the specific Advance Directives are on the project page of our website, but this is the important thing: We can’t stop the storms that are coming. Things are scary and getting scarier, and the best resource we have is each other. We want to make sure that you have the best tools possible to protect your family, whatever shape it takes. https://chosenfamilylawcenter.org/trans-umbrella-project

Don't worry! We have infrastructure for this and we've got your back. If you were arrested in NYC, all you gotta do is give the NLG-NYC hotline a call at 212-679-6018. If you were arrested somewhere other than NYC, check out our Chapter List and find the chapter closest to you, and get in touch with them: https://www.nlg.org/chapters/ If you're really freaked out about it and would rather talk to someone you know than to a stranger, that's okay. That's a reason to get directly in touch with me. andy.izenson@gmail.com

There are a bunch of resources for this! One of my favorites is the NCTE ID Documents Center. You can filter by state and by ID document and get a walkthrough of each state's procedures for changing your documents. https://transequality.org/documents If you're in New York and you meet the income requirements, you can use the Trans Umbrella Project at my work! Learn more about it and fill out the intake here: https://chosenfamilylawcenter.org/trans-umbrella-project Here are a few more orgs that also do pro bono ID document work: https://transgenderlegal.org/our-work/name-change-project/ https://www.nylag.org/lgbtq-law/

If you're based in New York State and want to hire a divorce attorney, I might be your guy! https://dianaadamslaw.net/request-a-consultation If you're ready not to hire a lawyer yet but just have questions about the process, or about what it's like...that's still my job! Schedule a consultation through the office to get your questions answered! Most importantly: There are people whose job it is to help you through this. You're going to come out the other side of it, I promise. For other resources: FamilyKind (https://familykind.org/) has a lot of low-cost resources for emotional and other support for transitioning families. It's a good place to start if you need someone to talk to. The LGBTQI Family Professionals of New York (https://lgbtqifamilies.org/) is a helpful referral service for queer and trans competent professional support, including mental health and financia professionals, other lawyers, and mediators. If you don't have the money to hire a divorce lawyer, try the NYLAG Mediation project - call 212.613.5000.

If you're finding yourself in conflict and need a mediator, you have lots of options! If you want to hire a private mediator, that's part of my day job! Try filling out our consult form here: https://dianaadamslaw.net/request-a-consultation I also highly recommen Genesis Fisher (http://www.fisherlawpractice.nyc/) and Teresa Calabrese (http://teresacalabrese.net/), who are both very skilled and lovely colleagues. If you need a free mediator in Brooklyn or Manhattan, try the New York Peace Institute (https://nypeace.org/). They have volunteer mediators that you can get free help from! If you have questions about housing law, my buddy Michael (https://www.pontonelaw.com/) is both experienced and kind and gives free consultations.

Wonderful! The NLG-NYC has a robust and high-energy Legal Observer program and we would be SO HAPPY to send members of our team out to support what you're doing. You can request Legal Observers through the Chapter office by calling our hotline at 212-679-6018 or by using the form on our website: https://nlgnyc.org/request-legal-observer/

We would love for you to join our Legal Observer team! The easiest way to do it is by joining the NLG-NYC chapter (https://nlgnyc.org/join/). Then you'll get notifications about upcoming trainings, including Legal Observer trainings! (Please bear in mind that LO Trainings have been in HIGH demand and have been filling up within a few hours of registration opening, so if it takes you a minute to get onboarded, it's okay. I promise it'll still be the revolution next week.

My favorite Know-Your-Rights materials come from Mutant Legal! https://mutantlegal.info/?p=224 Here are their other extremely good resources: https://mutantlegal.info/?page_id=200 and https://mutantlegal.info/?page_id=206 NLG NYC (https://nlgnyc.org/know-your-rights/) and National (https://www.nlg.org/know-your-rights/) also have great KYR resources. If you need a training for your organization, reach out to your local NLG chapter! (If it's NYC, you might end up with me anyway, but you would go through channels that are easier on our end!)

Woof, this is a hard one. I think the best way to start is to look at where you have access to abundance, because that's the most sustainable place to give from. If you have time, give time. If you have money, give money. If you have emotional support, give emotional support. If you have organizing skills, give organizing skills. Giving from a place of abundance will let you be generous without fucking yourself over, which is how you give sustainably. Looking up (your area)+"mutual aid" can get you to a good starting point. It's usually not necessary to start a new organization or project. Start by doing your research! Who's already doing the stuff you're interested in? Can you jump in with them instead of trying to compete? Remember that coalitions - not hyperindividualization - are how we thrive. What are you good at? What do you like to do? What's needed?

It's never a bad time to donate to a bail fund! I really like the Emergency Release Fund: https://emergencyreleasefund.com/ If you're looking at a bail fund, it's a good idea to check it against the National Bail Fund Network (https://www.communityjusticeexchange.org/nbfn-directory) to make sure it's legit. Third Wave Fund does extremely good and targeted redistribution: https://www.thirdwavefund.org/index.html And of course, support MY work! Chosen Family Law Center: https://chosenfamilylawcenter.org/ NLG-NYC: https://nlgnyc.org/ The Rêve: https://www.patreon.com/thereve

[[Will you help me plan my civil disobedience?]] How do I evaluate my [[arrest risk]] and make strategic choices to manage it? [[I'm trans and worried about what would happen if I got arrested.]]

OKAY HOLD UP Let's talk about money for a sec. Some lawyers work for firms, and their paycheck comes from their clients. Some lawyers work for organizations, and their paycheck comes from grants and donations. Those lawers are called "pro bono" lawyers. Hiring a private lawyer usually costs a buttload of money. When you hire a lawyer, you are paying them to give you advice - so when you ask a lawyer to give you advice, you're asking them to do their job! It's really helpful when you ask for help on law stuff to go into it with an understanding of whether you can pay or whether you need free help, because that's going to affect who is the right person to help you. One of the first questions I always ask people when they're coming to me for help finding a lawyer is "Do you want to pay a lawyer or do you need free help?" It's a good idea to know, going into asking for help, which of those things is true for you. Thank you for your attention. Please [[continue->One more thing!.]].

Cool! You're in the right place - this is one of the things I do at my Day Job. Email contact@dianaadamslaw.net or fill out the consult request form here: https://dianaadamslaw.net/request-a-consultation *You are looking to hire a trained professional to do their job for you. Please do not circumvent this by just messaging me on facebook and asking to pick my brain!* *It's not that cash is the only way to compensate me for helping you with your project. It's just that cash is the most common way that we assign value to things in the society that we live in. I'm happy to discuss non-cash compensation for my work and would be excited to receive your proposals.*

First, please make sure that it's me you want to hire! There are a lot of things you could be asking me to speak about that other people might be better qualified for. Think about your other options, and how you're evaluating their qualifications. *Before you pay a white person to give a talk about restorative or transformative justice, CONSIDER THIS: Pay a Black person!* *Before you pay a transmasculine person to give a talk about trans issues, CONSIDER THIS: Pay a trans woman!* If after these considerations you'd still like to speak to me about a gig, you can email andy.izenson@gmail.com. Class list is here: https://medium.com/@AndyEyeballs/class-list-9c0823527a99 For risqué class offerings, send an email with the subject line "I AM THE NIGHT."

The law is different in different states, and I only know about the law in New York. If you need help with a law thing in a state other than New York, then what you're looking for is a referral! If that's you, click [[here->Out-of-state referrals]] If not, [[continue!->It's a law thing.]]

If you're looking for a referral, here are a couple of things you can try. These are the things that I would do if you asked me for a referral and I couldn't think of one off the top of my head. For matters having to do with protests, mass defense, political stuff, look for your local National Lawyers Guild chapter and reach out to them for information. If you don't have a local chapter or can't find it, try the national chapter, which is here: https://www.nlg.org/ The national chapter also has a referral directory, where you can look for practitioners in your area: https://www.nlg.org/referral-directory/ For LGBTQ family law stuff, I use the directory of the Family Law Institute. Most states have a couple of attorneys in the directory, and these are all people who have been vetted and who definitely know their stuff: https://lgbtbar.org/programs/member-practice-area-groups/family-law-institute/family-law-attorney-directory/ If you're looking for a legal or other professional that won't be freaked out by whatever you've got going on, you can try the Kink-Aware Professionals directory: https://www.kapprofessionals.org/business-directory-2/ (Bear in mind: the list is un-vetted, but at the very least everyone on it has expressed that they have an interest in serving clients with alternative lifestyles.) If you need pro bono (free) help, you can try the LawHelp.org page for your area, which lists local free legal organizations. Most of them have income eligibility of some kind. If none of these work, I usually just start googling around, seeing if your local LGBT Center has a legal resources page or if you have a local advocacy org. If none of this works, you can put in an inquiry at www.dianaadamslaw.net (for referrals for paid counsel) or www.chosenfamilylawcenter.org (for referrals for pro bono counsel) and we'll see what we can do.

Before going in the streets, it's really important to think about what level of arrest risk you can you tolerate. What are the potential consequences for you, vs. for someone else? To what extent would an arrest and its consequences knock out your ability to be a long-term participant in the work, whether because of legal consequences or because it would be seriously medically or psychologically damaging? A lot of protest culture valorizes risking arrest, as if it's the pinnacle of commitment to the fight. And it's true that sometimes what is called for is a willingness to put one's body on the line. But I think it's also tied up in the way that our culture trains us to be very excited about short-term crisis response and much less excited about the less newsworthy long-term slog and behind-the-scenes work. I always encourage people when they're trying to be strategic about their participation to try to disentangle "where can the energy and skills and privileges that I have be most effectively applied?" from the (legitimate) need to express the feelings of urgency that come from such a high stakes situation. At the end of the day, 100% of the aesthetic of resistance is tied up in being in the streets and shouting at the cops, and only a fraction of the actual stuff that needs to be done is. If you decide to go out in the streets, it always carries an inherent non-zero arrest risk. The more subject to marginalization the body in which you move through the world, the higher your inherent risk. The only way to make absolutely sure you won't get arrested is to smash the carceral state. Failing that, there are steps you can take to manage your arrest risk, but the only one who can decide what level of risk you can tolerate is you. Whatever you do, you won't be by yourself. Go with a buddy, and make plans with that buddy so that you know your safety plans are compatible. Don't be macho. Fights are won and lost on the strength of our care for each other.

No.

[[I also want to live the queer homosteading dream! Tell me everything!]] [[Can I come visit the Rêve?]] [[How do I get more involved?]]

I get this ask a lot. While I love to help with this sort of thing, and I do have some availability for it, I want to work efficiently. The best way to get my help with this is to set it up in a way that allows me to give advice to multiple people at once: for example, putting together a webinar, inviting me to guest on a podcast or show, or writing an article. When you have figured out what you want to do together, drop me a line at andy.izenson@gmail!

Okay here's the deal. 1. Don't panic. This is something a lot of people have experienced before you and a lot of people will experience after you. You don't have to figure it out from scratch. 2. Don't send any mass mails or post anything publicly right away. There's absolutely nothing that can't wait an hour. 3. What's happening in your nervous system right now is that your fight-or-flight response thinks that you're being kicked out of your community, which to your lizard brain, means you're going to starve and die. If you feel like you're going to die, it's not because you're actually in danger. This is why it's not a good idea to make any public posts or send any mass messages right now - your brain and body are on high alert and telling you to do ANYTHING NECESSARY TO MAKE THE DANGER GO AWAY, and this isn't a mindset from which you can be thoughtful and generous. 4. Instead of doing that, start by doing some things that make you feel safe. Reach out to your closest loved ones and ask for connection and reassurance. Do something physical that lets you know you're at home in your body. Let your whole nervous system release the anxiety and remember that you're okay. It's okay to be scared, but you don't have to let that fear dictate what you do next. 5. Try using the BATCJ pod mapping worksheet to identify your pod. These are the people that can help you make a plan. https://batjc.wordpress.com/pods-and-pod-mapping-worksheet/ 6. Try reaching out to professionals who can advise you about how to take steps to repair harm, transform community, and spread healing. I am one such professional, and you can reach out to my work at contact@dianaadamslaw.net! You can also look for others here: https://restorativejustice.nyc/ https://www.nacrj.org/ https://www.therestorativecenter.org/ http://www.elizabethclemants.com/personal-development/ Remember that the narratives around harm and repair that we spend our lives immersed in are directly derived from the logic of the criminal justice system, and that that logic is reverse engineered from the prison industrial complex for the sole purpose of justifying locking up lots and lots of Black and brown people in order to profit off of their labor. One of the primary responsibilities we have in this world is to find all the ways that this poisonous system has embedded itself in our cognition and uproot it. When we don't question the idea that doing something Bad means that you are Bad and deserve to be thrown away, we're uncritically accepting the logical backbends that are taught to us by a system that was constructed for no other reason than to prop up white supremacy and capitalism. TEAR DOWN THE PRISON IN YOUR HEAD. When someone has told you, in one way or another, that you hurt them, your first reflex is going to be defensive. Let that reflex pass without obeying it. Challenge yourself to take the opportunity to learn. It hurts. It's okay that it hurts. It's more important to do your best than to protect yourself from pain no matter what. <3

The best way to learn more about what we're doing and how you can do something like it is to subscribe to our Patreon! If you join at any level, you'll get blog posts, video content, talkbacks, and resource recommendations for queer community building. https://patreon.com/thereve You can watch the webinar we put together on Practical Homosteading here: https://vimeo.com/555504097

Probably! Our socially distanced visitation protocols are up and running all summer. We have a tent you can stay in and a composting toilet that will allow you to spend a few days decompressing and going feral in our woods without going within fewer than six feet of anybody but the frogs. Email visit@thereve.land with what days you'd like to come and you'll receive our guidelines and availability. If it's the off season (you can tell it's the off season if it's too cold to camp!) then your best bet is to follow us on social media or patreon and hang tight til the spring!

-- Follow us on facebook and instagram at @the.reve.olution -- Email us at visit@thereve.land -- Subscribe to our patreon https://patreon.com/thereve -- Leave offerings of chocolate covered peanuts in a little bowl on your windowsill during the full moon and one of us will find you.

Cool! You're looking for a [[consultant.->I need a consultant.]]

I can do polyamory coaching through my job! Email contact@dianaadamslaw.net

[[I am a member of trans community and I need some other kind of support/I am connected with a member of trans community who needs some other kind of support.]] [[I am the parent or partner of someone who recently came out as trans and I need help and resources.]]

Your worry is legit. Being arrested is scary, and the police do not treat trans people well. If you want to hear a firsthand account of being arrested at a protest while trans, you can read what I wrote after a protest arrest in 2016: https://www.nlg.org/extralegal-observations-of-a-protest-arrest/ The rules that the NYPD are supposed to follow require officers to house arrestees according to their self-identification. Shockingly, they usually don't do this. In most cases, they sort protest arrestees visually before transporting them, which means your arresting officer will probably have to make a decision from looking at you about whether to put you in the "men's" area or the "women's" area. *Quick reminder that if you think this is fucked up, the solution is not that the police should have more training about how to be gender-affirming. The solution is that there shouldn't be police.* If you evaluate your arrest risk and determine that your place in the struggle is somewhere other than at a protest, THAT'S OKAY. More about this [[here->arrest risk]]. Before you go to a protest, check out this helpful information security guide! https://ssd.eff.org/en/module/attending-protest If you have more questions about this, you can email me andy.izenson@gmail.com.

[[I need trans-competent mental health support.]] [[I need trans-competent healthcare.]] [[I need help making my insurance cover something.]]

The Ackerman Institute Gender and Family Project has a lot of resources for this: https://www.ackerman.org/gfp/ The most important thing is to let your partner or child know that you love them. When someone tells you that they're trans, they know there's a pretty significant chance that you'll flip out and not want them in your life anymore. If that's not the case (which I bet it's not, since you're here!) then you gotta let them know. A lot of the time when people who aren't trans (the other word for this is "cis!") are trying to understand being trans, they try to put themselves in the shoes of a trans person by thinking “What if I, a woman, wanted to be a man really really badly?” I find it’s often more effective to think about the contrapositive. “What if I, a woman, looked so much like a man that everybody mistook me for one, ever since I was a child, and everyone was always calling me ‘he,’ and a boy’s name, and if I wore the right clothes outside I might get beat up or worse?” All you have to do is trust that just like you know who you are and what you need, your loved ones know who they are and what they need. And just like you can express your truth and your needs to your loved ones as an act of trust, when your loved ones do the same to you, it's an act of trust. Everything else flows from that. [[Hang on, what's this "singular they" thing?!]]

I get a lot of requests for help, and I don't have the ability to respond to all of them myself. If you're interested in being part of the work I do, I would love to skillshare and be able to direct asks around any of this stuff! If you have capacity, energy, and/or skills, and are able to have some asks directed at you, please get in touch! andy.izenson@gmail.com If you want to support my work financially, here's how: Chosen Family Law Center: https://chosenfamilylawcenter.org/ NLG-NYC: https://nlgnyc.org/ The Rêve: https://www.patreon.com/thereve Just straight up send me money: @andy-izenson on venmo or andy.izenson@gmail on paypal!

I really like Manhattan Alternative (https://www.manhattanalternative.com/) - it's a listing of mental health services that you can filter by areas of competence and identity. In a crisis, call Trans Lifeline 877-565-8860 (https://translifeline.org/hotline)

DON'T WE ALL. Most people go to one of the following places: Callen Lorde (https://callen-lorde.org/), APICHA (https://www.apicha.org/request-appointment/), NYU (https://nyulangone.org/locations/plastic-surgery/transgender-surgery-services), and Mount Sinai (https://www.mountsinai.org/locations/center-transgender-medicine-surgery). Speaking as one individual, NYU is the only one of those places that I haven't had an atrociously transphobic experience, but also it's the only place I've never been, so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ At the end of the day, wherever you're getting healthcare, you'll probably be subject to some kind of discrimination and mistreatment, because healthcare spaces exist in the same world as the rest of everything. Wherever you're going, whoever you're working with, be cautious. Go in with a buddy who's not scared to yell at doctors and make sure you have aftercare planned. Most of the time, all you have to do is learn what you have to tell them to get the care you need. Get in, get it, and get out. You can do this.

This is the guy: https://www.ezrayoung.com/ Ezra Young makes insurance companies sit up and beg. I've never seen anybody like him when it comes to wrangling them.

I'm so glad you asked! Let's imagine you're in a restaurant having dinner with your friends, and you suddeny find a cell phone on the floor. You pick the cell phone up and bring it up to the front counter, and what do you say? "Somebody dropped their cell phone! I hope they come back for it. I'll just leave it here for them." You just used the singular they! It's already part of your usual vocabulary - you already know how to do it! All you have to do is bring a little bit more attention to when and how you're using pronouns, and that's a muscle that will get stronger the more you use it. You don't need to mess around with "they is" or any grammatical constructions that feel weird and wrong. Just do it the way you'd do it if someone dropped their phone and you wanted to make sure it got back to them. :)

You can get directly in touch with me at andy.izenson@gmail!