Lifelong Dream

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[align center] {reveal link: 'Grus had a hard time falling asleep, that night.', passage: 'gru01'}

[align center] {reveal link: 'That night, Elster barely slept.', passage: 'fin01'}

Elster had dreamed of becoming a knight all her life. [continue] [after 2s] Ever since she could stand on a stool and reach the counter at her parents' bakery, cheerily greeting customers when mom or dad had to run a quick errand. She would smile as wide as she could, and even a grumpy neighbor would betray a grin for little Miss Pickart. And that would make her smile even wider. [after 3s] Even she had people who she didn't like much in Altenwolk; she had lived there all her life, after all. But even when the grouchiest of guests stepped over the door of Pickart Bakery, she felt like she *had* to see them off with a smile. The mere thought of anyone being in trouble made her feel uneasy. [after 4s] So, when the war broke out, and Mrs. Rossel couldn't bear to keep her tears from falling as she tried to nonchalantly order the usual Rosetta bread, just one piece, though, because her son was never coming back to taste the second...\ Her mother tried to comfort the woman. Elster wasn't sure a smile was enough. [after 5s] The overwhelming need to protect all the people who came around the shop and used to leave happy and satisfied. Holding a sword to protect the peace she held so dear.\ Being a knight meant all that. And she was finally old enough to take [[the first step towards her dream.->el02]] {ambient sound: 'theme'}

[after 1s] As her last year of classes came around and she could finally enlist, she couldn't wait to tell her best friend. Grus, her Gru, they'd been inseparable ever since she came to Altenwolk, eight years before. Probably the most important person in her life, after her parents, maybe. An invaluable part of the city she loved. [after 2s] Elster had dreamed of becoming a knight all her life, and she never failed to remind everyone of the fact. Grus very well knew, indulging her, talking about everything and nothing every night at their usual place: the balcony beyond the residential district.\ So, when they met there that night, and Elster proclaimed gleefully "I finally did it! I signed up for military training! I'm enlisting, Gru!", she expected something else. She pictured Grus smiling, as she always did when she rambled about her ideals. A warm "Congratulations!", as Grus used to say when Elster was *so* proud of her accomplishments, no matter how small or laughable. [after 3s] And when she did exactly none of that and reached for her sleeve, gripping it so tightly, pained expression, head bowed and eyes closed, and she gasped "Don't go!"... Elster didn't know what to do. And a smile probably wasn't enough this time, either.\ But Grus quickly came back to the usual Gru, hiding her momentary weakness behind a clumsy smile, adding "...I'm so used to have you around, it's going to be hard to adjust! I'll miss you, El." As if that could erase the previous seconds from Elster's memory. [after 6s] What was that? [after 7s] Grus brushed it off, and Elster felt like pressing her further was like walking on cracked glass. [after 8s] Elster had dreamed of becoming a knight all her life. But for the first time in her life, now [[she was having second thoughts->Grus POV]].

Grus had a hard time falling asleep, that night. [continue] [after 1s] It had been obvious to her for years, at that point: she was hopelessly in love with Elster Pickart. [after 2s] It started as a small fire: as she found herself all alone in a new place, taken away from a family, a childhood innocence she had lost forever, Elster caught her off guard with her thoughtfulness. That fire slowly grew bigger and hotter, as Elster slowly became part of her routine, and she became part of hers: her kindness, every gesture fueling an eternal flame Grus was sure could not be extinguished anymore. [after 3s] But Elster had grand dreams and a love much bigger than her own for the city, the kingdom she was born in. Grus found her blinding, at times, yet she couldn't stop admiring her.\ She naively thought kind Elster would always be by her side, and that was okay: her love could burn quietly, hidden from sight, and she was happy just being her best friend, her number one confidant. [after 4s] So why didn't she think about it some more? She'd been told she was a smart one, in class, but she *still* conveniently ignored the obvious fact nothing bound her to Elster except a friendship that could just not compare to the call of a war that already deprived her of loved ones. [after 5s] Was she afraid of Elster leaving her and forgetting about her? Was she as selfish as to think she'd always been the most important person to her, if she even *was* now? After all, strong, dependable, kind Elster could surely have anyone or anything she wished for in the world.\ She basked in the comfort of being "her Grus", at times desperately clinging to it, fearing Elster might move on at any point. Just thinking about her leaving made her feel like she was eight again, small and lonely, crying softly all on her own. [after 6s] What if war would change her in ways Grus couldn't predict? What if she'd never get to greet, to talk with, to laugh with the El she held so dear? Or worse, what if she never came back at all? What if she had to see her parents break down, her father burst in tears and her mother wail in grief, painfully holding on to her broken shield as the last memento of hers? [after 7s] She'd been told she was a smart one, so she did as the smart ones do: she envisioned every single scenario she could come up with, each worse than the one before, until she couldn't bear it anymore. [after 10s] [[And then she knew what she had to do.->Finale]]

That night, Elster barely slept. [after 1s] She kept tossing and turning in her bed, trying to erase Grus's awkward smile from her mind, all in vain. She almost didn't wake up in time for the morning after, running to classes as she frantically tried to comb her hair with a hand to make it at least look decent.\ As she sat down with a sigh, she expected Grus to glance at her, snickering, then coming over to gently brush her hair as she used to do to the most unruly kids in the orphanage. [after 2s] But Grus was nowhere to be seen, and that made Elster's heart sink. She managed to catch a few glimpses of her during the day: talking to a teacher, going up and down the streets of Altenwolk. But every time she would've normally called her name, something new, something *unpleasant* came bubbling in her throat and the words went back down and died in her stomach. [[But why?->fin02]]

She didn't see Grus for the rest of the day, and couldn't bear to ask the others about her either. So she went to the usual place that night, half to unwind in a familiar spot and half hoping for Grus to show up and just *talk* to her.\ She briefly pondered about how they hadn't seen each other for 24 hours and that was enough to make her feel like it was a tad harder to breathe. [after 2s] The sky was clear, and the stars timidly shed their light on the usually foggy lands of the kingdom of Himmelheit, the kingdom she was eager to fight for until the day before. Now... she wasn't so sure. She sighed, leaning out from the balcony, elbows resting on the railing and cheeks on her palms. [after 3s] “That's a deep sigh, El.”\ Elster flinched, prompting the newly arrived Grus to laugh, and that unpleasant sensation came back up again, like someone was clutching her heart and making it harder to, well, do anything, really. But at least Grus was smiling again. “Where were you? I couldn't find you anywhere.” Elster lied — she *could* find her, she had seen her on multiple occasions, actually, she just didn't have the guts to reach out. Why was it all so difficult, all of a sudden?\ “About that...” Grus glanced at her side, away from Elster, prompting the latter to gulp.\ [[“I need to tell you something.”->fin03]]

That was enough to set her off. “Wait! *I* need to tell you something!”\ Grus looked at her, puzzled.\ “I... I thought about it. I shouldn't enlist. I'll call it all off tomorrow.”\ This time she had trouble expecting anything: would Grus thank her? Laugh at her, or maybe something else? Elster wasn't good at predicting other people, not even her best friend. [after 2s] “Why?”\ Yeah, why? Because she couldn't bear to see her sad? Or...\ “It's not... it's not right. And... I... I think I wouldn't feel right... either...” [after 4s] But she could've never expected how *angry*, of all things, Grus was as she shouted. “You... Elster Pickart, how dare you! You've been going on and on about protecting Altenwolk and the kingdom, your dream of becoming a knight, and then what?!”\ “I...”\ “It's your lifelong dream, isn't it? You can't just give up on that! How weak is your resolve, giving up after all these years? Are you serious? Have you gone mad or what?! That's not the Elster Pickart I know, that's not like you at all! You dumb moron!!” Grus had never called her names in the eight years they had known each other. [after 6s] [[“Idiot... and here I was to tell you *I* had enlisted...”->fin04]]

“You **WHAT**?” This time, Elster shouted.\ “Do you think I'd let you go all alone on the battlefield, knowing you? Someone has to watch your back.” Now she really couldn't believe it. “But... I don't want you to feel pressured just because of me... what if something happens to you?”\ Grus scoffed, evidently cooled off.\ “Don't even think about it. I'm not that crying child who couldn't push herself on the swing, anymore!” [after 3s] Grus fixed her eyes on Elster's, glittering with determination. The scowl from earlier gave way to a confident grin, the moon shining on the freckles adorning her face like the stars framing it, and Elster just couldn't help herself. [after 4s] [[“Yeah. You got so much more beautiful.”->fin05]]

That was enough to shatter Grus's soft smile, face growing redder, eyes getting wider, and Elster thought oh no, oh no, oh no, she needed to do something, and something she did. “I. I...”\ She grasped for her hands, coming closer. Grus didn't back away. [after 3s] “I think I love you, actually.” [after 5s] Elster couldn't take her eyes off Grus's, but it looked like the other girl was in the same position. Grus didn't reply but gripped her hands tighter, taking deep breaths. Elster started thinking that maybe the normal amount of time she was allowed to look in the eyes of *anyone* was way less than what they had going on, so she decided to move her sight to the dark plains of Himmelheit. “If... if it's a bother, don't worry, you're a precious friend to me still, it doesn't change anyt...” she continued, but something made her stop.\ Grus jumped in her arms, making her lose balance a little, frantically holding onto her and pushing her face on her shoulder, now faintly wet. “It's... it's not a joke, is it?” She asked, faintly, still hiding, still hesitating. Elster still puzzled.\ “Of course it's not! I would never joke about something like that!”\ Grus held her tighter.\ “...I'm so happy...” her voice barely audible. [after 6s] Elster couldn't bear to give those words the meaning she hoped for. But she returned the embrace, gently caressing her childhood friend's back. It was warm and comforting, as it had been for all those years, [[tonight probably more->fin06]].

She tried to look at Grus's face, but she wouldn't let her. “Don't let go.”, she'd say.\ Elster was still far from being a full-fledged knight, but she already knew how to take an order. She didn't want to let go either, after all. “Hold me tighter.”, and Elster would comply.\ Hopefully Grus could forgive her for making her worry if she embraced her long enough. [after 2s] Grus was the one who initiated the hug and Grus was the one who stepped back first, eyes and face still a bit red after crying in the safety of Elster's arms. She held her hand out shyly, hoping Elster would reciprocate.\ And Elster did, rubbing her thumb on the back of her hand, arms brushing, and eyes so full of love Grus thought she could drown in them and it all felt like a dream she was afraid she'd wake up from at any given moment. [after 4s] “This isn't a dream, right?”\ Elster let out an awkward chuckle, “You keep asking that...”\ Grus puffed her cheeks out and replied “I've liked you for a very long time, you know!” Elster wanted to give a snappy remark, but that answer made her so happy she felt her heart jump in her throat. It was all happening so fast, she definitely needed some firm, rational grounding. [after 7s] “So, uhm, Gru... does this mean we are, like, dating?”\ “I mean... if... if you'd like to? Unless you want to focus on swordfighting, or protecting the country, or something...”\ Elster still felt bad about it.\ “Hey, I'm sorry.”\ Grus leaned her head on Elster's shoulder, closing her eyes. Hands still gently intertwined.\ “My fault for falling for such a gallant dork.”\ Elster blushed, at a loss for words.\ “I said I'm sorry... I can still call off-”\ “Geez, did you listen to a single word of what I told you before? We're enlisting together, dummy. I'll watch your back, okay? You don't have to worry about anything.”\ “I just... didn't mean to make you mad...”\ “I'm not mad.” [[She could never stay mad at her El.->fin07]]

Elster rested her head on Grus's and chuckled. “You should like me way less.”\ “Nooo way. I'm too used to it. It's hard to lose the habit.”\ “You're being silly now- wait, since when, exactly?” [after 2s] Grus sighed, eyes still closed as Elster took an inquisitive glance at her side.\ “Hmmm... remember when we met?”\ “At the bakery? Captain Finken just brought you into the city, you were hungry and...”\ “No, no, after that. After she brought me to the orphanage and you found me crying on the swing in the backyard.”\ “O-Oh... that...” [after 3s] Grus held Elster's hand tighter.\ “I barely talked to the other kids. I just missed my mom, my dad, my home... so much. Even Captain Finken had trouble getting words out of my mouth. You barely knew who I was, yet you rushed in as soon as you saw me in tears...”\ “Of course! Who wouldn't do that? You were- you looked so sad!”\ “And you pushed me.”\ “Look, I was eight! You were sitting on a swing, crying, I did the first thing that came to my mind!” [after 5s] “It was cute. It was... thoughtful, in a way.”\ “Th-thank you.” [after 7s] “I just felt so lonely... then you grabbed my hand and led me here. To take a good look at my new home, the one you love so much. I thought my heart was going to burst...”\ Elster blushed furiously, glad Grus couldn't see her face. “That's... that's seriously a long way back...”\ [[“I told you I've liked you for a very long time.”->fin08]]

Elster looked back at Grus, still resting on her shoulder. She took a deep breath and cupped her cheek. [after 2s] “Sorry for making you wait.” [after 4s] [[She leaned down and pressed her lips on hers.->end]]

Thank you for reading. Hope you'll keep an eye on [[what's in store for Elster and Grus->https://crescendo.itch.io]]! **Special thanks** to Edef, my unbiased reviewer, Cri, my number 1 enabler, and to my Chrono Bros, who have been subjected to my Fiamme Eterne ramblings since 2021. Y'all the MVPs. {no ambient sound}