<div class = "Left"><div class = "Clarissa">[[Clarissa, 18->Clarissa]]</div><div class = "Tim">[[Tim, 32->Tim]]</div><div class = "Maya">[[Maya, 10->Maya]]</div><div class = "Assad">[[Assad, 34->Assad]]</div><div class = "Fatima">[[Fatima, 39->Fatima]]</div><div class = "Brandon">[[Brandon, 47->Brandon]]</div><div class = "Matilda">[[Matilda, 53->Matilda]]</div><div class = "Kylie">[[Kylie, 25->Kylie]]</div><div class = "Ajok">[[Ajok, 29->Ajok]]</div><div class = "Eugene">[[Eugene, 21->Eugene]]</div><div class = "Alex">[[Alex, 37->Alex]]</div><div class = "Eric">[[Eric, 14->Eric]]</div></div></div><div class = "Right"><div class = "Alex">(if: $Alex is true)[Unsteady.](else:)[
]</div><div class = "Brandon">(if: $Brandon is true)[Cold.](else:)[
]</div><div class = "Fatima">(if: $Fatima is true)[Needing to pee all the time.](else:)[
]</div><div class = "Assad">(if: $Assad is true)[Nauseous.](else:)[
]</div><div class = "Eugene">(if: $Eugene is true)[Spinning.](else:)[
]</div><div class = "Maya">(if: $Maya is true)[Hot.](else:)[
]</div><div class = "Ajok">(if: $Ajok is true)[Shaky.](else:)[
]</div><div class = "Eric">(if: $Eric is true)[Fast.](else:)[
]</div><div class = "Clarissa">(if: $Clarissa is true)[Wet.](else:)[
]</div><div class = "Matilda">(if: $Matilda is true)[Blank.](else:)[
]</div><div class = "Kylie">(if: $Kylie is true)[Blocked.]</div><div class = "Tim">(if: $Tim is true)[Dry.](else:)[
]</div>
That`'`s what it felt like.
[[Credits]]
[[Resources & References]]
[[End]]
</div><div class = "Clarissa"><div class = "Top">{(set: $Clarissa to true)}Wet.
<u>That’s what it felt like.</u></div><div class = "Body">She was halfway through her introduction when it began. A warm, wet expulsion spread gently across her thighs, soaking the chair in uncomfortable urine. Her legs buckled together and a sharp, sinking sensation echoed through her stomach. Her breathing caught rapidly, consuming her words with it.
After an eternal pause, the professor nodded and gestured for the person on Clarissa’s right to speak. Multitudes of tension eased from Clarissa’s body as she let out a shallow breath. Her hands shook violently as they lay against the tabletop.
Leaning back in her chair, a silent squelch informed her the wet was creeping up her backside. She listened to the professor drone on for the next hour, trying to ignore the slow drops of urine running down the back of her legs. The nightmare was over - for now.
<div class = "Top">[[Return->Start]]</div></div></div><div class = "Tim"><div class = "Top">{(set: $Tim to true)}Dry.
<u>That’s what it felt like.</u></div><div class = "Body">Tim took a gulp of water as he turned to face them.
“Members of th-,” he began, his voice a creaking whisper. He felt like gagging. He cleared his throat as a tickle danced amongst his tonsils.
“Members of the management team, my name is Tim Nguyen, and I am your presenter today,”
The eyes of his colleagues watched on, like burning suns sucking every drop of moisture from his soul.
<div class = "Top">[[Continue->Tim2]]</div></div></div>
<div class = "Maya"><div class = "Top">{(set: $Maya to true)}Hot.
<u>That’s what it felt like.</u></div><div class = "Body">“Maya. What do you think?”
Half the class turned their heads towards her. That tended to happen with ten-year-olds. Maya’s cheeks turned a delicate pink as she squirmed in her seat.
“I don’t know, miss,” she whispered. She glanced at her notebook where the sum in question was neatly solved with full working showing. Her face reddened even more.
“Well, have a go, then,” the teacher ordered, focusing her gaze upon Maya. The heat from Maya’s face began to intensify as the blush crept down her neck. She moved her hands to cover it.
<div class = "Top">[[Continue->Maya2]]</div></div></div>
<div class = "Eric"><div class = "Top">{(set: $Eric to true)}Fast.
<u>That’s what it felt like.</u></div><div class = "Body">Everything was going fast. A moment before, there’d been 12 people before him, now there was five. His paragraph drew closer and closer, closer. His heart sprinting, his breath shallow and short. It took everything he had to stop himself bolting from the room.
The thoughts in his head were fast, too. What if he read the wrong lines? What if he messed up a word? What if he needed to cough during the middle of it? What if his voice was too loud, or too quiet? What if he sounded scared? What if they laughed at his nerves? What if they all knew how anxious he was? Thousands more raced through Eric’s brain at triple-speed. Two more to go.
His heart doubled its speed as the next person began to read, and his breathing matched it instantly. His legs bounced around at hyperspeed as he rapidly wrung his hands together.
As his deskmate began to read, Eric’s heart pounded in his ears. He didn’t have time to prepare. He wasn’t ready. Silence.
He took off at a breathtaking pace, incomprehensibly slurring words together as he stumbled through. Finishing his paragraph in record time, he sat silently in his chair as the class continued to read, panting as if he’d just run a marathon.
<div class = "Top">[[Return->Start]]</div></div></div><div class = "Brandon"><div class = "Top">{(set: $Brandon to true)}Cold.
<u>That’s what it felt like.</u></div><div class = "Body">Brandon looked towards the kitchen, the kettle. His goal. An eleven second walk past 23 open-air cubicles. And, people. All those people. Staring. Judging. Watching.
He hadn’t even risen yet, and sweat was already dripping down his calves. He wiped his forehead. Was it time to get a coffee yet? What if he walked past some people doing work, and disturbed them? What if the kettle was still broken? He’d have to walk all the way back with his empty mug, and look like a loser. Everyone would think he didn’t know how to use the kettle.
But he had to go now. He had that meeting at 12, and couldn’t get one later because the kitchen was used for the youth group in the afternoons. It would have to be now. Brandon sighed, discreetly wiping his hands on his trouser legs.
He pushed his chair back, and stood up.
<div class = "Top">[[Continue->Brandon2]]</div></div></div>
<div class = "Matilda"><div class = "Top">{(set: $Matilda to true)}Blank.
<u>That’s what it felt like.</u></div><div class = "Body">A double peppermint latte with soy. A double peppermint latte with soy.
Matilda repeated her order in her mind, over and over again. She wasn’t going to mess up this time. A double peppermint latte with soy.
There were two cashiers today, an older man and a young girl. Matilda hoped for the girl. A double peppermint latte with soy. Sometimes it was easier with women.
She shuffled forward a few paces in the line. She could see the sign for specials now. Something about a brandy cheesecake, and an apple pie thickshake. Disgusting. A double peppermint latte with soy.
<div class = "Top">[[Continue->Matilda2]]</div></div></div><div class = "Kylie"><div class = "Top">{(set: $Kylie to true)}Blocked.
<u>That’s what it felt like.</u></div><div class = "Body">I sit there on the toilet, unable to pee. I’ve drank two glasses of soda and a bottle of water since we arrived. I desperately needed to go. That’s why I came in here. But now I’m here, I...can’t.
All the cubicles are full. There’s a small line of people outside. Everyone is listening. I can hear feet shuffling on tiles. I can hear rolls of toilet paper spinning on their holders. I know it shouldn't bother me, but I can't shake it. Nothing is coming out.
I breathe evenly. In, and out. In, and out. No dice. People will be wondering why I'm taken so long. Why they haven't heard any sounds from this cubicle yet. The lack of urine and the increase of time is only contributing to my panic.
I pull up my pants and flush the toilet without making a single drop.The weight of my bladder and my shame hang heavy over me as I move back through the carnival again.
<div class = "Top">[[Return->Start]]</div></div></div><div class = "Fatima"><div class = "Top">{(set: $Fatima to true)}Needing to pee all the time.
<u>That’s what it feels like.</u></div><div class = "Body">Fatima locks the door, again. She can breathe easier now she’s safely inside the cubicle, away from the hoards of shoppers outside. She sits on the toilet and catches her breath. Second time in an hour. Despite the urgency of the dash to the toilet, there is little business being done here. Fatima sighs. She reminds herself that she went before leaving the house, too. Fatima exits the toilet, breathing deeply as she moves towards the supermarket.
As she makes her way through the aisles, a flutter of anxiety skips through Fatima’s stomach, doing a few 360 spins. It settles atop her bladder and begins to dance. A force of panic floods her body, and subconsciously she begins to plan her exit. She reminds herself of the previous trip to the loo less than ten minutes ago, and returns her focus to finding the eggs. The anxiety fades to background noise, spiking every few minutes as Fatima continues to shop.
<div class = "Top">[[Continue->Fatima2]]</div></div></div>
<div class = "Ajok"><div class = "Top">{(set: $Ajok to true)}Shaky.
<u>That’s what it felt like.</u></div><div class = "Body">The drink sat in front of her, full. Her mind raced. She knew she would start shaking if she went to take a sip. The humiliation if he noticed would be devastating. She took a breath to steady herself and went for it.
Her arm jerked violently as she reached for the drink, and Malin gave her an odd stare.
“Sorry,” Ajok muttered. “I’m just nervous,”
He continued to watch her as she made feeble attempts to grasp the drink, the shaking intensifying by the second. After multiple misses, she managed to wrap her fingers around the glass. Her shuddering arm continued to convulse in anxiety, and her drink sloshed about. She placed it quickly down on the bar, as they were called to their table.
<div class = "Top">[[Continue->Ajok2]]</div></div></div>
<div class = "Eugene"><div class = "Top">{(set: $Eugene to true)}Spinning.
<u>That’s what it felt like.</u></div><div class = "Body">He hovered his finger over the button, urging himself to press it. Every time he tried, his finger would jerk back and his vision would spin. He worried what the person on the other end would think. He worried about whether he’d piss them off, or be an inconvenience. Jolts of panic raced through his bones as he tried to straighten his vision. He needed to do this. He needed to do it now. His body rocked back and forth as he pressed the button with a trembling finger.
The world became a blur as the phone rang, over and over. Small silver sparks formed at the edges of Eugene’s vision as he gripped the bench to stay upright.
“Hello, Main Road Medical, how can I help you?”
As if some other part of his body was responding, Eugene answered.
“Hello, this is Eugene, I’m calling about my appointment tomorrow,”
<div class = "Top">[[Return->Start]]</div></div></div><div class = "Alex"><div class = "Top">{(set: $Alex to true)}Unsteady.
<u>That’s what it felt like.</u></div><div class = "Body">Disaster. His voice quavered mid-sentence, and he stuttered to a halt. His heart sank. It was over now.
“Sorry, I’m a bit nervous,” Alex acknowledged, collecting himself. The man across the table stared at him with a bored expression and nodded. “Continue when ready,”
Alex nodded back. “Yes,” he said. Exhaling deeply with anxiety eating away at his insides, he began to answer the question again. Last time was a fluke. This time, he was prepared.
His voice wobbled weakly through the room for 30 seconds, magnified by the silence. The interviewer threw a judgmental look toward him, as he drowned in panic. His voice steadied momentarily, before descending into quivering chaos. Alex's insides shrivelled with shame and anger, disgusted with himself for being so pathetic.
"Thank you for your time," he squeaked, and quickly strode from the room. Once safely in his car, he lay his head in his hands and sighed. Another one blown.
<div class = "Top">[[Return->Start]]</div></div></div><div class = "Assad"><div class = "Top">{(set: $Assad to true)}Nauseous.
<u>That’s what it felt like.</u></div><div class = "Body">It began in the break room with Ali. Assad had just finished eating, and was killing time before returning to his desk for an afternoon of incident reports. The main door opened, and their boss Raouf entered. Assad’s stomach dropped.
Raouf approaches their table, and motions to the empty seat. Ali gestured for him to sit down, and asks about his weekend. The recently digested stir fry began to rock and tumble in Assad’s stomach. There were so many people in the break room. Assad knew they were all watching him sit there, and thinking how absolutely pathetic he was in comparison to Raouf and Ali.
Raouf asked him a few questions about the soccer, insistent on getting something of a conversation from him. Assad gave short, one-word answers in response while he battled his belly. He’d never felt so inadequate in his life. Suddenly, he felt a lurch from within his stomach. His mouth instantly filled with bile. Swallowing quickly, he nodded to them both and stood up.
Once outside, he dashed for the toilets and made it into a cubicle. Shivering, he hunched over the bowl until his nausea subsided, hating himself for the fool he had become.
<div class = "Top">[[Return->Start]]</div></div></div><div class = "Top">Design: Jessica Gates
Writing: Jessica Gates
Background Music: shortiefoeva2, via Freesound.
[[Return->Start]]</div>Social anxiety disorder is characterised by extreme anxiety around: social situations (Headspace, 2018; Reach Out, 2018); interacting with other people (Richards, 2018); performing in front of others (Beyond Blue, 2018); or being judged or criticised by others (Headspace, 2018; Beyond Blue, 2018; Richards, 2018; Jacobs & Antony, n.d.).
A person with social anxiety may fear being laughed at by others, or fear experiencing humiliation or embarrassment in social situations(Beyond Blue, 2018; Richards, 2018). This may occur leading up to, during or after social situations (Jacobs & Antony, n.d.)
Each of these stories explores a snippet of life for a person living with social anxiety disorder. People with social anxiety disorder may experience some, all or none of the symptoms in these stories.
Please note: stories contain descriptions of people experiencing social anxiety symptoms in different social situations.
If you think you are experiencing social anxiety disorder, there are people and treatments which may help you. Please click [[here->Resources & References]] to access links and further information about supports and professional help for social anxiety.
<div class = "Top">When you are ready, click [[here->Start]] to enter.</div>
<div class = "Fatima"><div class = "Top">Needing to pee all the time.
<u>That's what it felt like.</u></div><div class = "Body">There are only two checkouts operating, and both have a line growing. Fatima joins the shorter one, her anxiety rising. She can feel the eyes of the other customers falling on her as she waits, the need to pee growing by the minute.
After a few minutes, a man stands behind her in the line. She’s trapped now, in the spotlight, visible by everyone.The urges grow stronger as Fatima continues to wait. She shifts discreetly from one leg to the other and presses her knees together, praying for her bladder to hold out. The couple at the next line give her a strange glance, and her self-consciousness skyrockets. She’s not sure if she can hold on much longer now.
As the woman at the counter calls for a price check, Fatima knows she’s done for. Abandoning her trolley, she hustles out the sliding doors and back into the toilet cubicle. Once seated again, shame floods her body as barely a trickle escapes below.
<div class = "Top">[[Return->Start]]</div></div></div>
<div class = "Tim"><div class = "Top">Dry.
<u>That’s what it felt like.</u></div><div class = "Body">Tim raised the glass of water to his lips and drained it. As if coated in sandpaper, his mouth barely acknowledged the water as it coasted past.
As Tim continued his proposal, he felt a sudden heave in his throat. An ugly, vile mixture rocketed into his mouth, pressing against his dry lips before vanishing momentarily.
Panicked, Tim lunged for the wastepaper basket beneath the desk and knelt over it, heaving and coughing to no avail. Distantly, he heard the executive instructing his colleagues to leave, and footsteps shuffling out of the room. The door closed with a thud as Tim sat on the floor out of breath, cuddled intimately with a wastepaper basket.</div>
<div class = "Top">[[Return->Start]]</div></div></div><div class = "Maya"><div class = "Top">Hot.
<u>That’s what it felt like.</u></div><div class = "Body">The boys to her left noticed. “Maya’s blushing!” they sang, over and over.
Maya desperately willed the blushing to cease. To her horror, she felt the heat radiate through her hand as the blush grew stronger.
Facing the board again, she saw nothing but fog through her glasses. Her heart pounded out of her chest.
“Well?” the teacher stared intently at Maya, who hurriedly shook her head in response.
The teacher sighed and selected another student to respond. Maya stared at her notebook through fogged glasses, waiting patiently for the blush to dissipate.
<div class = "Top">[[Return->Start]]</div></div></div>Resources & References (clicking these will remove you from this game)
<div class = "Refs">Lifeline 13 11 14
<a href="https://www.lifeline.org.au/">https://www.lifeline.org.au/</a></div><div class = "Links">`***`[[Return to Home->Intro]]`***`
`***`[[Return to Main->Start]]`***`</div>
Beyond Blue, 2018, Social Phobia, accessed February 26 2018, from: <a href = "https://www.beyondblue.org.au/the-facts/anxiety/types-of-anxiety/social-phobia">https://www.beyondblue.org.au/the-facts/anxiety/types-of-anxiety/social-phobia</a>
Headspace, 2018, Understanding Anxiety for Young People, accessed February 26 2018, from: <a href="https://headspace.org.au/young-people/understanding-anxiety-for-young-people/">https://headspace.org.au/young-people/understanding-anxiety-for-young-people/</a>
Jacobs, A. M. & Antony, M. M., 2018, Social Anxiety Disorder and Social Phobia, accessed February 26 2018, from: <a href="http://www.socialanxietysupport.com/disorder/">http://www.socialanxietysupport.com/disorder/</a>
Reach Out, 2018, Social Anxiety Disorder, accessed February 26 2018, from: <a href="https://au.reachout.com/articles/social-anxiety-disorder">https://au.reachout.com/articles/social-anxiety-disorder</a>
Richards, T. A., 2018, What is Social Anxiety?, accessed February 26 2018, from: <a href="https://socialanxietyinstitute.org/what-is-social-anxiety">https://socialanxietyinstitute.org/what-is-social-anxiety</a>
Social Anxiety Forum, various, Social Anxiety Forum, accessed 2018, from: <a href="http://www.socialanxietysupport.com/forum/">http://www.socialanxietysupport.com/forum/</a><div class = "Top">The End.
Thank you for experiencing what it felt like.</div><div class = "Brandon"><div class = "Top">Cold.
<u>That's what it felt like.</u></div>
<div class = "Body">Feeling the sweat on his back stick to his shirt brought instant panic. What if they could see it? Grasping his coffee cup by the handle, he moved down the walkway.
He saw two colleagues standing in the walkway, chatting to a third at his desk. Brandoms stomach rolled over. This was bad. What if they were new colleagues? What if they wanted to shake his hand? What if they noticed how sweaty he was?
With each step, he felt more and more sweat run down his body. Beads of sweat gathered on his forehead, pausing momentarily before gushing down his face. Clenching his arms tightly to his sides, he averted his gaze from his colleagues as he heard laughter roar from them. He was sure they were laughing at him.
Safely inside the kitchen, he breathed a sigh of relief as the cold sweat drenched his skin.
<div class = "Top">[[Return->Start]]</div></div></div><div class = "Matilda"><div class = "Top">Blank.
<u>That's what it felt like.</u></div><div class = "Body">Matilda moved forward again. She was next in line. Her eyes flicked between the two tills, watching their transactions. A double peppermint latte with soy.
“Next, thanks,”
The girl waved from the counter. Matilda approached gently. A double peppermint latte with soy.
“How can I help you today?”
Matilda opened her mouth to respond.
<div class = "Top">[[Continue->Matilda3]]</div></div></div>
<div class = "Matilda"><div class = "Top">Blank.
<u>That's what it felt like.</u></div><div class = "Body">Nothing. Nothing. Matilda searched through her mind over and over, desperately searching for what she wanted to order. Nothing. Nothing. Nothing. She was left staring at a blank page with no lifelines.
“Hello? Can I help you?”
Shaking, Matilda pointed to the picture on the display board.
“Oh, the cappucino? No worries!”
The girl ducked away to make the coffee, before returning with a cheery “Here you go!”
Taking her coffee, Matilda walked outside and sat down on a bench. She let out a long, slow breath, tears falling from her eyes. As her body relaxed, her mind returned and she threw her coffee in the bin.
<div class = "Top">[[A double peppermint latte with soy.->Start]]</div></div></div>
<div class = "Ajok"><div class = "Top">Shaky.
<u>That's what it felt like.</u></div><div class = "Body">They made their way over and sat down. Ajok examined the menu, unable to read any of the items as it shook under her unsteady hand.
Bluffing, she placed the menu down and told Malin she’d have the burger. He decided on the fish.
“Delicious!” he proclaimed, when the significantly large portions of food arrived. She merely nodded, flabbergasted at the amount of food in front of her. She reached to grab a chip, and watched her fingers twitch. Her shaky hands then grasped the burger and took a bite, cringing as she felt her arms flail wildly in the air.
Placing the burger back on her plate, Ajok clasped her hands tightly to hide the shaking until it subsided. To her dismay tremors ran down her arms jostling the table. Embarrassed, she placed her hands in her lap as her upper body continued to quiver. This was not how the date was meant to go.
<div class = "Top">[[Return->Start]]</div></div></div>{<script>var audio = new Audio("411080__shortiefoeva2__peaceful-hip-hop.mp3");
audio.play();
audio.loop = true;</script>}<div class = "Top"><div class = "Title">
That's What It Felt Like.</div><div class = "LittleTitle">
Stories about social anxiety symptoms.</div>
Fullscreen recommended.
[[Begin->Intro]]
</div>