shark in the water

#don't rock the boat ##by elliot degrassi ###cover art by ravi teixeira [[start|first]] [[disclaimer/content warnings|disclaimer]]

##Select your position: =|= ###{(link:"One.")[(show:?One)(show:?Numberone)] |Numberone)[One.]} =|= |One)[Name: Christine Adams Age: 19 Height: 5’11 Likes: Hates: **[[Select.|Onestart]]**] |==| =|= ###{(link:"Two.")[(show:?Two)(show:?Numbertwo)] |Numbertwo)[Two.]} =|= |Two)[Name: Carol Zhou Age: 19 Height: 5’10 Likes: Hates: **[[Select.|Twostart]]**] |==| =|= ###{(link:"Three.")[(show:?Three)(show:?Numberthree)] |Numberthree)[Three.]} =|= |Three)[Name: Heather Wolfe Age: 18 Height: 6’1 Likes: Hates: Men **[[Select.|Threestart]]**] |==| =|= ###{(link:"Four.")[(show:?Four)(show:?Numberfour)] |Numberfour)[Four.]} =|= |Four)[Name: Sofia Barbosa Age: 20 Height: 5’10 Likes: Hates: **[[Select.|Fourstart]]**] |==| =|= ###{(link:"Five.")[(show:?Five)(show:?Numberfive)] |Numberfive)[Five.]} =|= |Five)[Name: Taline Reizis Age: 21 Height: 6’0 Likes: Hates: **[[Select.|Fivestart]]**] |==| =|= ###{(link:"Six.")[(show:?Six)(show:?Numbersix)] |Numbersix)[Six.]} =|= |Six)[Name: Beatrice “Beetie” Silver Age: 18 Height: 5’11 Likes: Hates: **[[Select.|Sixstart]]**] |==| =|= ###{(link:"Seven.")[(show:?Seven)(show:?Numberseven)] |Numberseven)[Seven.]} =|= |Seven)[Name: Elma Lapinski Age: 18 Height: 5’9 Likes: Hates: **[[Select.|Sevenstart]]**] |==| =|= ###{(link:"Eight.")[(show:?Eight)(show:?Numbereight)] |Numbereight)[Eight.]} =|= |Eight)[Name: Hannah Samuels Age: 20 Height: 6’0 Likes: Hates: **[[Select.|Eightstart]]**] |==| =|= ###{(link:"Cox.")[(show:?Cox)(show:?Numbercox)] |Numbercox)[Cox.]} =|= |Cox)[Name: Natalie "Nat" Lyons Age: 20 Height: 5’5 Likes: Hates: **[[Select.|Coxstart]]**] |==|

Eight heads lined up in front of Christine as she held onto her oar. Her legs and abs burned from the back and forth motion as she pushed off with her legs and made broad, sweeping strokes with her arms, eyes focused on the oar in front of her, always trying to stay in sync. It was hard to do so when the other girls wouldn’t stop bickering. About what, she didn’t care, at least not nearly as much as she cared about how Heather’s oar was moving at a completely different tempo from Taline, who herself was slightly out of step with Elma, like one long game of telephone that stretched across the length of the boat. This was going to be a long race. Christine had joined the team at the urging of her mother, who was afraid that too much solo rowing was making her daughter antisocial. Little did her mother know Christine had begun training to scuttle solo across the Atlantic. The whole “teamwork” thing had never been quite her thing, and neither was the competitive aspect, for that matter. Some of the other girls had been so competitive about this race, Christine [[almost|1-2]] dreaded the approx. four hours and ten minutes she’d be spending in the boat with them, listening to them squabble about other teams with unfair advantages.

Carol wished [[the protestors|2-2]] hadn’t come.

For Heather’s whole life, all she ever wanted was to [[win|3-2]].

Sofia knew joining a women’s sport was asking for trouble. Her mother had warned her, before she left for college, not to let anyone find out. She’d begged her, even. It was more than a little patronizing, but given the number of times the family had had to endure bullying, harassment, death threats… Sofia understood where it came from. And she did feel quite lucky, all things considered, to be seen as stealth at this point. But the nagging feeling still persisted in her gut: [[What happens if someone finds out?|4-2]]

It wasn’t Taline’s fault that no one on this team knew how to take [[initiative|5-2]].

Beetie’s mom liked to say that rowing ran in her family’s [[blood|6-2]].

[[Elma //loved// crew.|7-2]]

Hannah was a perpetual early bird. She didn’t mind being the first to the boathouse, setting up her team’s shell and equipment and making sure everything was in place. She enjoyed being reliable like that. It was why she liked rowing eight. As stern pair, she and Nat had to work closely to set the proper pace for the rest of the girls. Go too fast, and everyone gets tired out. Go too slow, and you’re out on the water for longer. It was a careful balancing act, one that Hannah was happy to try and accomplish. Hannah wasn’t quite sure why she was eight on this team. She always rowed somewhere in the middle in high school, three or four or five. She’d figured someone like Beetie would get to row eight, but Coach revealed to her privately that Beetie had turned the spot down. It was a strange dynamic to Hannah, to have a position she didn’t entirely feel as if she deserved. That was why she relied on Nat so much during races. The two had practically developed their own nonverbal language at this point, a series of glances and subtle motions that [[only they could decipher|8-2]]. Quick communication between the two was key to a successful outing - Nat had to keep an eye on the whole team and navigate the course ahead, Hannah had to follow her lead to keep everyone moving in time.

[[Nat had always had an affinity for this river. |2]]

(if: $Christine is 0 and $Carol is 0 and $Heather is 0 and $Sofia is 0 and $Taline is 0 and $Beetie is 0 and $Elma is 0 and $Hannah is 0 and $Nat is 0)[[[the end.|acknowledgments]]](else:)[(size:2.5)[''Select your position:'' ] =|= =|= {''(size:2)+(align:"=><=")+(box:"X")[(link:"One.")[(show:?One)(show:?Numberone)] |Numberone)[One.]]''} =|= (if: $Christine is 0)[|One)[''Name:'' Christine Adams ''Age: ''22 ''Height:'' 5’11 ''Major:'' Information Systems ''Likes:'' Solitaire, Dogs ''Hates:'' Parties, Social Media (text-colour:red)[''Status:'' Deceased] **~~Select~~.**]](else:)[|One)[''Name: ''Christine Adams ''Age:'' 22 ''Height:'' 5’11 ''Major:'' Information Systems ''Likes:'' Solitaire, Dogs ''Hates:'' Parties, Social Media **[[Select.|Onestart]]**]] |==| =|= (if: $Carol is 0)[|Two)[''Name:'' Carol Zhou ''Age:'' 19 ''Height:'' 5’10 ''Major:'' Linguistics, minor in Music ''Likes:'' Trumpet, Shopping ''Hates:'' Swearing, Loneliness (text-colour:green)[''Status:'' Alive] **~~Select.~~**]](else:)[|Two)[''Name:'' Carol Zhou ''Age:'' 19 ''Height:'' 5’10 ''Major:'' Linguistics, minor in Music ''Likes: '' Trumpet, Shopping ''Hates: '' Swearing, Loneliness **[[Select.|Twostart]]**]] =|= {''(size:2)+(align:"=><=")+(box:"X")[(link:"Two.")[(show:?Two)(show:?Numbertwo)] |Numbertwo)[Two.]]''} =|= |==| =|= =|= {''(size:2)+(align:"=><=")+(box:"X")[(link:"Three.")[(show:?Three)(show:?Numberthree)] |Numberthree)[Three.]]''} =|= (if: $Heather is 0)[|Three)[''Name:'' Heather Wolfe ''Age:'' 18 ''Height:'' 6’1 ''Major:'' Psychology ''Likes:'' Astrology, Taylor Swift ''Hates:'' Cold Weather, Men (text-colour:red)[''Status:'' Deceased] **~~Select.~~**]](else:)[|Three)[''Name:'' Heather Wolfe ''Age:'' 18 ''Height:'' 6’1 ''Major:'' Psychology ''Likes:'' Astrology, Taylor Swift ''Hates:'' Cold Weather, Men **[[Select.|Threestart]]**]] |==| =|= (if: $Sofia is 0)[|Four)[**Name:** Sofia Barbosa **Age:** 18 **Height:** 5’10 **Major:** Double major Biomedical Engineering/Creative Writing **Likes:** Swimming, EDM **Hates:** Dating Apps, Christmas (text-colour:green)[''Status:'' Alive] **~~Select.~~**]](else:)[|Four)[**Name:** Sofia Barbosa **Age:** 18 **Height:** 5’10 **Major:** Double major Biomedical Engineering/Creative Writing **Likes:** Swimming, EDM **Hates:** Dating Apps, Christmas **[[Select.|Fourstart]]**]] =|= {''(size:2)+(align:"=><=")+(box:"X")[(link:"Four.")[(show:?Four)(show:?Numberfour)] |Numberfour)[Four.]]''} =|= |==| =|= =|= {''(size:2)+(align:"=><=")+(box:"X")[(link:"Five.")[(show:?Five)(show:?Numberfive)] |Numberfive)[Five.]]''} =|= (if: $Taline is 0)[|Five)[**Name:** Taline Reizis **Age:** 21 **Height:** 6’0 **Major:** Art **Likes:** Soft Sculpture, Judy Chicago **Hates:** (text-colour:red)[''Status:'' Deceased] **~~Select.~~**]](else:)[|Five)[**Name:** Taline Reizis **Age:** 21 **Height:** 6’0 **Major:** Art **Likes:** Soft Sculpture, Judy Chicago **Hates:** Parties, Cowards **[[Select.|Fivestart]]**]] |==| =|= (if: $Beetie is 0)[|Six)[**Name:** Beatrice “Beetie” Silver **Age:** 19 **Height:** 5’11 **Major:** Computer Science **Likes:** Video games, Blockbuster Movies **Hates:** Sports, Expectations (text-colour:red)[''Status:'' Deceased] **~~Select.~~**]](else:)[|Six)[**Name:** Beatrice “Beetie” Silver **Age:** 19 **Height:** 5’11 **Major:** Computer Science **Likes:** Video games, 90’s music **Hates:** Sports, Expectations **[[Select.|Sixstart]]**]] =|= {''(size:2)+(align:"=><=")+(box:"X")[(link:"Six.")[(show:?Six)(show:?Numbersix)] |Numbersix)[Six.]]''} =|= |==| =|= =|= {''(size:2)+(align:"=><=")+(box:"X")[(link:"Seven.")[(show:?Seven)(show:?Numberseven)] |Numberseven)[Seven.]]''} =|= (if: $Elma is 0)[|Seven)[**Name:** Elma Lapinski **Age:** 21 **Height:** 5’9 **Major:** Technical Writing **Likes:** Y/A Novels, Yoga **Hates:** Alcohol, Being Interrupted (text-colour:red)[''Status:'' Deceased] **~~Select.~~**]](else:)[|Seven)[[**Name:** Elma Lapinski **Age:** 21 **Height:** 5’9 **Major:** Technical Writing **Likes:** Y/A Novels, Yoga **Hates:** Alcohol, Being Interrupted **[[Select.|Sevenstart]]**]]] |==| =|= (if: $Hannah is 0)[|Eight)[**Name:** Hannah Samuels **Age:** 20 **Height:** 6’0 **Major:** Materials Science **Likes:** Cartoons, Harry Potter **Hates:** Doomscrolling, Tardiness (text-colour:red)[''Status:'' Deceased] **~~Select.~~**]](else:)[|Eight)[**Name:** Hannah Samuels **Age:** 20 **Height:** 6’0 **Major:** Materials Science **Likes:** Cartoons, Harry Potter **Hates:** Doomscrolling, Tardiness **[[Select.|Eightstart]]**]] =|= {''(size:2)+(align:"=><=")+(box:"X")[(link:"Eight.")[(show:?Eight)(show:?Numbereight)] |Numbereight)[Eight.]]''} =|= |==| =||= =||= {''(size:2)+(align:"=><=")+(box:"X")+(text-rotate-z:180)[(link:"Cox.")[(show:?Cox)(show:?Numbercox)] |Numbercox)[Cox.]]''} =||= (text-rotate-z:180)[(if: $Nat is 0)[|Cox)[**Name:** Nat Lyons **Age:** 20 **Height:** 5’5 **Major:** Computer Science **Likes:** Open-Source Software, Insects **Hates:** Mirrors, Crowded Spaces (text-colour:green)[''Status:'' Alive] **~~Select.~~**]](else:)[|Cox)[**Name:** Nat Lyons **Age:** 20 **Height:** 5’5 **Major:** Computer Science **Likes:** Open-Source Software, Insects **Hates:** Mirrors, Crowded Spaces **[[Select.|Coxstart]]**]]] |==| ]

[[Almost.|1-3]]

She liked being [[One|1-4]], at least.

[[She liked|1-5]] sitting bow. She was one of the closest to the water, and was first to cross the finish line. Not that she could ever see the finish line - but it looked nice in the photos her mom took at the end of every race. Her mom loved it when the team won - she got to say that her daughter was first of the first.

She liked that she was farthest from the gossip train. Information could only be passed forward and backward as they meandered down the river. Anything that made it as far back as to Christine had to be crucial to the race. She could just focus in on the sounds of the boat slipping through the water and tune out the commotion going on ahead. It was her job to ignore it anyway. To be stable. [[The engine room girls|1-6]] could rock and fidget all they wanted, but she had to keep the plastic shell the nine of them would call home for the afternoon from rocking, or worse, tipping. An unskilled bow could land the entire group in the water, putting their lives in danger and, more importantly to the girls in front, disqualifying them from the race.

Christine didn’t understand why they had to be so competitive about it, why girls like Heather and Taline were so obsessed with winning. Obsessed to the point of calling the other teams cheaters, from what it sounded like. Her headache at least distracted her from [[the pain in her arms|1-7]] as she matched rhythm to the girl in front of her.

Christine didn’t notice the [[tentacles|1-8]] sliding their way up the sides of the boat.

Not until the brief moment she was up in the air before being flung [[underwater.|1-9]]

[[The team felt the sudden turbulence, panicked as the sudden shift in weight sent the boat down a fork in the river.|1-10]]

But they never heard her scream. (set: $Christine to 0) [[return|landing]]

disclaimer: i am transgender and this piece is pro-trans rights. some characters are transgender and others are transphobes. their stories are told from their perspectives. this story is for mature audiences. content warnings: transphobia, sexual assault (off-screen) [[back to start|start]]

#don't rock the boat ##by elliot degrassi ###cover art by ravi teixeira acknowledgments thank you as always to tam, love of my life, for listening and critiquing and always making my art stronger. and of course for being the most beautiful and loving and caring girl in the world. thank you to ravi for helping me develop this idea and for drawing the stunning cover art. support his art on most social media @fruityhag thank you to dylan and regina for teaching me so so so much about crew and letting me ask you inane questions about what would happen if someone got pulled off a boat. thank you to jasmine, cori, michaela, meelie, marcel, and the former blaseball groundskeepers for letting me ramble endlessly about this story to you. thank you to everyone who replied to my instagram story saying how excited they were to read this. heavily inspired by tell me i'm worthless by alison rumfitt - one of the most incredible and horrifying books i have ever read. crew fans, please forgive any inaccuracies. i know very little about boats. my links: twitter: @itselliotsk8s music: elliotdegrassi.bandcamp.com bluesky: degrassi.bsky.social you can support transgender athletes in many ways. i recommend starting by donating to athlete ally or trans lifeline if you enjoyed this story and want to see me write more, please consider donating at the "support this story" button on the itch.io page [[restart|start]]

Her therapist in high school had recommended she join a women’s sport. Something about finding an outlet that wasn’t art, about exercise helping with depression, repeated motion with trauma. About finding community. And as a tall woman with no interest in basketball or volleyball, crew seemed like a perfect fit. And for a time, it was. Maybe it still would be, with a different group of girls. But this year’s team was… different. She wasn’t sure what it was, why they were so soft, complacent. This was a sport for strong women. And she wanted so badly to be [[strong|5-3]].

Taline spent her life in avoidance. It was a form of survival for her. She avoided walking to her car alone late at night. She avoided parties, because she’d heard about the drugs men put in women’s drinks. One time, a woman had been pulled over on the side of the road, hood of her car up, baby on board sticker on the back window. She tried waving down Taline’s car hoping for a jump but Taline drove past–human traffickers often staged scenarios like this to lure unsuspecting women in. The world was intrinsically dangerous for women. This was something she knew. The river was the one place she didn’t have to worry about any of that. It was just her and her girls, just her and the water, just her and the power coursing through her veins as she helped shuttle their nine person boat downstream. The river was a place for women to feel strong. Larger boats were often considered female because they guided and protected their crew, but a female crew guided and protected each other. Which is why the invasion of men made her sick to her stomach. She’d heard about it from a friend at Northern U. That they were letting men onto the women’s sports teams. She sat down on the floor of her dorm room and cried when she heard the news. Her one place. The one fucking thing she had. Was nothing sacred? Was there nothing men couldn’t take from her? And the other girls on her team just… didn’t seem to care. Her only ally at this point was Heather, who seemed to understand how much of a threat this was. If they didn’t have the river, what did they have? Heather was the one who convinced her to do the race today. She’d wanted to drop out, to leave the team. Heather had found her crying in the boathouse. She was having a panic attack, she didn’t know what to do, what could happen to her if men were allowed to share the race. Heather dried her tears. Heather told her that they needed to win. Heather told her that they needed to force the men out. Heather told her that they would be [[strong, together|5-4]].

The two of them huddled near the boat and kept wary eyes on the Northern U team, watched them prep their shell, analyzed for traces of facial hair, an adams apple, suspiciously small breasts, anything that would let them narrow down the threat. Taline felt like she was going into (link-reveal:"battle.")[ (link-reveal:"Her oar, her sword.")[ (link-reveal:"Her spandex shirt, her armor.")[ [[And her team, her army. |5-5]]]]]

Heather leaned over. “Should we talk to a ref? I mean it’s fucked up. They can’t let men race against girls.” Taline felt her stomach turn, a sense of dread creeping over her as she realized how dire the situation might be. “Shit, I usually pee before races too. Am I going to have to hold it for four hours?” “Do you need me to come with you?” Heather kept her eyes on the men. “I can stand outside the stall while you go, make sure no one follows.” “I don’t know, I really don’t want to go in there. I’d rather pee in the water.” “Girl there’s not gonna be time to pee in the water. We’re gonna beat them, remember?” Taline considered her options, and decided to just hold it. She’d had UTIs before and she’ll have UTIs again, what’s one more? A part of her wondered if her UTI recovery might make for a good performance piece. Something about cranberry juice being the color of menstrual blood... She’d have to think on it after the race. She added her future UTI to her [[mental list of crimes|5-6]] committed against her by men.

Sofia stood in her place between Taline and Heather, looking nervous. Taline chalked it up to nerves, and to the danger they were all in. “Sof, you want some sunscreen?” Sofia looked like she’d been snapped out of a reverie, and nodded as she turned around, giving Taline access to the back of her neck and shoulders. //This is sisterhood//, Taline thought to herself. [[//They can’t take this away from us.//|5-7]]

The race started with a bang. Taline kept her eyes on Elma, matching tempo, feeling her seat glide smoothly underneath her as she rowed back and forth. She got distracted when the Northern U girls–the Northern U //team// first pulled up next to them, and then began pulling ahead. She watched them out of the corner of her eye. Their strokes were long, powerful, and their eight set them at a much faster pace than Hannah’s. It infuriated Taline, they should be going faster, they should be trying to win. No one knew how to take initiative! No one on this year’s team was willing to showcase the strength she was so desperately trying to grasp! If the team wasn’t willing to help themselves, [[she’d have to do it for all of them|5-8]].

[[She had a crew to guide and protect.|5-9]]

Taline threw herself into the rowing motion, pushing herself to go faster, row harder. Nat, the coxswain, ostensibly their leader, yelled out to follow Hannah’s pace, and it made Taline’s blood boil. “Set the pace faster!” Beetie’s head snapped around, her dark eyes glaring into Taline’s. “Can you shut the fuck up and listen for once?” Taline wished she had a witty comeback to that, but she just stared straight ahead and continued rowing just as hard. “Oh my god, look at you. You’re going to hold the boat hostage because you can’t have your way, is that it?” She //was// holding the boat hostage, in a way–they couldn’t go far traveling at an irregular pace. Indeed, the boat slowed down, more and more, as more girls got sucked into the argument, and [[this incensed Taline further|5-10]], they shouldn’t be arguing, they should just be going faster, she couldn’t see them but could imagine the Northern U team getting further and further ahead of them, disappearing off into the distance like a tiny dot.

Taline’s rage was interrupted by the shell shaking violently around her, as the river picked up with an intensity she’d never seen before. She gripped her oar tight, looking around, trying to figure out what was going on as water splashed all over her and the boat was carried by what seemed like rapids down a strange fork. Carol's voice rang out from the bow: “Christine! Oh my god Christine, she caught a crab, we have to find her,” and Taline focused her eyes on the water, looking for her teammate as the whole crew jumped into a panic. “Where is she? Do you see her?” “Where are //we//? I don’t remember this route.” “Oh my god are we lost?” “Does anybody see Christine?” The boat was solely being propelled by the river at this point, as everyone tried to find their missing teammate. Catching a crab was a rare, but not unheard of occurrence–Taline had experienced it herself quite a few times, the shock of your oar catching and the sudden fling into the water. What was unusual was that Christine hadn’t surfaced immediately after. “Nat, should we pull over?” Hannah’s voice came from the stern. But Heather, ever the voice of reason, responded. “No! We need to keep going. We have to win the race!” Beetie turned around again. “Or else what?” Taline realized she was beginning to get tired of looking at her face as she continued, “Scared you’re going to lose to... [[you know.|5-11]]”

Taline pushed down her impulse to sock her in the mouth. This proved to be a good thing, as it gave her the opportunity to really analyze Beetie’s face. Her strong jaw, prominent features, tall stature… Even her name, Beatrice, who named their kid Beatrice in this day and age? She couldn’t be… could she? Could… [[//he//|5-12]]?

Nat’s commanding voice snapped her out of her thoughts. “Let’s just pick up the pace and get out of here! Christine’s a strong swimmer, she’ll be okay.” Nat blocked the sun out of her eyes with one hand and analyzed the strange river around her. “This fork should lead us back to the main river. Carol, you’re on bow. Pull her oar into the boat so it doesn’t drag. Beetie, skip strokes. We’re uneven, make sure we don’t drift.” Beetie snapped back around, and Taline was face to face with her ponytail once again. She grunted and went back to [[matching Elma’s strokes|5-13]].

This was proving to be one of the worst races of her life. The world around her was strange, unfamiliar. She’d never been down this path on the river before, didn’t even know it had existed. Her teammates were weak, spineless. She was more and more convinced that the one in front of her was a man. The entire organization handling these races was even more spineless. This had been her safe space, and it was crumbling around her. She heard a shriek, a crunch, and a loud splash–all directly behind her. “Oh my god, Sof, you dropped your oar?” She couldn’t hold her tongue any further, her head hurt, her cheeks burned, the air was hot and only getting hotter, she just wanted off this awful boat at this point. “First Christine, now Sof’s oar, Jesus Christ… We’re never beating Northern. This is so embarrassing…” “Do you think [[they|5-14]] rigged it against us?”

Of course. Of course that was it, Heather was right once again. The trannies, the men, they’d set it up so she’d drop her oar, it was so obvious! Getting sent down the wrong path too, and Christine’s fall in, they were cheating! They were cheating by being here and they were cheating further to make sure that they won. “Girls, shut it.” Nat called out from stern. “Beetie, go back to matching pace. Sofia, sit–” A piercing scream rang out from behind Taline. She turned around, but only saw the back of Sofia’s head. She did hear Heather’s voice crying. “It grabbed me! [[Something|5-15]] just grabbed my arm!”

Taline’s head snapped around to analyze the water once again as the girls bickered. What was going on? She saw something glimmer, or maybe that was the reflection of the sun on the water? “Maybe it was one of those [[//trannies//|5-16]] you’re so worried about.”

Beetie just didn’t know when to shut her mouth. “Come on Heather, they’re allllll around you. Isn’t that what you’re so scared of? Trannies in women’s spaces?” Taline felt herself get more enraged as Beetie continued, and more sure in her conspiracy as well. How dare (link-reveal:"she.")[ How dare (link-reveal:"//he//.")[(link-reveal:" He didn’t belong on this boat.")[(link-reveal:" This was supposed to be her space.")[(link-reveal:" Her sport.")[(link-reveal:" Her team.")[(link-reveal:" He was taking this from her. This was the last space she had left and he was taking it")[(link-reveal:", he was invading it")[(link-reveal:", he was violating it")[(link-reveal:", he shouldn’t be here")[(link-reveal:", he was the reason everything was going wrong")[(link-reveal:" she just knew it")[(link-reveal:" she just knew")[(link-reveal:" she just knew")[(link-reveal:" she just knew")[(link-reveal:" she was going to be sick")[(link-reveal:" she couldn’t")[(link-reveal:" believe")[(link-reveal:" he")[(link-reveal:" would")[(link-reveal:" do")[(link-reveal:" this")[(link-reveal:" to ")[(link-reveal:"her")[(link-reveal:" she could absolutely believe he would do this to her")[(link-reveal:" it was obvious really")[(link-reveal:" it was in his biology")[(link-reveal:" he was a man")[(link-reveal:" a disgusting man")[(link-reveal:" a disgusting man in her space")[(link-reveal:" men took everything from women")[(link-reveal:" this was all she had")[(link-reveal:" this was all she had")[(link-reveal:" this was all she ever had")[(link-reveal:" and he was destroying it in front of her")[ [[She grabbed onto his ponytail and pulled as hard as she could.|5-17]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]

The entire shell erupted into chaos around her, but Taline ignored them, focusing her efforts on causing as much pain to the invader as possible. Beetie struggled and screamed underneath her grasp, both of their seats shifting back and forth in the scuffle. Beetie tried to push Taline off of him but Taline resisted, grabbing him around his waist and threatening to fling him into the water. An arm wrapped around Taline’s waist in response, tight, constricting, she felt like she was going to get crushed to death, she couldn’t let herself get hurt like this, or die like this, this wasn’t supposed to happen, this was her boat, this was her team, she grabbed with her other hand to try and pry it off, before recoiling at the texture–[[slimy and wet.|5-18]]

[[She looked down.|5-19]]

[[It wasn’t an arm at all.|5-20]]

[[It was a tentacle.|5-21]]

Taline screamed as she found herself peeling off the side of the boat and into the [[cold rapids below|5-22]].

Screaming, like many of her actions that day, would prove to have been a [[mistake|5-23]].

She ran out of air in moments. (set: $Taline to 0) [[return.|landing]]

//The following events take place over the course of a 30 mile long rowing marathon held every fall.// {(set: $Christine to 1, $Carol to 1, $Heather to 1, $Sofia to 1, $Taline to 1, $Beetie to 1, $Elma to 1, $Hannah to 1, $Nat to 1)[[continue.|landing]]}

It was hard to argue with a statement like that, what with her mom, aunt, and both older sisters taking to the sport like a fish to water. Beetie was the definition of legacy. Her grandfather had attended this university. Her mother had as well, and she, her sister, and all three of her daughters were on the women's crew team. They’d all mainly rowed as eights, as well, which made her the family disappointment for rowing six. She had the perfect build for crew too: tall, with a lean body and long arms that seemed to build muscle effortlessly. The coach occasionally told her how much easier she was to train than her two older sisters. How she was the best rower of all of them. Which is why it was such a shame Beetie [[didn’t like the sport all that much|6-3]].

She’d always been a computer nerd, something her family just didn’t really know how to encourage. They were all very outdoorsy, with weekend hikes and yearly camping trips and a garage full of all manner of canoes, kayaks, paddles, wetsuits… they’d probably bought half of REI’s inventory over the years at this rate. They worried about the amount of time Beetie (Beetle, they’d liked to call her, another way to connect her to the outdoors) spent looking at screens. Her excursions outdoors were often forced, she’d found herself crying on a kayak in the middle of nowhere many times as a child, and the whole ordeal left her feeling very unmotivated when it came to the team. Still, a full ride crew scholarship was nothing to sneeze at, and she didn’t quite have the grades to make it into such a prestigious computer science program otherwise. So she supposed she [[had|6-4]] to be grateful.

[[But that didn’t mean she had to like it.|6-5]]

Today’s race was one of the worst of all. It was the longest of the season. Beetie was dreading spending four hours on the water. She just wanted to curl up with her laptop and watch YouTube videos about Sudoku or chess or speedruns or something that wasn’t a fucking boat. The protestors, like her teammates, the other teams, and the river itself, were loud and annoying. Beetie didn’t understand why anyone would spend their Sunday morning coming out to yell at people rowing a race. Who cared if trans people wanted to row? At least they //wanted// to row. She had developed a splitting headache by the time [[the race finally started|6-6]], and was ready for all of this to just be over.

Heather and Taline were the worst of the bunch, constantly bitching from their seats behind her. Beetie was finding it hard to hold her tongue. She’d managed to hold it at every race up until this point, for the sake of her scholarship, but she wasn’t sure if she could keep it up at this rate. She tried to keep her concentration on Elma and Hannah’s strokes ahead of her, begrudgingly syncing up with them just to get done with this ordeal as quickly as possible. She felt a strange motion behind her, and turned her head slightly to the side to see a strange intensity in Taline’s stride as she sped up, pushed herself to move faster than the rest of the team, like it was a competition between the eight of them and she was going to win. //What the hell does she think she’s doing?// Nat seemed to be thinking the same thing, yelling out “Follow Hannah’s pace, ladies!” Beetie wasn’t ready for Taline to [[snap back|6-7]] with a “Set the pace faster!”

She wasn’t prepared to [[snap|6-8]] herself, either.

She whipped her head around and saw the intense glare in Taline’s eyes and found herself unable to hold back her thoughts any further, spitting out a “Can you [[shut the fuck up|6-9]] and listen for once?”

[[Taline ignored her.|6-10]]

[[Of course she did.|6-11]]

[[She didn’t listen to anybody|6-12]] but herself and her dumb best friend Heather.

The boat continued slowing down as more and more girls grew confused as to what the pace should be. The whole point of being on a team was to all match the same rhythm. That was how crew worked. Everyone knew that. They were fucking college students, for god’s sake. Beetie hated this stupid team sport but she hated people who weren’t team players more, and she was about to [[boil over|6-13]].

“Oh my god, look at you. You’re going to hold the boat hostage because you can’t have your way, is that it?” As soon as she said it, the boat (link-reveal:"shook violently.")[ Beetie gave Taline one last glare as she grabbed her oar to steady herself, but before she could turn to face stern-ways again, she saw Christine [[fall backwards|6-14]] into the water. ]

Fall wasn’t the right word for it. It was almost as if she got pulled? But that didn’t make any sense. There was no time to think about it though, the river was picking up and the whole team was scrambling just to stay afloat. It felt to Beetie as if the river was carrying them rather than them gliding atop it. She tried catching a glance at Nat to see how steering was going but it was hard enough to manage keeping herself semi-steady through the turbulence as the boat careened down a side path of the river. Carol's voice rang out from the bow: “Christine! Oh my god Christine, she caught a crab, we have to find her!” Beetie tried to process these words as the girls chattered. It didn’t make any sense to her. If Christine’s oar had gotten caught, she would’ve most likely fallen off sideways (if she even fell off at all). So why did it seem like she flew backwards off of the boat instead? And… where was she? And when would this day be over? Beetie’s head stung. “Nat, [[should we pull over?|6-15]]” Hannah’s voice came from in front of Beetie.

Nat looked like she was about to respond when Heather interrupted: “No! We need to keep going. We have to win the race!” Beetie couldn’t stop herself from turning around again, she was so fucking tired of Heather’s constant remarks during the entire race. “Or else what? Scared you’re going to lose to…” She stopped short of saying [[the actual word|6-16]], regretting her sudden outburst.

She hadn’t //really// meant to bring the trans girls from the other team into this. She didn’t //think// she had, anyway. But she was tired, she was pissed, and she knew just [[how to get under Heather’s skin|6-17]].

Nat’s voice rang out over the whole team. “Let’s just pick up the pace and get out of here! Christine’s a strong swimmer, she’ll be okay.” Nat blocked the sun out of her eyes with one hand and analyzed the strange river around her. “This fork should lead us back to the main river. Carol, you’re on bow. Pull her oar into the boat so it doesn’t drag. Beetie, skip strokes. We’re uneven, make sure we don’t drift.” Beetie sighed. Skipping strokes wasn’t going to solve the drifting problem, but Nat called the shots, so she got to it. Having to pause after every stroke messed a lot with her rhythm, and she had to concentrate harder just to keep moving. The sun was firmly overhead now, and she felt a bead of sweat drip down the entire length of her spine. The commotion behind her was not helping. Shrieking, splashing, constant commentary from the peanut gallery–Sofia lost her oar, somehow, apparently. And this was, again, somehow, apparently, the fault of the other team. Beetie was grateful for the opportunity to at least return to a normal pace, but as the nonsense behind her kept escalating, so did the intensity of her headache. She clearly wasn’t the only one with a headache, as Hannah snapped out a [[“Heather, what is it now?”|6-18]] after Heather’s next scream.

“Did you not hear me, something grabbed my arm!” “Oh my god, you’re being hysterical.” Beetie could hear the sarcasm dripping in her voice. Everyone was getting fed up with the freshman’s nonsense. [[Someone had to put her in her place.|6-19]]

Before she could stop herself, the [[words|6-20]] spilled out.

“Maybe it was one of those [[//trannies//|6-21]] you’re so worried about.”

Heather’s disgust was evident, and gave Beetie all the more reason to twist the knife in further. [[Scholarship be damned, she wanted off this boat.|6-22]]

“Come on Heather, they’re allllll around you. Isn’t that what you’re so scared of? Trannies in women's spaces? In your bathrooms? Sororities? (link-reveal:'Maybe even…"')[ Before she could taunt Heather with the oh so horrifying prospect of a trans woman on her boat, she felt a sudden blistering pain at the back of her head as Taline grabbed her by the ponytail and [[pulled|6-23]].]

(link-reveal:"Everything after that point was a blur.")[(link-reveal:" Beetie was screaming")[(link-reveal:", shaking")[(link-reveal:", thrashing about")[(link-reveal:", water was splashing everywhere")[(link-reveal:", all the girls seemed to be screaming around her but they sounded so")[(link-reveal:" far")[(link-reveal:" away")[(link-reveal:" and the pain was so up close as Taline wrapped an arm around Beetie’s neck")[(link-reveal:" and")[ [[squeezed.|6-24]]]]]]]]]]]]

She didn’t truly understand how [[she fell in|6-25]] until after she was already in the water.

She wrestled with the appendage around her neck, she couldn’t breathe, water was filling her mouth and her lungs as [[Taline|6-26]] strangled her to death.

She opened her eyes and saw Taline’s body floating in front of her, ponytail adrift in the current, both arms [[lifelessly|6-27]] losing their grip on the thick tentacle curled tightly around her waist.

Beetie let out one final gasp as the appendage around her neck [[squeezed tighter|6-28]].

And no more breath could come. (set: $Beetie to 0) [[return.|landing]]

She, of course, knew Nat was transgender. She’d confessed it to her once, drunk in her dorm room. Hannah could tell she regretted it immediately; she’d made her promise not to share it with anyone on campus. Especially the rest of the team. Hannah was supportive. She knew she was supportive. She’d told Nat that it didn’t matter how she was born, that she could’ve been born purple for all she cared. Nat winced a little at that, wouldn’t answer if she had had the surgery or not, and then finally asked if they could just drop the subject. The topic never came up again until the night before the race, when Hannah saw [[the news|8-3]] on Twitter.

Transphobic protestors were coming to [[the race|8-4]].

She wasn’t sure if she should warn Nat, or if that would be inappropriate, or somehow imposing on her. But she figured learning ahead of time was better than being surprised on the day of, so she took a screenshot of the Tweet and began agonizing over what to send. She finally settled on: “Hey Nat, just saw this on Twitter. I’ve got your back, let me know if you need anything tomorrow” Nat replied: 👍 Hannah had no idea how to take that, but it was getting late and she had an early morning ahead of her. [[Whatever happened was going to happen|8-5]] the next day, and she’d help however she could.

The rest of the girls slowly coalesced by where Hannah had prepped the boat. Most of them seemed to be ignoring the protest. That was good. They should be ignored. Heather and Taline, however, seemed invested. Captivated, even. They chattered to each other; Hannah tuned their conversation out, hoped everyone could just ignore them. She turned to Nat to discuss strategy, but Nat was looking at the river, her gaze far off and almost dreamlike. She supposed [[some decisions|8-6]] would just have to be up to her.

The shell went into the water and the team settled in, one at a time, checking their equipment and making sure they were prepared for [[the long haul ahead|8-7]].

The race started with a bang, and Hannah set a medium-fast pace. Something that would get the team energized, but not wear them out. Winning wasn’t the goal for any team here–successfully accomplishing a rowing marathon was. Thirty miles was nothing to sneeze at, and so many things could go wrong at such a distance. Good thing they had Nat to watch over the rest of them. [[Between Nat and Christine|8-8]], the boat was in good hands.

Eight was a strange position to row in. While the other girls had another person to follow, to watch and pay attention to, Hannah could only see Nat and the wide river behind her. The starting zone became smaller and smaller as it vanished in the distance, and slowly every team spread out over the length of the river, as paces were set and strategies were followed. Hannah’s own boat seemed to be slowing down a bit more than expected, and while she put more power behind her strokes, Nat called out a “Follow Hannah’s pace, ladies!” She must’ve noticed something that Hannah couldn’t. Taline yelled back. “Set the pace faster!” Hannah caught Nat’s gaze and could see her own annoyance reflected back, along with the sparkle of a tear forming in her eye. She flashed a half-smile at her. In the heat of the moment, there truthfully was little more she could do than set pace. She was a silent leader to Nat’s vocal one. If the other girls didn’t follow the two of them, they’d get nowhere. Surely they all knew this. They weren’t amateurs, this was a high-level race. The river picked up underneath them as the boat began to shake and drift violently. Some of the girls began to scream, Hannah looked to her right and saw that they were veering down a fork, she glanced at Nat who was preoccupied with the tiller, clearly trying to get things back under control. She wasn’t entirely sure of what happened until she heard [[the commotion|8-9]].

“Where is she? Do you see her?” “Where are //we//? I don’t remember this route.” “Oh my god are we lost?” “Does anybody see [[Christine|8-10]]?”

That last sentence got her attention. She lifted her oar and scanned the waters, looking unsuccessfully for her bowman. Hannah glanced back up at Nat. “Should we pull over?” “No! We need to keep going. We have to win the race!” “Or else what? Scared you’re going to lose to... you know.” “Why the fuck are we arguing…” Ever the unhelpful responses from the engine room. Hannah was particularly bitter at Beetie’s response–what did the trans people have to do with it? And if she had such strong opinions, why didn’t she row eight? Nat’s voice cut through the tension like a knife. “Let’s just pick up the pace and get out of here! Christine’s a strong swimmer, she’ll be okay.” Hannah watched Nat block the sun out of her eyes with one hand and analyze the strange river around her. “This fork should lead us back to the main river. Carol, you’re on bow. Pull her oar into the boat so it doesn’t drag. Beetie, skip strokes. We’re uneven, make sure we don’t drift.” She looked at Hannah and nodded. Hannah picked her oar up and returned to rowing. The pace was a bit slower than before–both because of the missing member and because Hannah was a bit nervous to take them faster. She had no idea where they were, and could only hope Nat knew where they were going. She supposed hoping [[the bickering|8-11]] would stop was off the table.

Commotions kept happening behind her, things kept going wrong. Hannah could see the exasperation on Nat’s face. She certainly had her hands full, keeping watch over the crumbling team while also steering through uncertain waters while also emotionally navigating the accusations Heather and Taline kept making. Something about the transgenders causing Sofia to drop her oar? It was such a bizarre conspiracy, Hannah could barely wrap her head around it. She just wished everyone would shut up and get along. A piercing scream rang out–more noise from Heather. “What is it now?” Hannah called, the words dripping with weariness. “Did you not hear me, something grabbed my arm!” More conspiracies, more nonsense. “Oh my god, you’re being hysterical.” “Maybe it was one of those //trannies// you’re so worried about.” “Oh shut up, [[you’re disgusting|8-12]].”

Hannah was getting sick of it, all of it. Someone had to step up on Nat’s behalf, she looked like she was about to cry. Hannah couldn’t imagine what it was like to hear that slur being pulled out left and right while stuck on a boat with these people. She wished they would just keep their thoughts to themselves. Or save it until after the race. For Nat’s sake, at least. That thought was interrupted by a [[piercing scream|8-13]].

Hannah turned around and saw Beetie’s head yanked backward, face in an intense expression of pain as she wriggled in Taline’s grasp. She couldn’t tell what either of them were saying, the whole boat was in a loud commotion as the two cried and squirmed and Hannah dug her oar into the water, tried to slow things down, it was the only action she could think of doing, she kept her eyes on the fight breaking out which meant that she saw in full, incomprehensible detail a pair of tentacles launching out of the water and wrapping themselves around the girls. The boat tipped over, going nearly vertical before snapping back upright as the girls were [[dragged under the water|8-14]].

The world was [[quiet|8-15]], for a moment.

And then Nat screamed [[ROW|8-16]]!

Hannah set a fast pace, not wanting to know what sort of creature those tentacles could’ve possibly come from. The team exploded into action behind her, finally something they could all agree upon. She heard a wet smack behind her and felt the shell start gliding through the water, as if all resistance had disappeared. She tilted her body to look behind Nat and saw a few shiny tentacles slinking back into the water, and kept her gaze on them as long as she possibly could. The boat shook some and Carol yelled something and she and Heather got into an argument that Hannah frankly didn’t have the capacity to fully process. She whipped her head around and saw Sofia leapfrogging over Heather’s head to make it to bow. She glanced back at Nat, who motioned to keep the pace up. Hannah shrugged. Whatever was going on back there, at least Nat understood it. It was honestly amazing, being so up close with Nat while she was in her element in such a dangerous situation. Hannah couldn’t help but admire her. She was killing it with the leadership. The team rowed and rowed and rowed with a franticness unlike any race they’d ever competed in. Only after her arms and legs and abs started burning white hot did Hannah finally speak up. “Nat. I haven’t seen it in a while. I think we lost it. Can we hold position?” Nat met Hannah’s eyes and nodded. Her face was hollow, almost expressionless. Hannah led the team into a slowdown, letting the river carry the shell on its own as the whole team [[let go of their oars|8-17]], groaning out in pain and exhaustion.

It was a few minutes of silence, heavy breathing, and processing, before [[anyone|8-18]] spoke up.

Surprisingly, Elma spoke first. “Should we pull over to shore? I… don’t know if the water’s safe…” Hannah watched Nat stare at her hands. “Christine… Beetie… Taline… why…? Why did this happen?” Hannah couldn’t wrap her head around it either. This was supposed to be a fun race. It wasn’t supposed to go like this. What was that creature? Why was it here? And why was it after them? And what happened to the others? Were they really dead? They couldn’t be, could they? Nat had said Christine was a strong swimmer… was she still okay? “Okay… I guess we’re not pulling to shore. Um. I have [[the emergency phone|8-19]], I’m going to…”

The boat rocked as someone’s weight shifted or something shifted in the river or //something//, Hannah really wasn’t sure anymore, but she heard a [[splash|8-20]] as the phone slipped out of Elma’s hand and into the water.

Sofia wailed from the bow–Christine’s old seat. She wailed and wailed and wailed and it was nearly contagious, soon they were all [[wailing|8-21]], Nat, Carol, Elma, Heather. Everyone.

#[[Christine!|8-22]]

#[[Taline!|8-23]]

#[[Beetie!|8-24]]

“What the [[fuck|8-25]] did you just say?”

Hannah’s head whipped around. Carol //never// swore. Heather stammered, then doubled down. “I said, this is her fault! Taline wouldn’t have fought her–HIM, if he wasn’t, you know,” “Transgender.” Sofia’s voice was low. Dark. “So that’s how you see things.” “I see things how they are. Beetie killed Taline! It’s his fault she’s dead! And probably his fault Christine’s dead too!” “Did you not see the freaky tentacle monster?” “...Didn’t Taline attack Beetie first?” “No. Enough. ENOUGH.” Hannah couldn’t hold herself back anymore. Heather was just being such an asshole and two of their teammates had just drowned. They were all in such a horrible situation, and Heather just wouldn’t get off her high horse over something that really should not affect her! She needed to know the (link-reveal:"truth.")[(link-reveal:" The truth about their leader.")[ [[That would show her.|8-26]]]]

[[“Beetie isn’t the trans one here you dipshit.”|8-27]]

[[“I’m transgender.” |8-28]]

The voice came, not from in front of Hannah, but from the bow of the ship. Hannah turned around to look. Sofia’s tennis visor covered the expression on her face. “Okay? Are you happy now? Are you all [[happy|8-29]] that it’s out in the open?”

Heather bent her head over the side of the boat and [[retched|8-30]].

“That’s disgusting. That’s so disgusting, you literally put your JUNK in my FACE oh my god what is wrong with you, you fucking freak!” She paused her bitching to retch some more. The smell of hot vomit filled the air, made Hannah queasy as well. She wished they’d just get on the fucking road. Nat was shaking in front of her, wouldn’t look Hannah in the eye. She thought she saw tears pouring out of her. Guilt crept out of Hannah’s gut like vines on a trellis, she couldn’t believe she’d nearly spilled Nat’s secret like that. She couldn’t believe Sofia covered for her like that either. And she couldn’t believe three of her teammates were [[missing, dead, she had no idea|8-31]].

Hannah needed to [[take charge|8-32]].

She needed them to [[get out of there|8-33]].

She needed to [[protect the team|8-34]].

Hannah flipped herself around and unsteadily stood up in the boat, letting her seat roll back and forth between her feet as she faced the bow. “Guys. GUYS. Why don’t we all just ignore the transgender thing for now, okay? We’re in the middle of nowhere, we can’t call for help, and we’re arguing over whether it’s okay for someone to be transgender? What does that matter right now? If you love transgenders, if you hate transgenders, I don’t give a shit!” Let’s just fucking get OUT OF HERE and then we [[never|8-35]] have to speak to each other EVER AGAIN, O…”

Hannah felt a shadow looming, saw the terrified faces of the remaining girls as they broke eye contact with her and turned their gazes upward. Slowly, carefully, so as not to tip the boat, [[Hannah turned around|8-36]].

Nat’s head was [[tilted completely backward|8-37]], facing the sky.

And above her, another head loomed, suspending out from the river on a long, tubular body made of grey and red scales. Its face was more fish than human, with slick, medusa-like tentacles flowing out from its skull. Water dripped off the set of gills on its neck and onto Nat’s head, as more shimmering tentacles approached the boat from deep below the murky surface. Its red eyes glowed as it [[fixed its gaze|8-38]] onto Hannah.

A smile formed on its face. Sharp, yellow, with [[two long fangs|8-39]] erupting from its bottom lip.

The last thing Hannah saw was [[that smile opening up|8-40]], and the rows of sharper and sharper teeth that awaited her inside.

The last thing Hannah heard was her own scream. (set: $Hannah to 0) [[return.|landing]]

[[Would that be so bad?|4-3]]

[[Or would it turn out deadly?|4-4]]

She hated that she had to think in absolutisms like that. But kids had always been mean and she grew up to discover that the rest of the world was as well. She’d deleted Twitter off her phone weeks ago, after seeing the tsunami of hatred towards trans women, particularly athletes. A radical act of self-care, she’d called it. One that unfortunately left her ill-prepared for the [[protestors|4-5]] waiting by the river when she arrived.

She saw them before she could register the noise, clad in pink knitted hats and denim vests. Their signs read PROTECT WOMEN’S SPORTS. Sofia’s heart fell into her stomach. How could they have found out? Who could’ve told them? No one at her university was supposed to have known. Unless someone from one of her prior towns tipped them off? But who would be following her that closely… Her fight or flight instinct battled it out inside of her. (link-reveal:"Leave, and the whole team forfeits. ")[ (link-reveal:"Stay, and they all find out her secret. ")[ [[Leave, and they might find out anyway. |4-6]]]]

“Sofia!” A familiar voice called out behind her. She turned and saw Heather’s ginger bob making its way towards her. “Come on, Sof, we’re gonna be late.” “Do you see them? What are they doing here?” “You didn’t hear? It’s all over Twitter. Northern U let some fucking men on their team. Like, how the fuck are we supposed to win?” Sofia’s mouth had gotten so dry that it became impossible for her to speak, but even if it hadn’t, she still couldn’t conjure any words to say. She followed Heather over to the team’s shell and stood silently at her position as Heather and Taline gawked at the pair of girls being harassed on the other team. “Should we talk to a ref? I mean it’s fucked up. They can’t let men race against girls.” “Shit, I usually pee before races too. Am I going to have to hold it for four hours?” They kept going, a cyclone of fearmongering about how the addition of openly trans women in rowing would surely destroy the sport and hurt all of the “real” women. Back and forth, words that cut like daggers but sounded like alarms. They were the victims here, after all. They were the ones hurt, attacked, their space invaded, their race rigged, perverted, even. Sofia looked around at her other teammates, who were all somehow magically able to conjure up something else to do or look at or focus on than the toxic cloud in the middle of their lineup. Only Nat met her eye. But she was all the way at the stern, and was so tiny that Sofia really didn’t know what she could possibly do to help this situation anyway. She just had to make it through the race, Sofia kept reminding herself. She just had to ignore that her teammates were TERFs for four hours, and then she could figure out [[what to do after|4-7]].

Sofia’s reasons for joining crew were simple: she missed the water but didn’t feel comfortable wearing a swimsuit. It seemed like a decent compromise, to spend her mornings gliding above the water’s surface. The race was starting soon. Taline offered to sunscreen Sofia’s neck and shoulders. Sofia turned around, let the other girl press the cool lotion into her skin, and wondered [[how long it would take|4-8]] for the team to find her out.

A shrill whistle echoed in the air over the sounds of cheers and jeers. The girls from Northern U. held their heads high. Everyone got into position. Sofia’s was the seat sandwiched between Heather and Taline. It felt [[newly claustrophobic|4-9]].

The race started with a bang, and Sofia forced herself through the motions. Watch the oar in front of you, follow it exactly, do not waver. Push with your legs, engage your core, feel your arms burn. The Northern U team overtook them fairly early into the race. Sofia watched Taline’s speed pick up, and did her best to match, only to realize the boat was actually slowing down. A squabble ensued. Nat yelled “Follow Hannah’s pace, ladies!” Taline yelled back. “Set the pace faster!” Beetie turned around and said something Sofia couldn’t quite make out. The boat moved slower and slower. Sofia couldn’t figure out whose oar to match. She tried making eye contact with Nat, but her gaze was caught by something behind the rest of the team. The shell shook violently, and a splash echoed out in the air before the river seemed to pick up, more than it ever had any of the times they’d been on it before. Sofia plunged her oar into the river to try and brake to whatever extent she could, [[but it was no use|4-10]] as the water carried the girls down a new path.

[[“Christine! Oh my god Christine, she caught a crab, we have to find her.” |4-11]]

Carol’s voice rung out from behind Sofia, who knew instantly what she meant. Christine’s oar got stuck on something, and the inertia caused her to fly out of the boat. Other voices followed: “Where is she? Do you see her?” “Where are //we//? I don’t remember this route.” “Oh my god are we lost?” “Does anybody see Christine?” Hardly anyone was rowing at this point, all heads were turning trying to see where Christine had fallen in. Sofia wrinkled her brow in confusion. It wasn’t like her to slip out like that. “Christine!” Carol called out. “Christine!!!” Sofia didn’t hear Hannah ask Nat if they should pull over, but she did hear Heather’s resounding “No! We need to keep going. We have to win the race!” “Or else what? Scared you’re going to lose to… you know.” Beetie’s teasing voice rang out ahead. Her words stung. “I’m not scared!” Heather’s defensiveness came up around her like a wall. “I just need them to know that we’re not going to sit by and some fucking freaks beat us.” “Oh my god Heather shut up,” Carol’s voice piped up from the back. “Christine is MISSING and all you care about is proving some kind of sick point? What is wrong with you?” Heather turned around in her seat to make some kind of comeback, but Nat made a final call first. “Let’s just pick up the pace and [[get out of here|4-12]]! Christine’s a strong swimmer, she’ll be okay.” Nat blocked the sun out of her eyes with one hand and analyzed the strange river around her. “This fork should lead us back to the main river. Carol, you’re on bow. Pull her oar into the boat so it doesn’t drag. Beetie, skip strokes. We’re uneven, make sure we don’t drift.”

That was that. Carol removed Christine’s oar from where it was attached to the boat and slid it under the seats. Sofia kept her eyes on Hannah’s pace, since Beetie was skipping strokes. The shell made its way down the river, slower, less stable, but still moving. As things returned to a sense of normal, [[Sofia let her mind wander|4-13]].

(link-reveal:"She wondered if she should’ve ever joined this team at all.")[ (link-reveal:"The thought was intrusive, invasive, all-consuming, and once she thought it she couldn’t stop, her mind began to regurgitate all the horrific things she’d used to read in comments sections of trans news articles.")[(link-reveal:" She didn’t belong here")[(link-reveal:", there was no way she belonged here")[(link-reveal:", there was a reason she kept her distance from the other girls")[(link-reveal:" and it was because she wasn’t really a girl at all")[(link-reveal:" and was taking up another woman’s space")[(link-reveal:" and shouldn’t be here")[[[ she shouldn’t be here|4-14]]]]]]]]]]

(link-reveal:"The sun burned overhead, the air heavy with moisture. ")[ (link-reveal:"she shouldn’t be here")[(link-reveal:" she was a big dumb mutilated man")[(link-reveal:" with broad shoulders ")[(link-reveal:"and barely any tits")[(link-reveal:" and no amount of electrolysis and injections could ever change that")[(link-reveal:" she was fetishizing real women")[(link-reveal:" and she was a fetish")[(link-reveal:" and she was violent")[(link-reveal:" she was committing a violence against women")[[[ she was a man committing violence against women |4-15]]]]]]]]]]]]

(link-reveal:"Sofia felt a bead of sweat drip down from her forehead.")[(link-reveal:" And then another.")[(link-reveal:" And a third.")[(link-reveal:" she shouldn’t be here")[(link-reveal:" she shouldn’t be here")[(link-reveal:" she was violent")[(link-reveal:" she was assaulting women")[(link-reveal:" she was assaulting women by being here")[(link-reveal:", she was invading their space")[(link-reveal:" like a virus")[(link-reveal:" like a disease")[[[ like|4-16]]]]]]]]]]]]]

A [[quick movement|4-17]] caught the corner of her eye as something grabbed her oar and she screamed.

Sofia had no idea how to describe what it was that she saw. It had to be a figment of her imagination. Or a psychosis episode. It was a dark blue, almost fleshy tendril that seemed to shimmer in the sunlight. [[And it wrapped around the flat side of her oar. |4-18]]

It turned out to be incredibly lucky she let go at the moment that she did, as with a loud crunching sound, the oar snapped off from where it was attached to the shell and sunk ([[or was pulled?|4-19]]) deep into the water.

“Oh my god, Sof, you dropped your oar?” A shrill voice from directly behind her asked. “First Christine, now Sof’s oar, Jesus Christ…” Taline piped up soon after, as per usual. “We’re never beating Northern. This is so embarrassing…” “Do you think they rigged it against us?” “Oh my god, like set it up so she’d drop her oar?” “Girls, shut it.” Nat called out from stern. “Beetie, go back to matching pace. Sofia, sit–” A piercing scream rang out, again from directly behind Sofia. She turned around and saw Heather with a terrified look on her face. “It grabbed me! Something just grabbed my arm!” “Heather, what is it now?” The exasperation in Hannah’s voice was heavy. “Did you not hear me, something grabbed my arm!” “Oh my god, you’re being hysterical.” “I saw it too…” Carol’s voice piped up, but it was too quiet, Sofia wasn’t sure if anyone on the stern half of the boat even heard, “It looked like a tentacle… Squids don’t live in rivers, do they?” “Maybe it was one of those //trannies// you’re so worried about,” Beetie taunted. “Oh shut up, you’re disgusting.” “Come on Heather, they’re allllll around you. Isn’t that what you’re so scared of? Trannies in women's spaces? In your bathrooms? Sororities? Maybe even…” [[Taline grabbed Beetie by the ponytail and pulled.|4-20]]

[[Beetie screamed. |4-21]]

The entire shell erupted into chaos, rocking violently as the two scuffled, slurs and accusations flying out from Taline’s mouth. All heads turned to watch the scene unfold in the engine room. The girls on either end of the boat screamed at them to stop. The scene was less serene early morning boating and more cage fight. Sofia froze in place, manicured hands gripping the sides of the boat. To try to stop Taline would mean being accused herself. To not would be letting Beetie get hurt in her place. [[She spotted Taline’s oar|4-22]] dragging in the water and grabbed it by the handle, lifting it to at least prevent it from catching.

[[That was when she saw the tentacles. |4-23]]

They flew out from under the water, slick and moist, wrapping Taline and Beetie in a tight embrace. The shell leaned dangerously far to Sofia’s right before snapping back, righting itself as two of its occupants were flung off and [[dragged under the water|4-24]].

[[The world was quiet, for a moment.|4-25]]

[[And then Nat screamed ROW!|4-26]]

The team exploded into action. Sofia got down on her knees and maneuvered herself forward into Taline’s seat, grabbing the oar and matching the fast pace Hannah had set three seats ahead. Tentacles reached up to grab the lip of the boat, and Heather and Elma both shrieked, Elma impulsively smacking one with her paddle. They slinked away back into the water, and Sofia focused all her energy on getting as far away from whatever they were as quickly as possible. The boat started leaning, steering dangerously towards the shore. Of course it did, they’re an odd number again. Water started spilling into the boat, the cold making Sofia yelp. There were fewer even team members, so Sofia lifted Taline’s former paddle into the air. Carol yelled out that she was struggling to maintain bow. Heather asked what she wants her to do about it and Carol asked her to climb to the back. Another argument ensued. The air got hotter, thick with humidity. Sweat dripped down the back of Sofia’s neck as she unattached Taline’s paddle and turned around. “Heather, Carol, duck. I’ll take bow.” “Are you crazy?” “Yes. Now duck!” Sofia could see an argument forming on Heather’s tongue, but she was already on her hands and knees crawling towards Christine’s former position. Heather pulled her oar out of the water and got as flat as possible, allowing Sofia to balance her feet on the sides of the boat and slowly, carefully leapfrog over Heather’s head. She did her best to keep her crotch away from Heather’s face, but with all the other maneuvers she was trying to pull off it was, quite honestly, a challenge. She repeated the same motion with Carol, grabbing the oar that Carol had stashed and [[clicking it back into its position|4-27]].

Bow was one of the hardest positions to maintain on the boat, and Sofia could see why Carol had been struggling. Nat called for Heather to stop rowing, since odds outnumbered evens once again. And from Sofia’s vantage point in the back, it was a good call. Heather looked exhausted. Her hair frizzed out at odd angles, and her shoulders heaved up and down almost in [[agitation|4-28]].

The small team minus Heather rowed fast and hard, with Sofia keeping the boat as stable as she could. They jostled from side to side, as water splashed all around her and began to [[pool|4-29]] a bit at the bottom of the boat.

Carol’s seat stopped rocking back and forth, so she stopped her legs as well, and let the boat drift along in the murky water, which had somehow become the color of dark washed jeans. Sofia looked past Carol, past Heather, at the seats that used to contain Taline and Beetie, and felt tears rising up to her cheeks. Even though it happened right in front of her, she couldn’t comprehend what she had just seen, what pulled the girls out of the boat, [[it made no sense. |4-30]]

Guilt wrapped around her like a corset. Taline had… been awful. She had been awful to Beetie. (link-reveal:"And it was her fault, in a way.")[ (link-reveal:"She should’ve been in the water instead of Beetie.")[ (link-reveal:"She was the one with the secret, not Beetie.")[ (link-reveal:"She couldn’t hold it in anymore.")[ [[She began to wail.|4-31]]]]]]

#[[Christine!|4-32]]

[[“No! Not Beetie, it’s her fault.”|4-35]]

Sofia felt her [[heart stop|4-36]] at Heather’s words.

#[[Taline!|4-33]]

#[[Beetie!|4-34]]

Carol’s voice was dark when she responded. “What the fuck did you just say?” Heather stammered, then doubled down. “I said, this is her fault! Taline wouldn’t have fought her–HIM, if he wasn’t, you know,” “Transgender.” Sofia kept her voice low, kept her heart close to her chest. [[“So that’s how you see things.”|4-37]]

“I see things how they are. Beetie killed Taline! It’s his fault she’s dead! And probably his fault Christine’s dead too!” Each swapped pronoun was like a dagger out of Heather’s mouth. [[Sofia thought she was going to vomit, or scream, or lie limp in the boat and do nothing but cry and cry and cry. |4-38]]

It was Hannah whose voice echoed over the group. “No. Enough. ENOUGH. [[Beetie isn’t the trans one here|4-39]] you dipshit–”

[[The world entered slow motion for Sofia.|4-40]]

[[How could Hannah have known?|4-41]]

She hadn’t ever told anyone, not at the entire school. She had worked so hard, avoiding certain social events, keeping herself covered in the locker room at all times, hiding her estrogen whenever anyone visited her dorm room. Did the protestors somehow find out and tell her? She needed to get ahead of this. She wouldn’t be able to bear the looks of disgust if Hannah spilled the beans first, the way everyone’s heads would turn to her end of the boat. [[The words spilled out before she could stop them. |4-42]]

[[“I’m transgender.” |4-43]]

[[There was a pause. |4-44]]

Sofia kept her eyes on the floor of the boat, watched a dead bug float around in the water pooling at her feet. She didn’t want to know what expressions anyone was making. This would mark the end of her crew career. “Okay? Are you happy now? [[Are you all happy|4-45]] that it’s out in the open?”

Heather bent her head over the side of the boat and [[retched|4-46]].

Another dagger. Sofia winced, focused on holding her own breakfast down as Heather screamed obscenities about her genitalia in between bouts of vomit. Sofia found it excessive to the point of parody, to be honest. The smell of hot vomit wafted through the air as the boat wobbled and rocked from side to side. Sofia looked up and saw Hannah standing, facing the rest of the crew. She cleared her throat. “Guys. GUYS. Why don’t we all just ignore the transgender thing for now, okay? We’re in the middle of nowhere, we can’t call for help, and we’re arguing over whether it’s okay for someone to be transgender? What does that matter right now? If you love transgenders, if you hate transgenders, I don’t give a shit!” Let’s just fucking [[get OUT OF HERE|4-47]] and then we never have to speak to each other EVER AGAIN, O…”

Sofia’s focus drifted upward from Hannah to the… [[thing rising above her|4-48]].

[[It had a face like a cross between a fish and a human, with deep red eyes, thick tentacles for hair, and grey scales that dripped with river water.|4-49]]

And, most striking to Sofia, [[rows and rows of sharp, yellow teeth.|4-50]]

[[It curled over Nat’s head and descended onto Hannah, opening its mouth wide. |4-51]]

Blood splattered across the boat, coating Nat and Elma, as [[the creature severed Hannah’s head from her body and swallowed it whole. |4-52]]

[[It grabbed her body with its jaws and dragged it into the water, which was turning darker and darker as the blood mixed in.|4-53]]

[[Sofia screamed.|4-54]]

Nat yelled to row and Sofia did not need to be told twice as tentacles began gripping onto the lip of the stern. Nat screamed out a beat to follow in Hannah’s absence, her voice quickly growing hoarse as [[the boat charged through the cloudy waters|4-55]].

With half the manpower as they started with, however, it was a slow grueling process. It was all Sofia could do to keep the boat steady while Elma switched between rowing and hitting tentacles. They could all see the creature following them, long and thin, tunneling through the water at an impressive speed. [[It was going to catch up to them. There was no way that it wouldn’t.|4-56]]

[[And water kept spilling into the shell on Sofia’s side, cold and dark. |4-57]]

The boat jostled violently; it was too bow-heavy, and with only Elma’s rowing power on the stern end it was getting harder and harder to control. Carol seemed to be trying her best to help with bow, but it wasn’t enough, and [[one well-timed grab of the lip near Sofia’s former seat pulled the entire shell underwater. |4-58]]

[[Sofia would struggle to remember the rest of what she saw, through the thick cloud of blood that percolated through the river. |4-59]]

[[Two appendages grabbed Heather and Elma and pulled them deep under the surface.|4-60]]

A third reached for Carol, but before it could, Nat got close to the monster’s face. Sofia winced, looking away, kicking her legs to try and reach the surface. [[She wasn’t going to watch the monster eat her teammate. |4-61]]

Something thick wrapped around her ankle and she kicked harder and harder, to no avail, as she was dragged backwards, down, down, down, and then, [[up? |4-62]]

[[The world went black.|4-63]]

[[The world went white. |4-64]]

[[Sofia coughed. |4-65]]

[[She rolled over on the dirt, coughing and vomiting water all over herself. |4-66]]

[[She was soaked, freezing, and alive. |4-67]]

[[The sun shone overhead. |4-68]]

[[The river flowed to her left. |4-69]]

[[The monster was nowhere to be seen.|4-70]]

Sofia and the others traced the river back to the start of the race. (set: $Sofia to 0) [[return.|landing]]

[[She loved everything about it.|7-3]] She loved the feeling of synchronicity. She loved feeling the full body burn when she pushed off in her seat. She felt like she could really just turn her brain off, forget about her anxieties, and let the river take her away. It was better than therapy, better than sex, better than any drug she’d ever tried (not that she’d ever done anything harder than shrooms).

[[There was one more thing about Elma.|7-4]]

[[She wasn’t sure if anyone on the team knew she existed. |7-5]]

She wasn’t sure if that was skill related–she certainly didn’t have the chops of someone like Beetie or Hannah (and quite frankly didn’t understand why Beetie chose to row six instead of a more intense position like eight, when she easily could). Or maybe it was social? She wasn’t a loudmouth like Heather, but she wasn’t stoic like Christine either. She got on with everyone fine, sure. But she often felt like she was just present, rather than involved. She supposed maybe that was her own fault. When the other girls got loud, she got quiet. Especially when they were bickering. She couldn’t stand getting involved in all of that. She just wanted to row, not to [[rock the boat|7-6]], so to speak.

She’d often wondered if she’d be better off switching to solo scuttling, or finding a friend and doing doubles with them. How romantic would that be, scuttling with a boyfriend, just the two of you meandering down a river at sunrise… Elma was getting distracted. The race was about to start, and the girls seemed to be agitated today. A foreboding sign for how the race was going to go. Elma opted to just block it out, choosing instead to sunscreen her shoulders and arms and do her [[pre-race warmups|7-7]].

Normally they’d all do warmups together prior to a race, but Nat seemed adamant that they not this time. Elma supposed it made sense; the race was quite a ways away from their university, and they already had to wake up at the crack of dawn just to travel there in time. Combine that with every girl having a different preferred warmup, it seemed better to just leave everyone to their own devices in this case. It seemed like most of the girls were slacking on their warmups to gawk at the strange protest happening off to the side, however. Elma decided to pay it no mind. It didn’t matter to her if anyone else was prepared. They could be on the river for hours and hours for all she cared, so long as they stayed in sync. She wasn’t going to let this marathon be miserable for herself. She remembered her mindfulness journal, and tried to steer her thoughts towards a more positive day. The sun was warm and bright. The river was calm and clear. [[It was going to be a good race.|7-8]] Elma could feel it.

The race started with a bang and she matched up with the steady pace Hannah provided, letting the movement carry her worries away. This was her favorite part. The peace and quiet. The unanimity that came with being one team with one purpose. Rich blue waters and lush countryside passed the group by as they continued their push. Elma did her best to take it all in while sticking to the prescribed rhythm. This was her home. This was where she belonged. This was, to her, the definition of tranquility. Nat called out a reminder to keep pace and some bickering behind Elma ensued, but she blocked it out. She could block anything out, set any problems aside, for her love of crew. Being out here, on the water. [[That was all that mattered. |7-9]]

The boat begun to shake violently, like a plane through a jetstream, as it careened down a side path Elma had never seen before. Cold water splashed onto her, and she gripped her oar tight. The river picked up speed–she noticed its color growing murkier and murkier as well, as if someone had spilled ink into it. She looked ahead, trying to find a pace to match, but Hannah seemed equally as lost and confused as the shell [[continued speeding out of control|7-10]].

That was when she heard her teammates cries. “Where is she? Do you see her?” “Where are //we//? I don’t remember this route.” “Oh my god are we lost?” “Does anybody see Christine?” Elma turned around, tilted to the side, and sure enough, Christine was missing from her spot at bow, and from the entire river for that matter. "Nat, should we pull over?” Hannah’s voice came from in front of Elma. Nat looked on the verge of responding when Heather cried out: “No! We need to keep going. We have to win the race!” Beetie snapped back at her from behind Elma, but Elma found herself tuning the whole thing out again. More politics. The boat wasn’t the place for this type of debate. “Why the fuck are we arguing,” she muttered under her breath. Nat clearly seemed to feel the same way. “Let’s just pick up the pace and get out of here! Christine’s a strong swimmer, she’ll be okay.” Nat blocked the sun out of her eyes with one hand and analyzed the strange river around her. “This fork should lead us back to the main river. Carol, you’re on bow. Pull her oar into the boat so it doesn’t drag. Beetie, skip strokes. We’re uneven, make sure we don’t drift.” [[Finally. |7-11]]

Elma waited for Hannah to start and matched tempo once again, letting the bickering of the rest of the engine room turn into white noise as the boat went down the darkening river. The sun shone brightly ahead and the air grew hot as Elma focused back in on creating a big, even stroke to send the shell downstream. And for [[a moment|7-12]], she was back in the zone.

Her tranquility was cut off this time by a scream from the bow end. Elma half-tuned in: more drama, more bickering about transgenders. It was almost maddening. [[Elma was beginning to take the idea of becoming a solo sculler more seriously. |7-13]]

Another scream cried out, this time from directly behind her. She turned around and saw Beetie held in some sort of a headlock by Taline, eyes filled with pain and tears. Elma froze in place. What should she do? What //could// she do? She could try to pry Taline’s arm off, but she had to row, they had to keep moving forward, she couldn’t just let go of her oar. The whole boat was in chaos at this point, with screaming and jostling all around; Elma saw Sofia go for Taline’s oar as the [[boat started tipping to the side and… was that…?|7-14]]

[[Were those tentacles wrapping around Taline and Beetie? |7-15]]

[[The boat snapped back up as the duo were dragged into the water. |7-16]]

[[All the girls stared in silence.|7-17]]

[[Dark red liquid began to float up to the surface.|7-18]]

Nat yelled [[ROW!|7-19]]

Elma matched Hannah’s fast pace, frantically pushing her legs off and scooping water with her oar, trying to get away from whatever that… thing was. A shiny tentacle grabbed the lip of the boat directly next to her and, without thinking, she smacked down on its arm with her oar. It slinked away, disappearing into the darkening waters as the river picked up in pace. The team rowed and rowed and rowed with a franticness unlike any race they’d ever competed in. Elma’s concentration only broke when Nat yelled out another order, but they were never at her–only at the girls behind her, as they swapped seats to try and readjust the balance of the boat. [[Elma’s whole body was on fire when Hannah finally spoke up.|7-20]]

“Nat. I haven’t seen it in a while. [[I think we lost it.|7-21]] Can we hold position?”

Elma couldn’t quite see Nat to see the answer, but got it in Hannah’s motions, as the boat slowed down to just [[getting carried by the river|7-22]] rather than gliding with it.

[[A silence followed as everyone processed what just happened.|7-23]]

Elma had no idea what they should do. Taline and Beetie were nowhere to be seen in the water. She was sure she saw something grab them. She wasn’t sure if she was shivering from the cold water that had splashed on her in their getaway or from pure, instinctual fear. Her voice finally escaped her mouth, meek and soft. [[“Should we pull over to shore? I… don’t know if the water’s safe.” |7-24]]

[[Nat didn’t respond. |7-25]]

[[Neither did Hannah, or any of the others for that matter. |7-26]]

Elma glanced at the pack of supplies by her feet, remembered the iPhone stashed in a plastic baggie in there. Normally, she shouldn’t call for help without Nat’s approval, but with three girls missing… (link-reveal:"It seemed like the right thing to do.")[ (link-reveal:"She hoped it was, anyway.")[ (link-reveal:"Deep, deep down, she didn’t want to make that decision.")[ Because if she didn’t decide, [[then no one could be mad at her.|7-27]]]]]

Her voice wavered as she made one final check: “ I, um, I guess we’re not pulling to shore,” She unzipped the backpack, reached for the Ziploc, “Um. [[I have the emergency phone|7-28]], I’m going to…”

The boat rocked as someone’s weight shifted or something shifted in the river or //something//, Elma really wasn’t sure anymore, but just as soon as she opened the baggie, the phone slipped out of her hand and fell [[into the river|7-29]].

[[“... Shit.”|7-30]]

Sofia wailed from the bow. Elma felt much the same–three girls were gone, and so was their lifeline. She couldn’t help but match in her wails, they were contagious, and soon [[everyone|7-31]] was joining in.

#[[Christine!|7-32]]

#[[Taline!|7-33]]

#[[Beetie!|7-34]]

[[“What the fuck did you just say?”|7-35]]

More fucking discourse. This time from Carol, which was odd. Carol never started something she couldn’t finish, at the very least. It was all getting impossible to tune out, as Heather accused Beetie of killing Taline due to being transgender, or something like that. Elma couldn’t help to cut in and ask who attacked first, but no one paid her any mind, as per usual, they were all too busy listening to Sofia… [[come out as transgender?|7-36]]

[[What?|7-37]]

Elma couldn’t quite compute what she was hearing. There was actually a transgender person on her boat? She wasn’t opposed to transgender people, anyway, especially not like //Heather//, who had reacted by vomiting off the side of the boat. But… it was a little discomforting. Like she’d been keeping secrets from her. It was a little offensive, honestly, that Sofia thought that she’d judge her for it. Elma didn’t care! Normal girl, transgender, it didn't matter to her. She just couldn’t help feeling like she should’ve been told sooner. [[Or at least not told while they were all on the fucking boat. |7-38]]

Heather’s retching and crying continued, and while Elma’s hopes for a calm voyage had long been dashed, it was impossible for her not to feel annoyed that this stupid topic kept coming up and ruining things over and over again. Hannah clearly felt the same way: “Guys. GUYS. Why don’t we all just ignore the transgender thing for now, okay? We’re in the middle of nowhere, we can’t call for help, and we’re arguing over whether it’s okay for someone to be transgender? What does that matter right now? If you love transgenders, if you hate transgenders, I don’t give a shit!” Let’s just fucking get OUT OF HERE and then we [[never have to speak to each other|7-39]] EVER AGAIN, O…”

The first thing Elma noticed behind Hannah was the[[ mass of tentacles|7-40]] looming towards the boat.

The next thing was the [[lithe body|7-41]] ascending out of the river.

[[Elma slinked back in her seat.|7-42]]

[[It had tentacles for hair, angular facial features, and teeth as sharp as knives.|7-43]]

[[It cast a shadow over Elma as it rose higher still. |7-44]]

[[And its dark red eyes were set right on the monologuing Hannah.|7-45]]

The next thing Elma knew, she was [[drenched in blood. |7-46]]

Elma screamed as the mouth descended upon the rest of Hannah’s body, its thirst-filled eyes mere feet away from her own face. She grabbed her oar and began rowing as quickly as possible, only finding a tempo when an equally-bloodstained Nat started screaming one out verbally. The coxswain was hunched over the tiller, staring ahead with tears in her eyes as the monster’s tentacles ascended onto the boat behind her. Elma took every chance she got to whack one with her oar, but it wasn’t of much use. The boat jostled violently underneath her. With half as much manpower as they started with, an exhausted crew, and a bow-heavy boat, they stood little chance. She watched as the monster caught up, as more tentacles hooked their way around the center of the boat, before her side of the shell lifted out of the water, sending her tumbling into the [[cold, inky river. |7-47]]

She thrashed about, trying to force herself to the surface, but something thick wrapped around her waist and [[squeezed tight|7-48]].

[[It wasn’t until all of the air was forced out of Elma’s lungs that she finally let go of her oar. |7-49]]

It floated to the surface, and was carried away by the river. (set: $Elma to 0) [[return.|landing]]

Clad in pink hats and denim vests, they gathered on the riverbank, writing out signs that read PROTECT WOMEN’S SPORTS and similar meaningless phrases. She found it dumb, really, that they’d come all the way out to this rowing marathon just to, what, harass trans women? Don’t they have better things to do? Although, she wasn’t really one to talk about having better things to do. She’d arrived early, too early, and she didn’t like imposing on Hannah’s setup ritual, so she’d went down to the river to warm up on her own. It was strange to her, that Nat had told them to arrive separately and warm up individually. They always warmed up as a team. And it was a race where they would need a lot of teamwork and synchronicity. That’s how she ended up asking [[the Northern U girls|2-3]] if she could warm up with them.

The two she approached looked at her, warily at first, but led her over to the spot where other girls were jumping rope and jogging in place. “What’s your name?” “Carol. I’m from the Western U team.” The girl she was speaking to was named Alex. She was tall, with blonde hair slicked back into a ponytail and a tennis visor that matched the one Sofia wore during most races. She turned out to be that team’s eight, and did quick name introductions to the rest of the team before launching into exercises. It was nice to [[feel included.|2-4]] Carol always knew this.

That was why she’d joined crew in the first place. Was to be included in something. To feel the [[bonds of teamwork|2-5]] or sisterhood or whatever you wanted to call it that people waxed poetic about in movies and teen magazines.

And yet those bonds seemed to be growing more and more absent on her own team. Warmups ended and she promised to trade Instagram handles with Alex at the finish line before returning to where Hannah had just finished setting up their team’s boat. Sofia, Heather, and Taline joined soon after, with Heather and Taline engaging in gawking at the Northern U team. Carol wanted to say something, but didn’t know what, and the race was about to start anyway, so [[she hoped that that would just be the end of it.|2-6]]

[[She regretted not speaking up almost instantly.|2-7]]

The race started with a bang, and Carol matched pace with Heather and Sofia. She loved sitting two because she got to see what everyone else was doing without the responsibility and stress of sitting one. The water was cool and gray and the sun shone overhead as teams passed on either side. She gave a small nod to Alex when [[her team passed. |2-8]]

She watched as her teammates grew out of sync. Taline was speeding up. Heather was trying to follow suit, although not with nearly the same level of power. Nat yelled “Follow Hannah’s pace, ladies!” Taline yelled back. “Set the pace faster!” Beetie turned around and said something Carol couldn’t quite make out, but [[a sudden splash|2-9]] behind her caught her attention.

[[She turned around and Christine was gone.|2-10]]

The river picked up in pace, and water started spilling in as Christine’s oar bounced up and down atop its surface. [[Christine had caught a crab. |2-11]]

This was an uncommon but not completely unusual experience. Oars getting stuck had launched many a girl into the water in the past. But they were moving fast, so fast, it was impossible to see where Christine had disappeared off to. She should’ve surfaced by now, at the very least. Carol looked around frantically as the boat shook in the river, diving down a fork that she’d never noticed before. The end of the boat shook violently and Carol was stuck between looking for Christine and trying to keep the boat stable for the other girls. Her heart raced as the environment around her somehow grew darker and brighter at the same time. The sun shone overhead, the air was thick with humidity, and the water seemed to be turning almost inky in color. She called Christine’s name, over and over again, hoped that the team would slow down, but Heather kept insisting that they keep going. That they win. “Or else what? Scared you’re going to lose to… you know.” Beetie’s teasing voice rang out ahead. Her words stung. “I’m not scared!” Heather’s defensiveness came up around her like a wall. “I just need them to know that we’re not going to sit by and [[some fucking freaks|2-12]] beat us.”

Carol couldn’t hold herself back anymore. She needed to speak up. [[To say something. |2-13]]

“Oh my god Heather shut up! Christine is MISSING and all you care about is proving some kind of sick point? What is wrong with you?” Nat [[caught her eye|2-14]], from all the way at stern.

Carol could’ve sworn she saw a tear flow down her cheek, tracing the [[faintest of smiles|2-15]].

“Let’s just pick up the pace and get out of here!” Nat called. “Christine’s a strong swimmer, she’ll be okay.” Nat blocked the sun out of her eyes with one hand and analyzed the strange river around her. “This fork should lead us back to the main river. Carol, you’re on bow. Pull her oar into the boat so it doesn’t drag. Beetie, skip strokes. We’re uneven, make sure we don’t drift.” That was that. Carol turned around, removed Christine’s oar from where it was attached to the boat, and slid it under the seats. The team resumed moving forward as normal, Carol now stuck with the hardest job on the boat. Her arms ached as she tried to keep the boat stable, and her heart ached as she kept glancing around for the sight of Christine. They were supposed to be a team. [[What was happening?|2-16]]

[[Another commotion was what. |2-17]]

With a loud crunch, Sofia’s oar snapped off the boat and into the water. Heather and Taline swooped in with commentary, bemoaning how they’d lose the race, lose to the… Carol didn’t even want to think the disgusting slur that they were using. She tried to speak up, to tell them to shut up again, but the words got caught in her throat as she looked to the side of the boat and saw [[a tentacle|2-18]] slide up to Heather’s arm.

Heather screamed, a loud, piercing scream and it slinked away again, disappearing back under the surface. “Heather, what is it now?” Carol could hear the exasperation in Hannah’s voice all the way from the other end of the boat. “Did you not hear me, something grabbed my arm!” “Oh my god, you’re being hysterical.” “I saw it too…” Carol’s voice piped up, but she was quiet, and wasn’t sure if anyone heard. “It… It looked like a tentacle… Squids don’t live in rivers, do they?” “Maybe it was one of those //trannies// you’re so worried about,” Beetie taunted. “Oh shut up, you’re disgusting.” “Come on Heather, they’re allllll around you. Isn’t that what you’re so scared of? Trannies in women's spaces? In your bathrooms? Sororities? [[Maybe even…|2-19]]”

Carol yelled at Beetie to shut up, but it was drowned out by Beetie’s scream as Taline [[grabbed her ponytail|2-20]] and yanked.

The entire shell erupted into chaos, rocking violently as the two scuffled, slurs and accusations at Beetie flying out from Taline’s mouth. All heads turned to watch the scene unfold in the engine room. Carol screamed at them to stop. That seemed to be all she was doing on this voyage, was screaming at the other girls to stop and to calm down and to shut up. She plunged her oar into the water, hoping to steady the boat as it jerked from side to side. Her oar sunk into the water, deeper and deeper, and Carol realized that the entire boat was [[tilting|2-21]].

She looked back just in time to see Taline and Beetie get [[dragged into the water|2-22]] by a pair of tentacles.

[[The boat snapped back upright.|2-23]]

[[The world was quiet, for a moment. |2-24]]

[[And then Nat screamed ROW!|2-25]]

The team exploded into action. Carol grabbed her oar and matched pace with Heather, trying to keep the boat as steady as possible as all the muscles in her arms burned. Tentacles reached up to grab the lip of the boat, and Heather and Elma both shrieked. Elma impulsively smacked one with her paddle, and the crew watched them slink away back into the water. Carol couldn’t stop the boat from leaning, nor could she stop the cold water from spilling in. The boat was shaking, shuddering underneath them, and it was getting harder to maintain any sense of control as the river flowed faster and faster. [[She really, really wanted to be able to count on her teammates. |2-26]]

“I need help! I can’t keep up bow!” “What the fuck do you want me to do about it?” Heather snapped back. “I don’t know, climb behind me! Help stabilize things, something!” “Are you fucking crazy?” “We’re going to fucking capsize and drown, just help!” “Heather, Carol, duck. I’ll take bow.” Carol looked up and saw Sofia crouching over Heather, holding the lip of the boat in her hands. “Are you crazy?” “Yes, now duck!” Carol and Heather both ducked, and Sofia scrambled over both their heads in a sort of leapfrog fashion on the moving boat, grabbing Christine’s old oar and fastening it in. She took to bow much more naturally than Carol had, and the boat’s intense vibrations began to calm as they kept pushing through the water. Heather had stopped rowing at this point–they were uneven, and Heather truly looked exhausted to Carol. She was breathing heavily, her posture more slumped than relaxed, and her cheeks were starting to turn green from the turbulence. The rest of the team rowed fast and hard, with Sofia keeping the boat as stable as she could. They jostled from side to side, as water splashed all around and began to pool a bit at the bottom of the boat. [[Carol scanned the water’s surface again, and saw no sight of the creature. |2-27]]

She noticed, way up by stern, that Elma had stopped rowing, so she stopped as well, let herself relax and let the boat drift on its own in the dark, murky water. Behind her, Sofia began to [[wail|2-28]].

It was loud, full of mourning. Carol couldn’t help but join in, the adrenaline was wearing off and shock settled in in its place. She felt numb, she couldn’t believe what had happened. A monster… Taline and Beetie… Christine was missing too. They had no idea where they were. The air was hot, the sun blazed overhead, [[and the whole boat cried|2-29]].

#[[Christine!|2-30]]

#[[Taline!|2-31]]

#[[Beetie!|2-32]]

“No! Not Beetie, it’s [[her fault|2-33]].”

Carol was snapped out of her mourning. //What the fuck was wrong with her??// She usually made it a rule not to swear, but she was exhausted, she was depressed, she was pissed, and she didn’t understand why everything had gone to such pure shit. “What the fuck did you just say?” Heather stammered, then doubled down. “I said, this is her fault! Taline wouldn’t have fought her–HIM, if he wasn’t, you know,” “Transgender.” Sofia’s voice was low behind Carol. “So that’s how you see things.” “I see things how they are. Beetie killed Taline! It’s his fault she’s dead! And probably his fault Christine’s dead too!” Each swapped pronoun was like a dagger out of Heather’s mouth. Carol was about to respond, or even pull a Taline and try to throw Heather off the boat, when Hannah’s voice rang out. “No. Enough. ENOUGH. Beetie isn’t [[the trans one here|2-34]] you dipshit–”

[[“I’m transgender.” |2-35]]

The response came from behind Carol. [[She turned around.|2-36]]

Sofia wouldn’t meet her eye, hiding her face underneath her white tennis visor. “Okay? [[Are you happy now?|2-37]] Are you all happy that it’s out in the open?”

[[Heather bent her head over the side of the boat and retched. |2-38]]

[[The boat wobbled and rocked from side to side. |2-40]]

Carol looked up and saw Hannah standing, facing the rest of the crew. She cleared her throat. “Guys. GUYS. Why don’t we all just ignore the transgender thing for now, okay? We’re in the middle of nowhere, we can’t call for help, and we’re arguing over whether it’s okay for someone to be transgender? What does that matter right now? If you love transgenders, if you hate transgenders, [[I don’t give a shit!|2-41]] Let’s just fucking get OUT OF HERE and then we never have to speak to each other EVER AGAIN, O…”

“Oh now is that really necessary Heather?” Carol was sick of the girl in front of her’s bullshit. “Is it really so disgusting? That you share a boat with a trans woman? You’re going to throw up about that? YOU disgust ME, okay? [[I hope I never see your face again|2-39]], Heather Wolfe.”

Carol’s focus drifted upward from Hannah to the… [[thing|2-42]] rising above her.

It had a face like if you tried to transplant a fish’s face onto a human skull, with bloodshot red eyes, and a smile full of [[sharp, yellow teeth|2-43]].

[[And, most striking to Carol, thick, gray tentacles for hair that seemed to shimmer in the sunlight. |2-44]]

[[It curled over Nat’s head and descended onto Hannah, opening its mouth wide. |2-45]]

Blood splattered across the boat, coating Nat and Elma, as the creature severed Hannah’s head from her body and swallowed it whole. [[Carol screamed.|2-46]]

Nat yelled to row and Carol did exactly that as the monster dragged Hannah’s body into the water. Blood percolated into the river, turning it darker and darker. Nat screamed out a beat to follow in Hannah’s absence, her voice quickly growing hoarse as the boat charged through the cloudy waters. Tentacles grabbed at it, slowing down their already slow speed as their manpower had been halved. Sofia and Carol tried to keep the boat steady as the creature followed, tunneling through the water at an impressive speed. [[It was going to catch up to them.|2-47]] There was no way that it wouldn’t.

And water kept spilling into the shell on Carol’s side, [[cold and dark|2-48]].

The boat jostled violently; it was too bow-heavy, and with only Elma’s rowing power on the stern end it was getting harder and harder to control. Carol was trying her best to help with bow, but it wasn’t enough, and one well-timed grab of the lip near Taline’s former seat [[pulled the entire shell underwater|2-49]].

[[Two appendages grabbed Heather and Elma and pulled them deep under the surface. |2-50]]

Something thick wrapped around Carol’s waist and she grabbed at it, tried to pry it off to no avail, she was dragged backwards, down, she couldn’t breathe, [[she couldn’t breathe|2-51]].

[[The world went black.|2-52]]

[[The world went white. |2-53]]

[[Carol coughed. |2-54]]

[[She rolled over on the dirt, coughing and vomiting out water all over herself. |2-55]]

She was soaked, freezing, and [[alive|2-56]].

[[The sun shone overhead. |2-57]]

[[The river flowed to her left. |2-58]]

[[The monster was nowhere to be seen.|2-59]]

Carol and the others traced it back to the start of the race. (set: $Carol to 0) [[return.|landing]]

[[Well, she just couldn’t help being an Aries, could she? |3-3]]

Heather was only a freshman, but had been on the varsity crew team in high school, which counted for something. She was the youngest and boldest on the team, and she had so many ideas on how they as a collective could improve. Early on in training, the coach had pulled her aside and told her that maybe it was better she stop bringing up how her high school had done things. So she kept those thoughts to herself. Still, she wanted to feel important. She wanted to feel needed. [[She wanted to bring her team to a win.|3-4]]

The rowing marathon was one of the most difficult and prestigious rowing events in the country, with a long and grueling course that few dared try. She was surprised Coach had even wanted the team to do it. She knew they didn’t do it every year, so she really had to seize this opportunity [[by the balls|3-5]].

That was why she found it such a slap in the face when she’d heard about the [[men|3-6]] from Northern U who wanted to compete in the women’s division.

She’d read it on Twitter the night before, saw the comments cheering for them as if it was a success story. Heather saw nothing to cheer for. It wasn’t fair. Men were born stronger than women, everyone knew that. It was basic biology class. Why was the organization letting them cheat like this? They should have to compete against the men. [[How was any woman supposed to perform like this? |3-7]]

Her gut feelings proved to be right. The race started with a bang, and near instantly the Northern U team pulled ahead of them. [[Heather saw red. |3-8]]

There was nothing more demoralizing than competing against a [[cheater|3-9]].

It just wasn’t fucking fair. She couldn’t believe they’d let [[men do this to her|3-10]] and her team personally. It was completely fucked.

She started pushing the pace faster, trying to beat them out, at least for the moment. She knew it would be a futile effort but she had to at least [[try to prove|3-11]] that girls could beat boys.

Nat yelled out to follow Hannah’s pace but Heather rowed as hard as she could. The boat slowed down, more and more, as no one could agree on a pace, Taline and Beetie started arguing about something up ahead and the last of Heather’s dreams of a trophy or medal or any sort of glory were dashed as the boat began shaking more and more, vibrating underneath her as the river picked up in pace and carried them down a strange fork in the path that Heather didn’t remember ever seeing before. Carol was screaming behind her. “Christine! Oh my god Christine, she caught a crab, we have to find her!” The whole crew jumped into a panic. “Where is she? Do you see her?” “Where are //we//? I don’t remember this route.” “Oh my god are we lost?” “Does anybody see Christine?” Heather kept rowing, they were down a member, but maybe this route was a shortcut and they’d be able to cut ahead of the Northern U team. She could only hope so, anyway. Hannah asked if they should pull over and Heather shouted that they had to keep going to win. Beetie turned around once again, this time speaking louder. “Or else what? Scared you’re going to lose to… [[you know|3-12]].”

Heather wanted to scream “Yes! Yes I am! Is that so wrong? Is it so wrong to want to win at my own sport? Is it so wrong to feel cheated out of a win because another team decided they can just dress men up as women and let them compete?” [[But Nat’s voice rang out before she could formulate her response.|3-13]]

“Let’s just pick up the pace and get out of here! Christine’s a strong swimmer, she’ll be okay.” Nat blocked the sun out of her eyes with one hand and analyzed the strange river around her. “This fork should lead us back to the main river. Carol, you’re on bow. Pull her oar into the boat so it doesn’t drag. Beetie, skip strokes. We’re uneven, make sure we don’t drift.” [[Heather nodded. At least they were going somewhere. |3-14]]

[[Not fast enough, though. |3-15]]

Things were falling apart. The team was sloppy. Heather’s bangs stuck to her forehead with sweat. Sofia dropped her oar into the water with a loud crunch and a splash and Heather wanted to kick her. How was everything going wrong?? “First Christine, now Sof’s oar,” Taline groaned, “Jesus Christ… We’re never beating Northern. This is so embarrassing…” “Do you think they rigged it against us?” “Girls, shut it.” Nat called out from stern. “Beetie, go back to matching pace. [[Sofia, sit–”|3-16]]

Something slimy and wet slithered up Heather’s arm, and she shrieked. It was gross it was gross it was [[//so gross//|3-17]] and she didn’t get a good look at it but it left a weird wet residue on her skin and she thought she was going to vomit.

“Maybe it was one of those [[//trannies//|3-18]] you’re so worried about.”

[[Beetie just didn’t know when to shut her mouth.|3-19]]

“Come on Heather, they’re allllll around you. Isn’t that what you’re so scared of? [[Trannies in women’s spaces?|3-20]]”

The race became a complete blur for Heather, as she tried to process what Beetie had said. Taline clearly processed it faster, as a fight broke out, Taline grabbing the other girl’s hair and screaming slurs at her. Everyone was shouting, yelling, the shell jostling as Heather got soaked with water. The boat leaned dangerously far to one side as [[two girls slipped into the river|3-21]].

[[The world was quiet, for a moment. |3-22]]

[[And then Nat screamed ROW!|3-23]]

The team exploded into action. Heather watched Sofia get down on her knees and scoot forward into Taline’s seat. Tentacles reached up to grab the lip of the boat, and Heather shrieked, grabbing her oar and trying to paddle away as quickly as possible. She tried to keep eyes on the monster as it gave chase, but [[lost sight|3-24]] of the tentacles as they slid back beneath the surface.

Carol yelled out from behind Heather that she needed help with bow and Heather’s arms burned, her chest heaved, she didn’t know what to do or what was going on and snapped out a “What the fuck do you want me to do about it?” “I don’t know, climb behind me! Help stabilize things, something!” “Are you fucking crazy?” “We’re going to fucking capsize and drown, just help!” “Heather, Carol, duck. I’ll take bow.” Heather looked up and saw Sofia crouching over her, holding the lip of the boat in her hands. “Are you crazy?” “Yes, now duck!” Heather bit her tongue and pulled her oar out of the water, flattening herself as much as possible so Sofia could carefully climb over her head, one leg following the other as her spandex shorts brushed against the top of her head. “Heather!” She heard Nat’s voice call, distantly, from stern. “Stop rowing, we’re off balance.” She didn’t need to be told twice. She was dizzy, headachy, and the turbulence had made her nauseous. She grew terrified that she was going to lose her breakfast. She slumped over, [[grabbing her water bottle and choking some down|3-25]].

The air grew hotter as the boat stilled. Heather wiped sweat off her forehead. It was unbearable out here. Everything about this race was a mess. She tried to reorganize her thoughts, figure out what happened, Taline was screaming slurs at Beetie who pulled her off the boat, why did she pull her off the boat, why was she screaming slurs, was it because [[she was…|3-26]]

[[She|3-27]] was…

[[Her stomach dropped.|3-28]]

[[//He//|3-29]] was.

//That// was why Taline attacked her. This was too much. [[This was all too much.|3-30]]

Sofia began to wail for their downed teammates from her spot at the bow, a mournful wail that was infectious. It was heavy with the weight of the tragedies that had struck, and Heather began to [[wail|3-31]] as well, and soon everyone was joining in.

#[[Christine!|3-32]]

#[[Taline!|3-33]]

#[[Beetie!|3-34]]

[[Beetie??|3-35]]

[[“No! It’s her fault.”|3-36]]

Heather jumped at the darkness in Carol’s voice when she responded. “What the fuck did you just say?” She doubled down, not fully certain in her theory but needing someone to blame. None of this would’ve happened if //they// had just been forbidden from being in a women’s race, as should’ve been the case. “I said, this is her fault! Taline wouldn’t have fought her–HIM, if he wasn’t, you know,” “Transgender.” Sofia kept her voice low, “So that’s how you see things.” “I…” Heather stammered, sticking to her guns, “I see things how they are. Beetie killed Taline! It’s his fault she’s dead! And,” She grasped at straws, “Probably his fault Christine’s dead too!” Hannah interrupted, her voice ringing out. “No. Enough. ENOUGH. [[Beetie isn’t the trans one here you dipshit–”|3-37]]

[[“I’m transgender.” |3-38]]

[[Heather turned around, eyes wide, at Sofia’s confession.|3-39]]

(link-reveal:"Sofia??")[ (link-reveal:"Sofia who had been sitting in front of her for every race.")[ (link-reveal:"Sofia who had always seemed so feminine. ")[ Sofia, whose [[crotch|3-40]] had rubbed against Heather’s head during her climb to bow just earlier that day.]]]

[[The seasickness combined with Heather’s disgust and she threw her torso over the side of the boat and heaved. |3-41]]

(link-reveal:"A man.")[(link-reveal:" A man sitting in front of her on the boat.")[(link-reveal:" A man sharing their spaces")[(link-reveal:", their locker rooms.")[(link-reveal:" He must’ve rubbed his crotch on her head on purpose")[(link-reveal:", that had to be it")[(link-reveal:", that was so horrible")[(link-reveal:", so disgusting")[(link-reveal:", Heather lost her lunch again")[(link-reveal:" and again")[(link-reveal:" and again")[(link-reveal:", she couldn’t believe this was happening to her")[(link-reveal:", sweat dripped down every inch of her skin as she vomited again")[(link-reveal:", it pooled all around the side of the ship")[[[ before sinking deep into the ocean below.|3-42]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]

She vaguely registered Hannah making some sort of announcement, before the sound of a [[massive collective scream|3-43]].

She lifted herself back up as best as she could but her head spun, the girls were rowing and she tried to row too, she tried to see what was going on, was Elma covered in blood? They were moving fast and barely moving all it seemed, and Heather couldn’t tell if she was hallucinating or not when a tentacle grabbed hold of the side of the boat and began pulling it (link-reveal:"down")[ (link-reveal:"down")[ (link-reveal:"down")[ [[until she plunged into the water. |3-44]]]]]

[[She barely had any energy to thrash about anymore.|3-45]]

[[Something wrapped tightly around her waist and squeezed as it pulled her deeper.|3-46]]

[[Heather closed her eyes.|3-47]]

And the world went black. (set: $Heather to 0) [[return.|landing]]

The river was a long drive away for the team, but for Nat, it was only a short walk from where her grandmother had lived before she passed. When she visited, her grandmother used to take her down to the river in the early mornings and they’d watch the races together. The marathon was always her favorite. They’d watch all the teams set off, have a picnic consisting of BLTs with too much mayo and homemade lemonade, and then drive down to the finish line and watch the racers complete their journeys. She’d once asked her grandmother if they could make lemonade for all the racers, and it became a yearly tradition to hand out dixie cups of the sweet liquid for free. Racers drenched in sweat would thank her profusely–one once told her it was the thing he was looking forward to most while [[on the water|3]].

[[The first time Nat cried here was after her grandmother kicked her out.|4]]

It was after midnight, she was in high school, visiting for a few days, and she thought her grandmother was asleep. She’d been watching YouTube tutorials on her phone: how to draw winged eyeliner, facial feminizing contour, how i do my makeup to pass. She was standing in the bathroom, applying products to her face, when her grandmother opened the door. She supposed it was her fault for not locking it. Nat had nightmares about the words her grandmother said to her on that night sometimes. Screaming that she wasn’t going to let her grandson become a faggot, grabbing the makeup and throwing it into the toilet. [[Nat ran for the river.|5]]

[[Her grandmother didn’t bother giving chase.|6]]

She ran for the river and she collapsed next to it and stared at her reflection, hair too short, mascara running down her face as her tears [[dripped into the water|7]].

[[Deep below the surface, a tongue flicked out, and tasted salt.|8]]

The next time she was back in town was for her grandmother’s funeral. She didn’t even want to come. Not after what had happened. But her parents made her and, to add insult to injury, made her wear a suit. It was hot and itchy and a bit too big and she hated how she looked in it, just like how she hated how she looked in most boy clothes, and she thought she was going to cry and so found a moment, after her grandmother’s body made it into the ground, to go back down to the river. She put a hand into the light gray water, let the cold temperature chill her to the bone. She wondered how far the river went. How unrealistic stealing a boat and running away would be. It was a tempting plan even as her brain screamed out all matter of practicalities. What would she do once she docked? Where would she go? Her eyes welled up with tears, and they [[dripped into the water|9]], one by one, percolating downstream as they escaped to where she could not.

[[Deep below the surface, a pair of nostrils flared. |10]]

Nat saw the bubbles first, then a tentacle rising out of the water. She scooted backwards on the dock, wary, as more and more tentacles rose out, thick, shimmering slightly underneath the clouds. One of them slowly, excruciatingly slowly, made its way toward her face. All her senses were telling her to run, but some other force kept her in place. She would later wonder if it was a sheer lack of self-preservation due to years of depression, or if she was just frozen in place by fear. Or if something more supernatural was occurring. [[It reached for her cheek and wiped off a tear. |11]]

Nat didn’t know what gave her the impulse to do this, but she got on her knees and leaned forward, lifting her hands to [[hold the end of the tentacle|12]].

The two remained there for hours, Nat’s tears silently falling into the water as [[the creature below|13]] lapped them up.

[[This developed into a strange, symbiotic relationship.|14]]

Nat moved out the moment she turned 18, took a gap year before college to get HRT and a legal name change, and bought a cheap used car, which she used to drive to the river whenever she needed to. Her [[emotional release|15]] was its food.

[[In this way, they helped each other.|16]]

When the team trained on this river, she made sure to never cry. She didn't want them to see it, to know it existed. She’d never done crew prior to college, but had always been small, and talked to the coach directly about taking the role of coxswain. She wasn’t a natural leader by any means, always having been small and on the quieter side, but he saw her passion and agreed to train her for the role. She was always amicable with the other girls, albeit not much more than that. Some of them had an edge to them that made her afraid she’d get cut if she got too close. She spent some time drinking with Hannah, who she felt she needed to be tight with to lead to a stronger cox-stroke pair. But after she made a comment about Hannah’s Harry Potter posters and Hannah asked her what was so wrong with them, her secret came tumbling out of her mouth. She could tell Hannah was trying to be supportive. But the questions she asked were invasive, and she didn’t like having to trust her to keep it from the rest of the team, or from the entire school. [[So, it wasn’t easy to look at her the same way after that night.|17]]

Hannah was the one who alerted her to the TERFs coming to the race. Something about Northern U having openly trans women on their team. She had a hunch, from her interactions with the team, what the reaction would be. Heather and Taline would be cunts about it. Elma, Christine, and Sofia wouldn’t care. Hannah would give her knowing glances all day while trying to both sides the situation. Carol… might actually be cool about it. Nat wasn't sure. That was a minimum of seven people who Nat was about to spend the day leading down the river who weren’t going to stand by her if her secret was found out. She’d told them to arrive and warm up on their own. It was a bit of a strange order, especially with such a huge race and a history of always warming up as a team. But she knew the day was going to be hard for her, and knew that leading them in warmups on top of handling her own emotional state was going to be a challenge. Already, she could feel the [[tears forming|18]] as she made her place onto the boat.

Being coxswain was about responsibility. She was always in command. She was the only one who could look forward, see where the boat was going; she had to navigate while imparting speed instructions onto Hannah while staying on the lookout for any potential danger. [[She was in charge of everyone’s safety. |19]]

[[But no one would step up to ensure hers. |20]]

The race started with a bang and Nat focused herself on the tiller, letting Hannah set pace whiles he made sure that the team didn’t run into any of the other boats flying down the river. She caught Taline speeding up and Heather following suit and felt the boat begin to rock back and forth and resisted the urge to just put her head in her hands and give up so early into the race. “Follow Hannah’s pace, ladies!” She finally called out. Taline yelled back. “Set the pace faster!” Which prompted Beetie to turn around and make some comment that clearly pissed off the people behind her and Nat just watched as everybody on her team fell more and more out of sync. The boat rocked more and more and they were slowing down and Nat struggled to understand how what was supposed to be a team effort became… this. A [[tear|21]] fell down her cheek.

Nat saw, behind the bow, a [[pair of tentacles|22]] reaching out from the water.

[[And she decided to let them have their way.|23]]

[[…|24]]

With only half the team left and tentacles lining the boat, it was only a matter of time before the boat capsized violently. Nat got one big gasp of air before getting flung [[under the water|25]].

She saw Heather and Elma’s bodies get dragged deep below the surface, but when a tentacle went for Carol, she remembered what the two had said to Heather earlier, and knew she had to [[stop it|26]].

She’d only ever seen [[the creature’s face|27]] once before the voyage. It didn’t seem to like the surface, much preferred the cool depths of the river. But she’d been sobbing and sobbing and sobbing and she heard a splash and it had reared its head out of the water.

[[Its face looked human. |28]]

It had leaned in, cautiously, scales glistening as water dripped off. Hiding its teeth behind a pair of soft lips, it had [[licked the tears off|29]] of her cheeks.

Nat had always loved being in the water, loved its coolness on her [[skin|30]].

She kicked herself towards [[the creature’s face|31]], saw the rows of teeth, the bloodshot eyes, the tentacles menacingly maneuvering through the water.

[[She cupped its face in both hands and let the last of her tears fall down her cheeks.|32]]

It leaned closer, glided its tongue across her face, and then came closer still and gave her [[a kiss|33]].

[[The monster carried her, Sofia, and Carol to shore. |34]]

The other two had passed out–likely from lack of oxygen. Somehow, Nat knew they would be fine. She spread their bodies onto the grassy riverbank and [[turned back to the monster|35]].

It blinked at her, and [[shed a tear of its own|36]] before returning into the depths.

[[The sun shone overhead. |37]]

[[The river flowed calmly.|38]]

The others awoke, and joined Nat in tracing the river back to the start of the race. (set: $Nat to 0) [[return.|landing]]