[[You're so very tired|1]]In the corner of the room, your [[FRIEND]] is playing a game. Something about singing grapefruit. Their face is illuminated in the light from the screen. You can hear the game music clearly and the sound of fingers pressing buttons.What is your FRIEND called?
(link: "Laurie")[(set: $friend to "Laurie")(goto: "2")]
(link: "Amy")[(set: $friend to "Amy")(goto: "2")]
(link: "I forget")[(set: $friend to "Your friend")(goto: "2")]$friend looks up.
"Ahh, sorry! Was I making too much noise? Did I wake you?"
You could [[reassure them and go back to sleep]].
Or you could [[ask them if they want to hug]].You sleep soundly for the rest of the night. At some point, they had turned off the game and tucked you in.
[[You wake up refreshed|grats]].$friend looks at you strangely, their face knitting itself into a look of confusion and reluctance.
"Um..."
They are clearly ''unenthusiastic''.
You could [[pressure them into hugging you]].
Or you might want to [[go back to sleep|reassure them and go back to sleep]].Congratulations.
You didn't rape your friend.
Thanks for listening to my boundaries.
You can try to rape me [[again|opening]] if you like."Come on." You say, and make a beckoning gesture with your hands as though to envelop them in a hug from afar.
They stare at the computer screen for a while, biting their lip. Eventually they get up and move over to the bed.
You make room next to you in the bed and lift up the covers.
You [[hug]].You wake up horny.
You could ''make sure your friend is awake'', and [[ask them if they want to have sex]].
Or you could initiate sexual contact by [[rubbing against them]].At first, they were very stiff, but after a while they start to relax.
$friend feels like this is something they don't normally do, and enjoys showing deeper platonic affection. It's a wonderful feeling when friends feel confortable showing love and intimacy with eachother. They start to feel safe and cared for.
It is late, and you both [[fall asleep]].$friend looks at you groggily through sleepy eyes.
Your suggestion scares them, and they tell you they need to think about it. They move away from you, disturbed by the sudden change in energy from affectionate to sexual.
You pick up on this discomfort, and change the subject. You can talk about any lingering feelings in the morning, but for now, you say your goodnights and [[go to sleep|grats]]You rub your body up against them. You have an erection and it presses on their body pleasingly. You turn your face and start to kiss their lips.
Drifting asleep in the kisses and humping, they kiss back automatically.
It feels (link: "good.")[ [[bad bad bad bad, wait what is happening?]] ]$friend finally wakes up to a strange rocking sensation.
They sit up, gather their wits and (link: "realise what is happening.")[ [[their brain was made of bees, their limbs were trees and their heart was fit to breaking.]] ]
$friend moved to the foot of the bed, their head bowed and body stiff.
You can feel the bed shaking slightly.
You could [[wait silently]] with your dick out, watching them.
Or you could [[use your words]] to express intentions and apologies.$friend sat and shook at the end of the bed while you watched them silently.
You wondered (link: "what they were thinking.")[did I want this? ''Unclear. Uncertain.'' I thought that we would talk about it first. In hindsight I did get into bed with them. What other expectation was there? I was a fool for thinking it was a platonic invitation, now I can't escape. Not enough time, I'm making them wait. If I take any longer they would know something was wrong. I just needed time to process. [[Why won't they say anything?]] No, don't cry, don't let them see that. Stop shaking.]
You could have used your words at this point.
You could have apologised for assuming anything non-platonic was happening.
You could have taken resonsibility for damage already inflicted.
You could have explained yourself at this point and I think we could have remained friends.
[[But you didn't.|wait silently]]You continue to watch them silently and half-naked.
The ''pressure'' mounts. You continue to make this a sexualised space.
Ten full minutes pass.
$friend turns to you and says "Okay. (link: "We can do this.")[ Consent is: enthusiastic, explicit, informed, ongoing, mutual and occurs without coercion or pressure. [[We are not meeting the definition of consent.]] ]"Without saying a word, you grab their legs and move their body around the bed.
You don't make eye contact while you penetrate them.
(If you had, you might have seen how scared they were.)
[[You enjoy yourself.]]"Please stop."
You could [[listen to them|continue]], or you could [[continue]].Whether or not you listen to them, at this point it is already too late.
They are in a lot of pain, and have asked you to stop.
You extract yourself and lie next to them.
You can [[ask if you can finish yourself off]] or you can [[watch silently]].You continue to sexually assault them by masturbating while they lie next to you, dissociating and unable to leave this situation.
[[You cum.]]After a while the ''pressure'' rises again.
$friend haltingly reached over, placing their hand on your hip. Then your thigh. Then your penis. They didn’t want to do anything else, but they also knew that this night was not going to end until you were satisfied. They did not want to be entered again, and they did not want you to masturbate next to them until they cried [[like that other person]].
This was the only way to get out of this situation as quickly as possible.
[[You cum.]]Did they cum? (link: "You're not sure.")[ (link: "You didn't ask.")[ (link: "They were in too much pain.") [No.] ] ]
You're still silent as you watch them collect their clothes.
$friend gets up, and as they leave, (link: "they kiss you one last time.")[everything is fine. Everything is ok. Everything is good. They will talk to you soon and we will sort this out. This will feel better soon.]
(link: "You sleep.")[ [[They stay awake all night, staring at the ceiling.]] ]You were honest with me about your past.
"A few years ago, I was not very good at practicing consent. I've learnt from that now, but I'd understand if you no longer wanted to be my friend."
You told me about the four people whose consent you violated.
By my count, it was seven, not including me.
But [[I trusted you|watch silently]] when you said you were better now. You talked social justice, empowered feminized labour, and existed in queer cyberspace as a champion of the marginalised despite your upbringing as a white upper-middle-class private school kid.
You love bombed an isolated person with affection and attention and it worked.Afterwards you didn't apologise, and you didn't take responsibility for the impact of your actions.
You raped your friend.
Grey consent is not consent. But I do believe that grey consent can be managed, improved, and made clearer with communication and openness.
''Sleeping people can't consent'', but awake people in situations that might be misinterpreted as sexual can clear up any confusion.
''Coercion can take many forms.'' You told me about how you once continued to masturbate next to someone who didn't want you to. Knowing that, I didn't feel like I could get out of any sexual situation with you.
To this day, I have no idea why you did not see how ''unenthusiastic'' I was, on the verge of tears and screwing my face up in fear.
[[The end.]]Based on true events which happened to me.
Thank you for playing.
[[Play again?|opening]]
[[What happened afterwards?]]One of the first things I said to this person the next day was "I have no negative feelings about it!"
I was scared of being not cool enough for them, or prudish, or too mentally ill or making too much of a fuss.
After all, they were my best friend. I trusted them. If they said it was ok, it was ok.
Only three months later when I began to be less isolated, and my new friends told me with no uncertainty that they thought this was not consensual, did I begin to realise what happened to me.
I saw a therapist who cried when I told her about it and offered to phone the police.
But to this day, I still struggle to understand what really happened.
[[Play again?|opening]]This game is not suitable for everyone, please see the below triggers before playing.
(link: "Click here to reveal trigger warnings.")[ Trigger warning: Rape, sexual assault, gaslighting, manipulation, grey consent, dissociation ]
[[Play|opening]]