The Package

//Made by Edward "More dead ends than an old Sierra game!" Robrahn// You are a mere delivery... Er... AFGNCAAP, let's go with that. A delivery person. You have been assigned a package. A very important one, not to be opened under any circumstances. This is underlined, bolded, italicized and highlighted by your manager, who tells you the address and begins to usher you out of his office. [[Open the package.|PACK1]] [[Leave the office.]]

You are summarily disembowled by a wild cougar. Your boss shares the same fate moments later. You would wonder how on earth a cougar got in there, but as it is, you're dead.

Not one to question authority, you leave the manager's office, heading towards the front. The post office is busy as always in this city, You stop to think about what you should do next. [[Open the package.|PACK2]] [[Ask a co-worker for help.|ROUTE1]] [[Just leave, you'll figure it out.|ROUTE2]]

The police take the package, commending you on a job well done. Your boss gets arrested. You don't know why.

The package is empty. You blink, having sworn it was heavier than this. You decide to quit your delivery job.

You ring the doorbell, depositing the package on the porch. You don't have to have someone sign for it, so you just head back to the post office. Of course, you are unaware of the person who immediately nabs it off the porch because of this. You wouldn't care, though. It'd be their problem at that point.

"Good choice." The stranger takes the case, tossing you a stack of cash. You go to catch it, and the stranger just seems to... vanish. You shrug, and go home.

You ask a friend and fellow co-worker how to get to the address. He rattles off a litany of directions, and you manage to write the important ones down so you can remember them. You thank him for the help. [[Open the package.|PACK3]] [[Leave the post office.|ROUTE1 - Leave]]

You leave the post office. Trusting your instincts most of the time doesn't seem to have worked out. You don't know where you are. The package rumbles. [[Open the package.|ROUTE=2]] [[Look at the package.|ROUTE2-1]]

You hand the package over to the mafia. They let you leave. Somehow, your boss isn't angry in the slightest. He gives you another priority package to deliver, and you do so, as normal.

You open the package... ...what the heck is a "Lardcone"? And why You and your co-worker both try one. It's... not that good. You re-seal the package and vow to not speak of this, thanking your lucky stars nobody noticed.

A League Of Superfluous Superheros rep takes the package, nodding at you before flying off, leaving the others to send you back to 'your dimension', such as it is. You still wonder what's in that box, but at least you still have your job, thanks to their support staff placating your boss. A check arrives in the mail a few days later, with about a thousand dollars being paid straight to you. A letter attached to it invites you to come visit their dimension sometime, but you're going to decline for now. Really, you're just happy enough you got the one grand. That ordeal was just about enough adventure for a month.

You attempt to make your escape through the nearest window, but your flight is cut short by several rounds entering your ribcage. They take the package by force.

You exit the post office, making your way down towards the address through the bustling city. A familiar friend waves you down partway through. "Yo, if you're coming down this way, don't bother. Some event's made a whole part of the city go absolutely insane. Can't even use the sidewalks. I'm heading home." A quick check over his shoulder confirms this. You thank him, then wonder what to do. [[Open the package.|ROUTE1PACK]] [[Try and find a way through the traffic.|ROUTE1A]] [[Just give up and go home.|ROUTE1B]]

You open the package, dropping it as a slew of zoo animals pour out of it You manage to make your escape as the mafia try to deal with the onslaught of animals, hitching a ride on a passing rhinocerous who's likely just as scared as you are and successfully escaping. You quit your job shortly afterwards.

Trying to find a way through the chaos, you are ambushed in an ally by the local mafia. You are brought before their boss, who demands the package. [[Open the package.|EVIL=1]] [[Give them the package.|EVIL1]] [[Try to escape.|EVIL-1]]

"Suit yourself. Your destination's a couple blocks north." The stranger vanishes just as soon as he appeared. [[Open the package|TRUTH-1PACK]] [[Finally drop off the package.||BORING1]]

You open the package. Everything goes white. "Greaaaat, kid. Nice job listening." The world returns to normal in front of your eyes. You blink, look around... And eat a right hook to the face. When you come to, whoever slugged you is gone. Ow.

You run into a police blockade. They demand you give the package to them. [[Open the package.|GOOD=1]] [[Give them the package.|GOOD1]] [[Book it.|GOOD-1]]

You continue south for a few blocks. The insanity of the inner city gives way to quiet suburbs. Then, you hear a voice behind. "Lost?" You turn, and the stranger was standing a few feet behind you. He "Alright, let me give it to you straight. You've been assigned a package that my... employers would wish to keep safe. I'm not authorized to take it by force, but I do have to ask for it. And for goodness' sake, don't open it." [[Open the package.|TRUTH=1]] [[Give him the package.|TRUTH1]] [[Keep the package.|TRUTH-1]]

You open the package. Inside is a live cat. The real criminal walks up beside you. "Huh. Talk about a case of mistaken identity." He is summarily tackled.

You attempt to leg it, only to get tackled to the ground by police officers. They book you on resisting arrest and several other charges, but are cleared a few months later and released. You never do learn what the package contained.

You open the package. It's empty... When you look back up, the stranger is gone. But so is everyone else, no matter how hard you look. The enormity of it takes a while to sink in.

You manage to wade through a lot of the chaos, only to find even more chaos ahead. [[Open the package.|ROUTE1APACK]] [[Keep going.|IMPASSE1]] [[Screw that, this delivery job isn't worth it.|ROUTE1B]]

You find a route through most of the carnage, but find three paths through the rest. [[Open the package.|IMPASS=1]] [[Go north.|EVIL1C]] [[Go east.|GOOD1C]] [[Go south.|TRUTH1C]]

You just toss the package on the ground and go home. You honestly don't care. You find another job, and life goes on as normal.

You open the package. The chaos only multiplies, with several hundred thousand bouncy balls of various shapes and sizes spilling out into the streets. You get buried under the avalanche.

The opening of the package takes out the grand majority of the city. Including you.

You open the package. Everything goes dark. Someone screams "WHO TURNED OFF THE ******* LIGHTS?!" Whoops.

You look down at the box. It's empty. You look back up, and... ...you're still in the city, but not as you know it. It looks rather futuristic now. Hey, at least you're on the street you need, now. [[Open the package.|ROUTE2=1]] [[Keep going.|IMPASSE2]]

You open the package, and a puppy peeks out of the box. Your heart warmed, you safely take the puppy to the address. You're just glad you figured it out this quickly- the package was sealed tight! The old lady you give it to grouches about the conditions the poor thing was put in, but thanks you for delivering the puppy safely regardless. You have a nice cup of tea with her and the four other dogs she has -shelter adoptions, like the puppy you just delivered. =========== Back at the post office, your boss is summarily fired and arrested for animal abuse. The new boss -surprisingly, a friend of yours- is much easier to deal with, and knows not to ship animals in sealed boxes.

You open the package and suddenly the League Of Superfluous Superheroes members present just... vanish. A YEET (they don't know what their acronym stands for, yeah.) member secrets you away. They take the package and it's contents and quietly escort you back to your home dimension.

You attempt to leave, but a YEET (yes.) member steals the package from you. Most of the League members resume fighting, while a couple do manage to get you safely home. You never know what was in that box.

You get to the address, but... it seems two groups of people have converged on this... public park to fight each other. Both notice you and the package, and stop fighting immediately, trying to get you to come to their side. [[Head towards the... heroes?|GOOD2C]] [[Head towards the... villains?|EVIL2C]]

The YEET member takes the package, then leaves with the rest. A member of the other side walks up to you. "Why?" You shrug.

You open the package, letting loose... An otter. One of the YEET members throws his hat on the ground in disgust. The other side just ushers you home.

One of the heroes steps forward. "Greetings, citizen! We are the League Of Superfluous Superheroes! You've got a very dangerous package which is dangerous in the wrong hands. Give it to us, and you'll be rewarded!" [[Open the package.|GOOD=2]] [[Give the rep the package.|GOOD2]] [[Turn around and leave.|GOOD-2]]

You approach what you think are the villains. One of them steps forward. "We are the Villains of YEET, and we humbly request the package, delivery person!" You ask what the heck YEET means, and he just shrugs. [[Open the package.|EVIL=2]] [[Give them the package|EVIL2]] [[Leg it.|EVIL-2]]

You open the package, and a bright flash emits from it... And you're back where you started. There is a snowglobe in the package. Looks similar to what you just saw. ... You decide to just get another job.

You run. You get vaporized by a stray death ray.