sleepless

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<img src="images/start.png"/> You’re lying in bed. The room is pitch-black; on the dresser, the clock reads 1:04. Your husband is sound asleep next to you, snoring softly. He’s the type that doesn’t wake up to anything. You’re used to sleeplessness by now. It’s been weeks since you stopped sleeping or feeling tired. The first few days, you would get up and do all sorts of activities while your family was asleep. Today, though, you’ve just been lying here. Trying to sleep, maybe. You’re not sure. [[get up]] [[get something to eat]] [[keep trying to sleep]]

<img src="images/getupread.png"/> You go to the living room and read until morning. You rarely had time to read before you stopped sleeping. Well, maybe you did, but you never used it to read. You wonder why. When your husband and child wake up, you prepare breakfast for them and see them off with a wave. It’s all part of your daily routine. You have it memorized by now: your child turns to wave, and you wave back. You smile. You wait for them to leave, then go back into the apartment and finish most of your housewife chores. You still have a few hours until your husband comes home for lunch. Plenty of time to go on an outing. [[go to the library]] [[go to the gym]]

<img src="images/kitchen.png"/> Nothing in the kitchen looks appealing. You crave food, but what kind, you can’t say for sure. You just know that it can’t be found in your fridge or anywhere in the apartment. You’re going to have to look elsewhere. … Do you even want to look elsewhere? [[go to the 24/7 grocery store around the corner]] [[force yourself to cook something]]

<img src="images/keeptrying.png"/> Sleep escapes you. You’re so awake that it feels like there’s a light shining behind your eyes. Despite the light and your constant tossing and turning, your husband sleeps through it all. You observe him. His face looks a little… off. [[look closer]] [[ignore him, keep trying to sleep]]

The closer you look, the stranger it gets. You’ve lived with your husband for years. He’s a good person, a bit bland, but he does good work. He makes good money and keeps you and your child well taken care of. Sometimes he goes out to work events and doesn’t come back for dinner, which you don’t mind because you get to make less food. You’ve been making food for him for so long. You know his tastes. You know him. But why does his face look so unfamiliar? You stop looking. You get up to go observe your child instead. That’ll calm you down. Right? As you look at your child’s sleeping face, you think of… <img src="images/lookcloser.png"/> [[youth]] [[family]]

<img src="images/ignorehim.png"/> Sleep escapes you. Your mind wanders to the night your sleeplessness first started. You squint at the ceiling, trying to remember the details. You think there was water, someone pouring water, maybe. Something was going to decay. Was it looking at you? Were they looking at you? The thought makes you uneasy, so you stop contemplating it. You do remember trying to scream, though. The sound never left your throat, instead rocking through your entire body. The sounds of water disappeared afterwards. And now you can't sleep. The parts of your body that touch the mattress are beginning to feel strange. No matter what position you shift into, you can't stay comfortable for more than a minute. [[keep trying to sleep->keep trying]]

<img src="images/youth.png"/> Something about his face bugs you, but you don’t think about it. You think about how youthful he is instead. He is your child. You love him. You repeat it like a mantra as you return to your bedroom and lie down. You love your child. You’ll make breakfast for him in the morning, along with your husband. Yes, you’ll do that, so why don’t you do something for yourself right now? There’s still a few hours until morning. You’re not going to be able to sleep anyway. [[get up...?->END 4]]

<img src="images/family.png"/> Family, yes. He reminds you of your mother-in-law and her son. Her son, or, in other words… Your husband. Something about your child's face seems off. Is that arrogance you see in his features? Whatever it is, seeing it feels strangely fulfilling, yet disheartening. It reminds you of your husband’s face. You can't muster up any love for your son. You can't see yourself in his face. Who is he? How did you spend so much of your life taking care of this boy, whose face is a stranger's? You get an urge to go— [[to the kitchen]] [[somewhere else->END 5]]

You want to get up. You do, but for some reason, you just… don’t. You lie there looking at the ceiling, feeling numbness crawl up your back. You call it the ceiling, but it’s really just a patch of black, a patch of no light. Not even the light behind your eyes can illuminate it. You keep staring. The black starts to swirl around you. Or maybe it doesn’t. You can’t tell. It keeps on swirling, the darkness looking motionless the whole time, until finally, You fall asleep. <img src="images/end4.png"/> You wake up when morning comes, go through your routine, and fall asleep the next night. Everything returns to the way it was before the wakefulness. A haze falls over you. Everything turns numb. (END 4/7)

<img src="images/end5.png"/> You go back to your bedroom, ignoring the man still sleeping away. You pack a briefcase full of books and clothes and gather up your money. Then you take it all to your car, get in, and drive away without a word. The roads are dark, and the lack of other people is calming. Your apartment that you lived in for years fades away behind you, and you find that you don’t feel much regret at all. The highway stretches ahead in front of you. As you drive on, you feel that if you ever fall asleep again, it will surely be more peaceful than it was before. (END 5/7)

<img src="images/kitchen.png"/> You go to the kitchen and pick up one of the dull knives without thinking, almost like a routine. You stay there for a moment. Everything is peaceful. [[observe knife]] [[go back->END 7]]

No, No—what are you thinking? You’ve never had thoughts like these before you stopped sleeping. Something is wrong. You put the knife back and lie in bed until morning. <img src="images/end6.png"/> The next night, you feel that same strangeness emanating from your husband again, but you ignore it. You keep ignoring these strange, frightening thoughts. But the longer you stay awake, the more intense they get… You still can’t sleep. (END 6/7)

You return to your bedroom. You stand over the man sleeping away in the bed, the knife held loosely between your fingers. So carefree. His face is still… He’s a good person, one who’s always been kind to you. But you don’t know him, and you can’t imagine why you would ever say you loved him. You’re so awake it feels like the whole world is ringing. The darkness around you feels different, almost liquid, as you tighten your grip on the hilt. You’re more awake than ever. <img src="images/end7.png"/> (END 7/7)

<img src="images/keeptrying2.png"/> You don’t want to sleep. Why should you, when all this time is yours? [[get up->you get up and change]] [[sleep->END 4]]

You try to start the engine, but it doesn’t catch. You turn the key, but all it does is make the car rattle uselessly. Outside, the figures keep hitting the other car. You quit turning the key; you don’t want them to turn their attention to you. You wonder what the person in the other car is doing. Their car isn’t starting either. It sputters, sometimes even roars, but it never goes anywhere. You watch as the headlights turn on, shining beams into the dark, doing nothing to reveal the figures attacking the car. <img src="images/end3.png"/> You can’t stop watching. You try to move, get out of the car or pick up your phone and call someone, but who would you call? Who would be awake enough to help? The figures keep hitting the car. You don’t move. Neither does the other driver. (END 3/7)

<img src="images/library.png"/> You read about sleep at the library. Seems like medical professionals wouldn’t be able to do anything about your sleeplessness. You don’t think you would want to go to them anyway. You enjoy the time your sleeplessness gives you. It’s getting close to lunchtime now. [[go home]]

<img src="images/gym.png"/> You take to the treadmills and run for an hour without breaks. The other people at the gym watch you, but you don’t care. You don’t feel tired at all. You feel more clear-headed than you’ve ever been. Afterward, you towel off in the changing rooms and observe yourself in one of the full-length mirrors. Your body looks better than it has in years. You’re practically shining. It’s getting close to lunchtime now. [[go home]]

<img src="images/gohome.png"/> You return home and make lunch for your husband. You sit through his small talk and give him generic responses. He doesn’t seem to notice. Your mind drifts to the book you were reading before he came back. You’d like to continue it, you think. Your husband says something about managing costs at the office; you don’t really hear the rest of what he says. [[wait for him to leave->END 1]]

<img src="images/end1.png"/> You tidy up and get the rest of your housewife duties done. With your remaining alone time, you read the rest of your book. Your life continues without regard for your sleeplessness. You go through the motions by day and indulge yourself at night, reading, playing games, going to nighttime events, all without your family noticing. They never notice how little effort you put into your interactions with them, either. You don’t really care. You feel better than ever. (END 1/7)

<img src="images/grocerystore.png"/> You walk to the 24/7 grocery store around the corner. Just seeing the fluorescent sign outside calms your stomach temporarily. The craving starts gnawing at you again as you browse the shelves. You buy some groceries, some treats for yourself, and some ingredients you’ve never used before. As you put the ingredients into your cart, your stomach settles down. What a relief. [[enjoy the walk back->END 1]]

<img src="images/forceyourself.png"/> You rummage through the fridge, but there really isn’t anything. Nothing you want to cook, at least. You try to make yourself cook, but you just can’t do it. Why should you force yourself, anyway? The night is yours. You can do whatever you want (besides sleep). You close the fridge and wander [[to the windows]] [[to the door]]

<img src="images/windows.png"/> The windows are fogged. That’s strange, you think. You wipe some of it away to peer outside. There’s not much to see besides darkness. You want to go outside, but you just can’t find the strength. [[keep wandering around the apartment]]

<img src="images/door.png"/> You stand in front of the door. You used to go out at night, back when you first stopped sleeping. Now, though, you can’t think of anything you’d do out there. (You don’t want to risk repeating what happened the last time you went out at night.) The door stands in front of you quietly. You don’t want to go out. [[keep wandering around the apartment]]

<img src="images/livingroom.png"/> You end up in the living room, with a growing hunger clawing away at your stomach. You ignore it and open the book you last read. The hunger keeps growing, drowning out more and more of your thoughts. Not a single word you read goes through. But there’s nothing else for you to do. [["read" until morning]]

<img src="images/end2.png"/> But you don’t. You get stuck in the routine. You do the same things all day and all night. Everything starts blending together. You still can’t sleep. You’re never tired, but every day is so draining. Time keeps passing. The hunger pangs are the only thing alerting you to the days going by. You can’t sleep. You keep looking at the door, at the windows. (END 2/7)

When morning comes, you do your housewife duties. You serve breakfast to your family, see them off, and do all your chores. You pace around and wait for your family to come back. At night, you can’t sleep, and you eventually stop trying to read. You’re too afraid to leave the apartment. Your cravings keep coming back, hollowing out your stomach until the sun rises. You don’t know what it is that you’re craving. No matter what you buy from the stores during the day, it never works to satisfy your hunger when night comes. You settle into an agonizing routine. <img src="images/routine.png"/> [[do something different->END 2]]

You get up and change out of your sleeping clothes. You exit the apartment, go to your car, and go driving into the night. Lights flash all around you, matching the one that keeps shining behind your eyes, keeping you awake like a splash of cold water. The sparseness of the other cars calms you. You drive for a while, then pull into a parking lot with a view. You watch the cars moving on the highway in the distance and think about how those drivers must still need to sleep eventually. What a shame they can’t be like you. (You don’t actually feel that bad. This wakefulness is yours.) <img src="images/getupdrive.png"/> As you’re sitting, you notice another car parked a few spaces away from yours, the driver inside sitting silently. Two dark figures approach the car. They start pounding on the windows. [[drive away->END 3]]

<img src="images/observeknife.png"/> You look at the knife’s dull blade. It’s the same blade that's been used in your daily routine over and over again. You usually use it to cut bread, or the occasional soft vegetable. You wonder how it would feel to drive it into something fresh. Meat, maybe? Not dead meat, though; meat that’s still breathing. You picture your husband, snoring softly in bed. He sleeps so deeply. Would he even wake up if he was stabbed? [[wait—->END 6]]