Think the Button Might'a Skipped a Beat...

Unfortunately for him (and anyone else unlucky enough to bump into you in their day-to-day), you were a reckless and impulsive man, if nothing else. So much so, you were surprised the rest of your colleagues hadn’t gotten around to nicknaming you, “Stanley ‘Impulsive’... …last name.” Yet. Point is, you had the patience of a child raised by the family Ipad. And the attention span too (if your waning interest in the Narrator's eloquent manifesto/treatise on the dual nature of player choice was any indication)! (if: $blue_unlocked is false)[The Skip Button](click-replace: "The Skip Button")[You were too entranced by the Narrator’s soothing tone and the hypnotic loop of his monologue to actually click the button in full. A perfectly understandable reaction, though it did freeze you in your tracks, and we certainly couldn't have that, now could we, Stanley?] (else:)[[The Skip Button->Blue Door]] [[You mulled over the situation, a far cry from your usual plan of action (ie. allowing your base instincts to drag you through your situation, the way rabies drags a confused, stumbling racoon into the ires of broad daylight). ->Red Door]]

Finger balancing //juuust// on the edge of the button, you hold your breath and note how difficult standing still, two feet flat on the floor, //actually// is. You wait for a hastily coded jumpscare or a crumbling “Still looking to outsmart me, Stanley? Haven’t you learned your...‘parable’ yet?”, followed up by emboldened insistence that just because //you// aren’t familiar with the word “parable’s” lesser known meaning (n. lesson or fable) doesn’t make it any less of a fan//tastic// pun, Stanley! You wait for him to lazily mention how being frozen in time renders your ability to shift weight from one side to the other utterly //useless//, your brain activity too still to accidentally raise a hand to a sweaty brow (But, how has he missed the twitch of your //eye//, though, the bulging vein above it, god, it’s almost //comical//-). You wait for a spare box or board to come sliding across the concrete at breakneck speed, buckling your knees for you. [[You wait for those dazzling smile lines to crumple in your honor, the way yours must whenever you ruin his fun! You wonder if the Narrator is losing his touch (the idea is not the comfort you expected it to be).]]

While the Narrator was a man of many, //many// words…he does his best to choose them with purpose and precision, always striving to maintin relevancy to his point and respect for your and the player’s time. Therefore, it stands to reason that the //sole// purpose of the Narrator's previous monologue, with its winding thoughts and blathering on’s, was to act as your opportunity to test the skip button. Nothing more. [Perhaps it's the completionist in you, perhaps it's the raw, overwhelming desire to ruin every semblance of coherent narrative I’ve ever attempted!...But you’re not satisfied with that answer, oh, goodness no. I can’t tell if it’s the (admittedly quite clever) loop I embedded into my words or the goofy voice I chose that…endears you, in some way (...if I had to guess. Based on context clues and those…traveling eyes of yours). Either way, once again, you are filled! To the brim, with that exasperating determination of yours! You wonder if you can get me to do it again.](click-replace: "Perhaps it's the completionist in you, perhaps it's the raw, overwhelming desire to ruin every semblance of coherent narrative I’ve ever attempted!...But you’re not satisfied with that answer, oh, goodness no. I can’t tell if it’s the (admittedly quite clever) loop I embedded into my words or the goofy voice I chose that…endears you, in some way (...if I had to guess. Based on context clues and those…traveling eyes of yours). Either way, once again, you are filled! To the brim, with that exasperating determination of yours! You wonder if you can get me to do it again.")[Those blasted eyes fall back to the button. Might as well take a crack at it while you're here. (set:$blue_unlocked to true)] [[This time, you raise your hand with intention and purpose (god, you must think you're so clever, it's practically nauseating)! ->Two Doors]]

A finger rises in vote of "manifesto" vs treatise [[(You knew he’d do the loop again!)]] and the Narrator wonders it too [[(Is that even allowed? Should the game be crashing right about now?)]]

You question the possibility before jamming a fist against the skip button, denying the Narrator before he can deny you (as always). [[reset->"Start"]]

Yes, well[[-]]

[[...]]

I'm- I'm so sorry, I- The code for this section of the game, well, I...I'm afraid we might've hit a few bugs, [[the visuals are-]]

No, actually, I will //not// [[“try again”-]] And don’t go making the buzzer sound at me, it’s //extremely// rude of you! I’m the one who gives all the buttons sound effects around here, your only job is to press them.

…Oh, for the love of- Because you are //not// my priority as the Narrator, Stanley! [[The player is!]] (set: $bouquet to false) (set: $collected to 0)

…Stanley. I should not have to explain my reasoning to you as if you were—pardon my french—a gaming [["noob"]]. The sentiment is perfectly self-explanatory, you just don’t like having to hear it, so you would rather plug your ears with your fingers and ask me “Why?” a billion times until you get a different answer, like the petulant //child// you //insist// on being-

(if: $white_picked is true)[] (else:)[ [...No, Stanley, please- No, I can assure you, I don’t see you as buggy code to be 'wrangled in', Stanley, I could never! I’ve considered you a valuable addition to The Stanley Parable’s colorful cast of characters, right up there with The Adventure Line and The Bucket Destroyer!](click-replace: "...No, Stanley, please- No, I can assure you, I don’t see you as buggy code to be 'wrangled in', Stanley, I could never! I’ve considered you a valuable addition to The Stanley Parable’s colorful cast of characters, right up there with The Adventure Line and The Bucket Destroyer!")[You know I still hold you in high regard //despite// your many anitics, don’t you?(set: $collected to $collected + 1, $white_picked to true)]] [[Return->"noob"]]

(if: $red_picked is true)[] (else:)[I mean, if it makes you feel any better, [I will say, learning an entire league from spare code in nothing but the few times I wasn't looking is certainly one of your more impressive achievements!](click-replace: "I will say, learning an entire league from spare code in nothing but the few times I wasn't looking is certainly one of your more impressive achievements!")[But certainly it's enough to have that testament to what you can accomplish when you //truly// put your mind to something that //isn’t// just…speedrunning the single-handed destruction of my game’s world and narrative structure, isn't it? No? Of course not, nothing is ever good for you.(set: $collected to $collected + 1, $red_picked to true)]] [[Return->"noob"]]

(if: $collected > 2)[(set: $bouquet to true) …Stanley…I’d like to begin by acknowledging that I’ve never //been// a player avatar before. [[Only a Narrator.]]] (else-if: $picked is true)[ [[Still!]] [[My remaining point stands.]]] (else:)[ …Okay, yes- Perhaps, you have a point about me watching my language, I will give you that! I would hate to give you or the player the impression that I am not a professional in every sense of the word.](click-replace: "…Okay, yes- Perhaps, you have a point about me watching my language, I will give you that! I would hate to give you or the player the impression that I am not a professional in every sense of the word.")[...Although, I don’t exactly peg you as the type to heed that warning yourself…(set: $collected to $collected + 1, $picked to true) [[Still!]] [[My remaining point stands.]]]

…That being said, I have always taken pride in my efforts to cultivate an office environment where everyone can feel fully comfortable sharing if… ...I-i should note that I have absolutely //zero// intentions of downplaying your diligent work as… ... …Stanley, I know I may come off as…harsh, at times, but I promise you, I’m only anxious to see you become the //brilliant// main character I know you can be, honest! … …Stanley…I...I do hope you feel...safe enough to tell me if I’m in any way…”stepping out of bounds”, so to speak, when I ask you this, but…is there any…particular reason you seem so averse to the idea of being my second highest priority? [[...Any reason you feel I should...know about, perhaps?]] Because I can assure you, it's no judgement on your own personal character-

Your name is Stanley. Despite the warmth and content you found in your many years of pressing buttons and awaiting the hourly email from your boss, you were even more pleased to find that the many twists and turns of your ever-evolving career had finally led you here: Listening to the Narrator elaborate further on his succinct, yet moving pitch for his brand new “Skip Button”! (set: $blue_unlocked to false) [[Who knew the corporate world could be this intellectually stimulating!->Two Doors]]

…No, no, no, no, that’s not what I envisioned for our- No- No, I don’t mean to imply that you need coddling, Stanley, o-or anything of the sort, I swear-...[[Stanley, what]] translation draft of my game did you find with //that// kind of foul language in it-

…Oh, no- Stanley, please, you must understand, I don’t wish to offend, really, I’m just looking to understand [[what I've done to make you so upset]], so that I can see to it propery, Stanley!

…But then, I said that //stupid// thing about the player, //lord//, I should’ve never said anything at all, it just- …Stanley, I don’t think the worst havoc you could ever create in this game could ever tear at my soul the way bearing witness to that…//mischievous// little fire in your eyes finally going out… …Stanley, please, I- … [[…I don’t want you for a second to think that the player being the most important part of this game means that you have not always been, and will always be, the most important part to me.]]

...[[Excuse me?]]

Oh, ha, ha, very funny. Should've know you'd ever known you'd have jokes the momment you learned how to communicate. Okay, so...Let me get this straight here.[[You learned as much sign language as you possibly could…to get to “know me”?]]

…Well..No, yes, I- I do suppose adding a skip button //would// give the player the ability to cut any…”conversations” of ours short, without your input, but- ...But, Stanley…what on god’s green earth could possibly need to know? I-I mean, I’m [[your]] Narrator, Stanley. There's nothing else too it!

...No, yes, I heard what you //said//, I'm not deaf! I just don't understand what [["I want you"]] is //supposed// to mean? I-I mean, is there something specifc you needed me to-

...Stanley, [[saying it a second time]] isn't going to-

... ... ...Stanley, I gave you a wife in canon for that. She even has her own little voicemail on your answering machine, asking you to pick up groceries on your way home and wishing you well at work. Surely you can’t think of anything more loving and domestic. I mean, you even have the bucket, if your not satisfied with…Stanley, you couldn't possibly [[need more than]] that, could you?

...Well, of course [[you need]] //me//, I'm the-

[[...the Narrator...]] ...You need me to guide you down the correct path. ...

...The way [[I need you]] to follow my directions.

... ...And so...the Narrator [[reset->"Start"]] the game, resolving to address the issue of the skip button and the logistics of..this…at a later date.

...Oh, no, Stanley! I'm fine, I can assure you. It's just that the code for your model, it must be facing some incompatibility with what I programed for this level. See, I don't know if you noticed, but your arms, they- Although, it's quite strange, it almost looked like you were //signing// at me, for a moment. [["I told you so"]], I think it would've been. I believe that's a sign I've been spending too much time on my work to translate the game into 47 more new lauguges, wouldn't you agree? Oh, but that //is// such a shame! We'll have to come back to this feature far much later from now, with all I have to do for the-

...Stanley, [[what is that?]]

No, don't just shrug at me, [[tell me what it is you've done]] to put that //dreadful// smile on your face, young man!

Oh, don't give me that look, [[you only smile]] like that when you've got something planned to ruin //mine//-

No, well, of course not! [[It's a lovely smile, really, Stanley]]. What I can't //stand// is your determin-

... [[Wait, a minute.]]

...H-...Did you just- ...W-what //was// [[that?]]

...No, I know what //sign launguge// is, Stanley, what I'd [[like]] to know is how //you// know it!

Oh. Well, then. …In that case, I do apologize for leaving my notes…wherever you found them. [[Even if my retranslation project was left "on the backburner”, so to say, it’s no excuse for leaving open code just lying about! I should have known something like that would-]]

....No! No, absolutely not, Stanley! This is //undeniably// a mistake on my part, and if it's any indication of my game designing skills, then this clearly means I'm not designing anything as truely fasinating and mentally chalenging as I so vainly //though// I was, if you've found yourself bored enough to learn a useless language, yes it is, Stanley, the only person here you could actually have a conversation with is me, Stanley, [[and I’m certainly not interested in the prospect.]] No matter! This is nothing but a call for improvment. One that I am always happy to-

[[...Because I can barely tolerate you as is.]]

… …Oh, [[Stanley]], I just… …The moment I told you what the skip button was…It’s like you just //switched// off your brain and started looking for anything else to do other than listen to me- And I know, I //know//! That that is your thing, your practically patented, trademarked //thing//: Finding your own story, outside of my narration, no matter how clunky, and awkward, and utterly //non...sensical//-

[[...Stanley?]]

... …Stanley, //please// [[don’t tell me]] you only learned how to communicate to give yourself the option of giving me the cold shoulder, because that's very-

...But, I am //"your"// Narrator, Stanley. I guide //you// though the plot, and all its advancements, in a soothing and entertaining manner, while taking great care to naturally slide in enough exposition to clue the player in on what they need to do next. I can't imagine what else being //"your"// Narrator could entail, or what else you could you possibly want to know- Hell, [[what more could you possibly want]] //in general// from-

...What the hell does //that// [[mean?]]