Eric is stood by the bar, staring forwards. He doesn't look out of place or anything but he isn't really moving. You wonder how long these lemons last.\nHmm.\nIt's probably going to be fine.\nHmm.\nMaybe you should go [[CHECK ON ERIC]].\n\n[[back|You are STELLA]]
You contort your way through the double-doors of The Tipsy Oracle and find yourself out on the street. Passersby are horrified. \nThey do not understand that you are a Human Rat King. \nYou are goddamn ROYALTY. \nYou are so much better than these fuggin' JERKS.\nYou are maybe a little drunk.\n[[Attempt to communicate with these poor feeble beings.]]\n[[Crush these worthless beetles.]]
Stella puts the tray down on the edge of the table, and uses it to push all the empty glasses out of the way.\nShe shouts at Robin until he comes over to the table, and she shouts and Ian and Deb until they pay attention to her.\n"Okay I got us TEQUILA SHOTS and I also forked out for the fuckin PSY-LEMONS so let's fuckin DO THIS"\nRobin pushes his glasses up his face and [[squints at Stella]].
You are ERIC.\nYou are standing in the corner of an utterly destroyed pub. There is blood and broken glass all over the floor.\nFour or five bodies lie dead, with twisted, horrified faces.\nJesus Christ.\nYou are going to be so fucking hungover tomorrow.
It made a lot of noise when you threw the change on the floor for no reason. People are staring. You cough.\nYou think about [[REACHING DOWN TO GRAB THE CHANGE|You are Debs]]\n\n[[back|You are ROBIN]]
You turn towards the bar to look for Eric.\nHe's just waiting for another drink. Stella is next to him craning her neck to look out the window. \n[[Whatever|You are ROBIN]].
''Drunken Mind Control Slaughter''\nA game by <html><a href="http://twitter.com/TomSmizzle">TomSmizzle</a></html> for BIG CHAOS TWINE JAM.\n----\n<<display 'Eric five beers in'>>
Robin has a handful of change and is clearly struggling to get it into the jukebox. \nHe's leaning his head against the screen to balance himself while he tries to work out what's going on with the coins in his hands.\nHe probably has some brilliant, evil plan in store for us and all the metal-loving clientele.\n\n[[back|TWENTY-THIRD BIRTHDAY]]
Stella gives everybody their shot, salt and psy-lemon and counts down.\nTHREE\nYou rush to get the salt on your hand while not spilling your tequila\nTWO\nYou crack your neck and wince\n[[ONE]]
You are JIM.\nYou are a member of staff at [[THE TIPSY ORACLE]].\nYou are so fucking tired.\nYou are currently making out with the side of your coworker [[EVA|You are EVA]]'s head.
Happy birthday, Eric!\nYou have no idea what you're doing with your life!\nWho knows when you're going to get back the money you spend on booze tonight!\n\noh god\n\nOk, [[let's stop thinking about that|Eric five beers in]]!
WAIT, I MEAN YOU NO HARM\nwh... what happened?\nI HAD A BIT TOO MUCH TO DRINK AND THEN STELLA GAVE ME SOME TEQUILA AND I GOT REALLY WASTED BUT IT'S MY BIRTHDAY Y'KNOW IF YOU DON'T GET DRUNK ON YOUR BIRTHDAY WHEN CAN YOU GET DRUNK\nsounds like you need to learn your limits better\nYEAH PROBABLY BUT I HAD NEVER HAD THIS LEMON SHIT BEFORE SO I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT WAS GONNA HAPPEN, IT ALL GOT A BIT HEAVY A BIT FAST, Y'KNOW?\nhmm, yeah. that's tricky. really you have to make sure you're in a safe place with your friends around you when you try something like that for the first time\nOH YEAH WELL I DIDN'T KNOW IT WAS GONNA HAPPEN UNTIL LIKE THE LAST SECOND DUDE DON'T BE SO JUDGEY\nok i'm sorry whatever look i think i'm gonna go home now i think i'm a bit drunk myself i'm seeing like centuple or some shit\nOK COOL SEE YOU LATER DUDE\nyeah ok bye
Most people in the pub are lying still. A few people are trying to get out of the pile of motionless bodies that takes up almost all available floor space.\nYou try to [[shift|You are EVERYBODY IN THE PUB EXCEPT FOR ERIC]] to get out of their way,
You lie still and wait for the psy lemon to wear off so you can all go home and nurse your wounds.\nMany of you are lying in broken glass.\nMany of you will break limbs if pressure remains as it is.\n[[You can't do it]]. \n
Customers stare, confused.\nYou start walking into the back area to [[find a first aid kit|You are BILLY]].
You are EVERYBODY IN THE PUB EXCEPT FOR ERIC.\nYou shift to the left. All of you who were stood have fallen.\nYou try to untangle yourself from yourself, but every movement that one person makes which is helpful tangles three other people into a more constricted position.\n[[Wait for the psy lemon to wear off by lying perfectly still.]]\n[[Try to get Eric to safety.]]\n[[Sing along to Call Me Maybe.]]
You are [[STELLA|You are STELLA]].\nWhat?
Ian's looking a bit confused, but he just reaches down to tie them back up. He's gonna be fine, he's so into this relationship you could've thrown his shoe across the room and he'd still wanna [[make out some more]].\nHe sits back up, "Now, where were we?"
Ian and Debs are now just openly making out.\nYou are having a [[GREAT TIME]].\n[[Whatever|You are STELLA]].
You knock it back and jam the lemon in your mouth. \nYou suck.\nYou suck.\nYou spit it into your hand.\nThis is just a normal fuckin' lemon.\n[["God dammit, Stella."|Dammit, Stella]]
All this time, Eric has been still, staring forwards without moving. He is now lying underneath you, but he appears to be largely unharmed. With one goal in a singular focus, you can move your bodies and stand Eric up.\nYou slowly and carefully push him into a corner where he can [[remain unharmed]].
While Eric is safe in the corner, all your bodies are now so entangled as to essentially become a human Rat King.\nThe mass of people is huge, and your outer edges are covered in broken glass and stray limbs. With effort and care, you start [[to make your way outside]].
Ian and Debs have been going out for a couple years, they seem to be pretty serious?\nYou can't really tell what's going on in other people's relationships, who fuckin' knows.\nThey are just kinda staring at eachother and mumbling flirts. They're a bit drunk.\nWe're all a bit drunk.\n\n[[back|TWENTY-THIRD BIRTHDAY]]
Drunken Mind Control Slaughter
Many of you can barely sing, and many of you have mouths that are squashed against the floor, but you sing along to the harmless, joyful pop song nonetheless.\nOne of your many, Robin, is clearly displeased with having to sing along, but he grins in anticipation of the moment when you tire of it and he has the last laugh.\nEach time the song repeats, you get louder. Each time the song repeats, you feel better.\nAs Robin realises his plan has failed, he resigns himself to his fate and you are finally one group, all singing together in a twisted, psychic karaoke.\n//Ripped jeans, skin was showin'\nWhere you think you're goin', baby[[?]]//
//HEY, I JUST MET YOU//\nYou are ERIC \n//AND THIS IS CRAZY//\nYou are DRUNK\n//BUT HERE'S MY NUMBER//\nYou are FAIRLY LUCID for the first time since you went to get STELLA a drink\n//SO CALL ME MAYBE//\nYou are being crushed by A HUNDRED OR SO DRUNKS\n//IT'S HARD TO LOOK RIGHT//\nAll singing CALL ME MAYBE\n//AT YOU BAAAAAABY//\nBecause YOU TOLD THEM TO\n//BUT HERE'S MY NUMBER//\nIf you don't die you are going to be SO FUCKING HUNGOVER\n//SO CALL ME MAYBE//
You got quite the buzz goin', you're feeling pretty good.\n\n[[back|Eric five beers in]]
ok fine ok\nlet's just [[do it]]\nok
what is a psy-lemon\nI'M GLAD YOU ASKED PSY-LEMONS ARE SOME LEMONS THAT GIVE YOU PSYCHIC POWERS OR SOMETHING I DUNNO THE BARMAN WASN'T VERY SPECIFIC\nso is it like a drug or something\nYEAH I GUESS BUT IT'S STILL LEGAL I GUESS THE GOVERNMENT HAVEN'T CAUGHT ON OR WHATEVER\noh uh [[sounds great]]
How could you not be? You've drunk so much!!\n\n[[back|You are STELLA]]
You are DEBS.\nYou just reached down and pulled Ian's shoelaces loose in the middle of making out.\n[[Huh]].
You are BECKY.\nYou were just punched in the head by a stranger.\n"[[Hey, what the fuck?|Hey what the fuck]]"
You start to get up from the stool, but you immediately fall over. \nHoly shit, you're drunk.\nYou ignore the people laughing at you and stumble towards Eric.\n[["Hey Eric, hey, can you hear me?"|can you hear me]]
Tom "@TomSmizzle" Smith
"I uh, I think it takes a minute to kick in?"\nRobin has already checked out, he's walking back to the jukebox and pulling his change out of his pocket. Ian and Debs are back to flirting. Stella pulls a stool into the table, and puts her head in her hands.\n"Oof."\nYou put your shot glass and lemon back on the tray.\n[["I'll get you another drink, and maybe some water."|Get you another drink]]
About a dozen people say "Hey, what the fuck?" in unison, all around the pub.\nThe girl who punched you was one of them.\nWhatever. You're just gonna [[get out of here|You are THIRTY CUSTOMERS]].\n
You lean in and whisper sweet nothings into Ian's mouth as you [[start to kiss him|You are JIM]].
You are STELLA.\nYou're sitting at the table opposite [[IAN AND DEBS|Stella sees Ian and Debs]].\nYou have your head in your hands. \nYou are really quite drunk.\nYou spent way too much money on that psy-lemon and it turns out to have been worthless.\nLuckily you only bought one for [[ERIC|Stella sees Eric]], but you know he wouldn't have done it if he didn't think you all were.\nYou just want him to have a good birthday.
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Jim also jerks his head away as you do, and you hear some thuds from out on the floor. \nYou grab a cloth and [[wipe off the side of your head|You are CHARLIE]]. \nUuuugh.
No reply. You try giving him [[a little shove|You are ROBIN]].
You've just spent about a tenner on queuing up \n<html><a href="http://www.infinitelooper.com/?v=fWNaR-rxAic&p=n#/0;193">Call Me Maybe</a></html> over and over and over. \nSoon everybody's going to hate this song as much as you do and you can just sit back and laugh.\n\n[[back|You are ROBIN]]
You are CHARLIE.\nYou are a shift manager at The Tipsy Oracle.\nYou just smashed the pint glass you were filling for a customer against your head while trying to wipe it clean.\n[[What the fuck]]?
You roll yourself into a ball, large enough that your fingers can stroke buildings on both sides of the road at once. You hurl yourself in a random direction.\nYou crush people.\nYou crush cars.\nYou crush cops.\nYou lose some mass in the scuffle.\nYou crush some more cops.\nYou lost some more mass in the scuffle.\nYou crush some soldiers.\nThere are only ten of you left.\nYou run and scratch and kick and bite but eventually [[you are taken down|You are ERIC]].
You are ROBIN.\nYou just threw a [[FISTFUL OF CHANGE]] at the [[JUKEBOX]] while trying to shove [[ERIC|Robin sees Eric]].\nUh, what?
In one hand, Stella is holding a tray with the tequilas she bought for us. With the other, she makes wide sweeping gesticulations that ripple through her entire body, spilling tequila and bumping into other pub-goers.\n\n[[back|TWENTY-THIRD BIRTHDAY]]
You are BILLY.\nYou were waiting patiently at the bar to get served when one of the barmen smashed a pint glass against his face.\nYou are currently walking into [[the person in front of you|You are FRANK, SUSAN and GARY]].
You shift your weight, you try to make yourself comfortable. Every movement is acompanied by snaps and crunches. You scream. You all scream. The sound is cacophonous.\nPeople hear the wails and come to try and help, but they can't.\nThe Psy lemon doesn't wear off. You all die, slowly and painfully. \nThis was not a very happy birthday.
The Tipsy Oracle is a fairly small pub that's pretty out of the way for most people, but we openly sell the spuriously legal psychic fruit that most pubs won't touch. As such, we tend to attract a reckless clientele.\n\nBut what do you care, because it pays better than any of the other places around here.\n\n[[back|You are JIM]]
You are [[ERIC|ERIC]].\nYou are [[FIVE BEERS IN]].\nIt is your [[TWENTY-THIRD BIRTHDAY]].\n[[STELLA|Eric sees Stella]] is offering you a shot of tequila with all the trimmings.\n\n"come on you fucker this was expensive, you gotta [[DO IT]]"
You asked everybody to come to this weirdo psy-pub and they all did, which is nice.\n[[IAN AND DEBS|Eric sees Ian and Debs]] are on the sofa, flirting. \n[[ROBIN|Eric sees Robin]] is putting money into the jukebox.\n[[STELLA|Eric sees Stella]] has a trayful of tequila and is swaying.\nEven if nothing else happens tonight, this is nice. This is kinda all you want from a birthday. Hanging out with your friends and getting a bit too drunk.\n\n[[back|Eric five beers in]]
You are THIRTY CUSTOMERS.\nYou all tried to walk out for a smoke at the same time, regardless of the direction you were facing. Twelve of you don't even smoke. \nYou tumble over yourself. \nPeople that you aren't are pulled into the pile of cycling limbs and punching arms.\nThe bar staff are walking into eachother. People that were sat down are attempting to walk and kicking their table over in the process.\nYou try to [[stop moving]].
You are FRANK, SUSAN and GARY.\nYou are in the middle of punching some asshole in the face for walking into your fuckin' shins.\nYou are punching a passerby in the head, knocking the cigarette out of her mouth.\nYou are punching your boyfriend in the mouth while he is in the middle of telling a story.\nAround you, you hear [[other people throwing punches|You are BECKY]].
You are EVA.\nYou are currently making out with the air in front of your face.\nJIM is currently making out with the side of your head.\nHe's always liked you but this is fuckin' gross.\nYou [[jerk your head away]].
You step towards the bar, it is like 2 people thick. You are gonna be here for a while.\nYou stare blankly ahead of you and try not to look too [[OBVIOUSLY DRUNK]].\n